Wednesday, November 30, 2005

i so rock!

i don't have time for anything long, fun and frivolous, but i feel the need to point out just how much i rock.

with very little notice, i scored not only plane tickets for myself to denver on sunday (because little towns like lingle, wyoming, don't have airports), but also managed to get tickets for the flight out of atlanta (as well as the return flight from denver to atlanta) for my sibling as well.

you may now bow before me, but i'd advise against kissing my feet. i didn't wear socks today.

now, back to the massive avon order i need to total, bag, and scribble catalogs for so i can get my ducks in a row for this trip.

i need something...

fun and frivolous to post. let me think for a little while and come back to this.......

early a.m. phone call

grandpa's gone. according to daddy, he went peacefully around 4 a.m. this morning. the current theory is that he was hanging on long enough to make it back to his apartment. (personally, i just think it's a little freaky....i said several times that i figured he'd go today....because, as i recall (and will have to double-check) our other grandpa died the day after my birthday.)

okay, had to get that out....time for a little more sleep.

p.s.- a pet peeve: on this computer, the little windows for date and time don't show up. argh.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

up, up and away

this is my first post composed on an airplane. (have i mentioned how much i’m digging my new toy yet? unfortunately, i do not dig whatever feature on my word processor is responsible for automatically capitalizing things. however, i have an hour and a half to figure out how to disable it.)

anyway, i feel compelled to write this for several reasons:

reason one: my plane won’t land in columbia until around 11:30 p.m., which means i won’t get home until well after midnight- especially if my bags don’t magically appear at the baggage claim by approximately 11:45.

reason two: i have an hour and a half to kill- and i plowed through the latest issues of both details and self in record time, during my last flight.

reason three: otherwise, i might actually have to write my holiday letter during this flight.

reason four: i had a really good layover, and need to start typing before the phrase “cougar bar” eludes me.

one moment, please, while i figure out where to begin…and de-capitalize a few things……….[insert stimulating “hold” music here- i’m thinking perhaps the muzak version of “head like a hole”, personally]

so after waking up this morning to a call from my sibling (i assume she wanted to make sure her birthday was remembered….and, oh, sibling….just you wait. i’ve got a little something up my sleeve, just won’t have the time to construct a proper tribute before the weekend), i lounged in bed for about an hour and a half and polished off the one book i brought along on my trip. (not the best book i’ve read all year, but decent enough to spend an hour and a half with.)

after finishing the book and stumbling upstairs for a shower, i reemerged to the news that, despite dad’s threats to put it away for the winter last evening, the miata was out in the driveway and ready to play.

woo-freakin’ hoo!

so, where do i take this lovely little sportscar? to the hospital, of course. (grandpa was moved back to his apartment this afternoon.) i had time to waste after my arrival, so the miata (i wonder if, like the rest of the family cars, it has a name) and i drove over to this giant shopping area near dad’s house so i could return a pair of jeans that wasn’t exactly constructed for my body. oh…and we picked up a few things at Victoria’s secret, which means those evil bras at home with the roaming underwires are as good as gone..

so anyway, that taken care of, the miata and i headed back to the hospital, then to the apartment to get grandpa settled and tell him goodbye.

back at the house, i took care of most of my packing in about five minutes, then daddy and i hopped into the car (sadly, not the miata), and headed to the store for the holiest of grails- jeans that fit.

three pairs and a sweatshirt later (brace yourself- there’s pink on it), we headed back home, where more worldly possessions were tossed into bags, and kathie and i headed off to the airport, while daddy headed back to the apartment to get this whole hospice care thing straightened out.

half an hour (and the near abandonment of a gnome) after arriving at the airport, i wandered onto the packed airplane. Since i now have three carry-ons (backpack, computer, and camera), i was a little uneasy when i realized that my window seat at the back of the plane featured what was quite possibly the smallest under-the seat storage area on the whole damned plane. however, i inherited the ability to stuff things into small spaces (thanks, mama), and i managed to stuff both my computer and backpack into that tiny little space, and then sort of hid my camera bag next to my leg so a cranky stewardess wouldn’t yell at me for having something unsecured. i also managed to impress the friendly canadian guy (who I’ll call “herb” for posting purposes) sitting in the aisle.

i don’t normally talk to other people on airplanes, mostly because 99% of the time, i wind up sitting next to either a self-absorbed female and/or a screaming child (it’s a gift, what can i say?) but herb and i began chatting about the various merits of kansas city, where we were from, where we were headed, et cetera…until he came along. Just when I figured we’d wind up with an empty seat between us, this big dude comes strolling down the aisle…all the way back to our row. okay…that conversation was pretty much over at that point. i dove into my magazines (to the person who had 21 f after me- you’re welcome), herb tried to catch a few winks, and the dude in the middle commenced coughing up phlegm and wiggling around so that we could all enjoy the faint smell of smoke emanating from his clothing.

the beverage service came around, and i switched from my usual bloody mary mix (i like tomato juice with a little kick) to cranberry juice, which sent the stewardess scurrying for ice after apologizing for my half-empty can. around this time, i noticed herb was awake and looking a little bored, so i breezed through details (no articles from augusten burroughs or anderson cooper this time- what’s up with that?), and passed it over to him.

the favor was returned several fold when he bought me dinner over at burger king during our layover. (the veggie burger’s surprisingly tasty, by the way.) of course, I was too busy talking to eat…..sometimes that happens.
oh- i really should mention a little piece of musical trivia i learned tonight. i knew love and rockets was formed by members of bauhaus, but had never really looked into the specifics of that little tidbit. herb enlightened me- everyone except peter murphy was in love and rockets. i never knew. (i’d never realized peter murphy was in bauhaus either, so i guess i’m still not ready to go up against mark mcgrath in musical jeopardy……maybe one day.)

anyway, herb and i wandered all over the detroit airport, found his gate (which was on the way to mine), where he learned of the postponement of his flight home), then mine, talking all the while.

you’ll love this part.

when we got to my gate, i walked up to the desk to inquire about my flight- make sure i was in the right place and whatnot, as i’d really rather wind up in columbia tonight, instead of…say…the bahamas. (that’s only because i don’t have a bathing suit packed, though.) not thirty seconds after i was assured that i was, in fact, in the right place, the airline representative i’d just spoken to gets on the loudspeaker and says that my flight will be departing from a gate at the other end of the earth.


there's about another half hour worth of conversation left to relate, but since the plane's touching down soon, let me summarize:

~cougar bars
~the perils of washington, dc after dark
~various sitcoms we know and love
~my life story, parts 12 and 13

yeah, that pretty much covers it. now, wanna place a bet on how long it's going to take to locate my luggage?

Monday, November 28, 2005

i think, therefore i am

fifteen random thoughts

1. i think i figured out the main reason why i love taco john's so much: their shells are crispy, but not too thick. (i had two today.)
2. i bet those snow/leaf photos i took are going to look really cool, especially the ones i took with the pentax.
3. i wonder if the x-ray machines in the airport fried the 800-speed film i didn't realize was in the bottom of my camera bag until yesterday.
4. wait a minute- i saw the eighth edition of the billboard book of top 40 hits. i have the sixth edition at come no one told me about the updates?
5. owwwww!!!! note to self: next time, let the hot chocolate cool a little longer.
6. i wonder if there will be enough snow for me to play in tomorrow.
7. why don't more 27 year olds play in the snow?
8. i forgot to call a handful of people i meant to get together with during this visit, but if i told them how i've been spending most of my time, i think they'd understand.
9. crap! christmas letter! i really need to do something about that.
10. did grandpa recognize me today?
11. i wonder who those people were in the old photos in his apartment.
12. man, this is one nice-looking little computer....and i really should be working on that christmas letter.
13. i need to brush up on my french.
14. i need to go brush my teeth.
15. where am i going to find the photos needed for a suitable birthday tribute to my sibling?

Sunday, November 27, 2005

a letter to grandpa

Dear Grandpa,

Daddy came home tonight after visiting you at the hospital and said that you've spent most of the day screaming that you "can't do it". I know it must be scary as hell to have an active mind inside a dying body, but Grandpa, I'm afraid there isn't any way to keep the cancer from winning this battle. It's already in your lungs, your bladder, and probably a few other places the doctor's have yet to find, and there's nothing that can be done to take it away.

I know you're in pain. I could hear it the other night when I called over to the hospital to see if Daddy was still in your room with you. At first, I thought maybe the screams I heard were from someone out in the hallway, but then I realized they were your screams. How Grandma Lucile can keep it together while listening to you in such pain is beyond me. (I'm sure when no one's looking, she sheds quite a few tears....just as i did the first time i saw you curled up in your hospital bed, small and vulnerable like a person at the other end of their lifespan.)

It's okay to let go of the pain, Grandpa. Only after you let go of yours can we let go of ours.


Your eldest granddaughter

Saturday, November 26, 2005

shiny and new

i've done it. i've finally broken down and joined the 21st century and purchased a new toy. it's something owned by most people i know, but i'm sure mine's prettier, if not better than most.

(no- i still refuse to buy a cell phone.)

okay- done bragging- i bought myself a laptop. i've scrimped and saved lately, so when i saw this little beauty at best buy the other day, i figured "why not?"

(the only reason you don't see this little beauty yet is that photoshop won't get loaded onto it until i get back home....)

guess this means i have one less excuse for not having my holiday letter done yet.

sentence saturday #5

forgive me for the late start this week....somehow going to bed seemed like a better idea than firing up the computer in the wee hours of the morning.

if you're a new participant, read this first.

otherwise, go ahead and scroll down to the last comment to find your word.

the first word this week is striflet.

Friday, November 25, 2005

family and freezing temps

i meant to post this last night- really i did. however, i had a little too much turkey (preferable to the "little too much wine" of yesteryear) and fell asleep.

isn't that a better excuse than "i was up late messing with avon and got so frustrated at being unable to enter the website that, had i not shut the laptop down, it would have been sent flying across the room"? it is- i know it.

at any rate, here's a quick rundown of yesterday, as i have to hop into the shower soon, and head out on a couple of super-secret missions with daddy:

-wake up at 6:30, after 5 hours of sleep. finish packing, shoo SO into shower (he takes really looooong showers), try to figure out what i've forgotten to pack.

-double-check discman to ensure that i have an adequate battery supply. dig up more batteries. decide it would be too much trouble to swap out cds....besides, the basics are covered (depeche mode, duran duran, inxs, marvelous 3, billy idol, et cetera.)

-hop in shower, get dressed, head to airport.

-fuss at SO for dropping a bomb right before i leave town (he loves doing this...i'd love to take off my shoe and beat him with it, but he'd probably like that, too.)

-grab quick overpriced meal at airport, then tell SO goodbye.

-find seat in waiting area near three year old with exremely passive parents. (there wasn't anywhere else to sit.)

-fantasize about beating three year old child with her baby bottle, just like she's doing to the window by my head. marvel at how parents just sit there...not saying a word. also marvel at how anyone can see logic in still giving their three year old child a full-blown baby bottle.

-board plane 20 minutes late. notice that three year old child (still clutching bottle) is two rows back. hope she'll sleep on flight.

-realize there's also a baby in seat behind me.....because of the screaming.

-arrive in detroit airport after a vomitrotious landing. feel relief that i did not toss my cookies, though that landing was so -ahem- rough i figured for sure i'd need that little paper bag.

-marvel at the psychadelic sort of walls in the tunnel between terminals. (of course, by "marvel at", i mean "take pictures of".)

-set bodhi and guest on fountain in terminal and take pictures. note approving smiles from crowd.

-board plane on time.

-realize i'm in an exit row. take pictures with legs fully outstretched. hope i don't have to fulfill any of those "exit row duties"

-hear announcement offering trail mix for $1. begin munching on cool ranch munchies mix from home. finish 2/3 of bag, minus the pretzels.

-turn bag over during 30 minute wait for takeoff.

-"eight servings, my ass!"

-well, those pretzels are pretty big.

-scribble out really belated (we're talking months, folks) birthday cards after finally taking off.

-arrive in kansas city. note, with horror, that daddy's 27 year old (at least) moustache is gone.

side note: every time i come home, daddy has shaved off more hair. i find this incredibly unsettling, and sincerely fear for the safety of his arm hair.

-daddy shares his fondness for mp3s....which his miata is not capable of playing.

-offer to skip flight home and take miata.

-i think there may have been some sort of agreement there. woo-hoo!

-head home- walk in the door to find at least 20 people in house. say hello to beloved grandma, then hide.

-disappear with dad on post-dinner whipped-cream run.

-see ghost of boyfriends past at first gas station. (i swear it was him- he even got the same odd smile he always used to upon seeing me out of the corner of his eye.)

-wonder whether the chick with him was a girlfriend- or a wife.

-find whipped cream at k-mart, of all places.

-head home with said whipped cream. resist urge to spray it on random foodstuffs.

-while supervising the cleaning up of leftovers, get hit on by stepsister's girlfriend (i think).

-contemplate making a shirt that says "i like penises."

-collect grandma, and go to hospital to see grandpa.

-cry upon seeing grandpa reduced to a pathetic shell of former self.

-head home and call jamie, partner in crime. make plans to hang out friday afternoon/evening.

-drive with daddy and grandma to the plaza (the ritzy shopping district in downtown kansas city) to see christmas lights. hop out of car, walk two blocks, and take several pictures.

-decide it's too damned cold to be outside- head back to car.

-upon return home, realize house keys are still in south carolina.

-using daddy's spares, get into house and call SO to give him rundown of day.

-find out SO's dad had a medical emergency.

-feel quite badly about not being in arizona with him.

-call SO's mom. find out she has a very good friend with medical emergency.

-conclude that november is a crappy month for family. (aside from anniversary and sibling's birthday, of course.)

-dodge steprelatives on way to computer.

-contemplate blogging, decide avon probably needs to be taken care of first.

-call computer many unflattering names when avon site does not open.

-too tired to blog, resolve to get up early, finish order and blog.

-crawl into bed for 8 hours of sleep. (do you have any idea when the last time i managed that feat was? let's just say, it's been a while....)

okay- on with my day. i'll be back later to post pictures/adjust this for maximum humor.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

so much to do, so little to say.....

ever have so much on your mind that you wind up staring at the screen, trying to figure out whether to get it all out, or simply click the little "x" in the top right corner and call it a night?

i am so there right now.

before i leave for kansas city tomorrow morning, there's laundry to be done.

so far, it looks like i need to see about a dark load, a red load, and a third load consisting of my warmest bras (gel filled- i once badmouthed women who wore them- flet it was cheating- i have since seen the light, especially since those little suckers warm up to body temperature...which means not only do i look busty, but i can wear a relatively thin t-shirt in winter and not be accused of impersonating loni anderson), and a few other "delicates" for future use here at home.

before i leave for kansas city in the morning, there's clothing to be packed.

it's supposed to reach 68 degrees here in south carolina. at last check, the high in kansas city is predicted to be about 25 degrees less. this means several things:

1. i should have saved the "sweater boobs" for this week's hnt (which, by the way, will be posted...somewhere. just haven't figured out where yet. if you don't find it here, try photos, which i'll be updating while the laundry does its thing)

2. t-shirts: out, wool sweaters: in

3. i might actually get to see some snow before christmas. (rain is more likely, though)

4. no more slacking on the purchase of new/un-holy jeans. point me toward the nearest polo display, please.

5. where's my baby blue down jacket? i sincerely hope i didn't leave it up in maine last christmas.

before i leave for kansas city in the morning, there's avon to be ordered.

not finalized, mind you, but i would like to get most of the order taken care of so i don't have to worry about it tomorrow night, when i'd much rather be ice skating (aka "landing repeatedly on my butt while everyone else glides around crown center gracefully").

before i leave for kansas city in the morning, there's a long list of items to be located/packed.

*bodhi- check
*girl gnome i'm kidnapping (with permission)- check
*new gnome for jamie, whose last gnome is still lost in afghanistan- check
*cameras- check
*contacts- check
*glasses, in case my contacts are feeling uncooperative and i need to use my good camera- check
*national park passport, just in case i have time to travel- check
*blank birthday cards for the september-november birthdays i've missed- check
*journal, so i can begin construction always-hilarious christmas letter on the airplane- check

and a whole bunch of other stuff i'd better write down as i think of it, so i won't wind up stranded without deodorant, toothbrush, or bail money.

before i leave for kansas city in the morning, there are pictures to be uploaded.

i know, i know- i'm way behind on photos. i'll try to get that taken care of in the next four hours or so.

(besides, i'm sure i'll have some exciting kansas city photos to share with you- perhaps even while i'm gone.)

finally, something even i can't make a smartass comment about:

before i leave for kansas city in the morning, i have to prepare myself to see a grandparent in a very vulnerable state.

that is going to be the toughest part......

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

high fives all around!

i'm combining something i swiped from the angry snail with something lbseahag tagged me with:

ten years ago: i was writing a humor column for the high school newspaper.

five years ago: i was working roughly 85 hours a week, between four jobs. my fridays started 8:30 am, and didn't end until i got home at about 6:30 am saturday morning.

one year ago: i was getting ready to go hiking in the grand canyon.

yesterday, i: decided to buy SO "office space" (with flair, no less) for our anniversary.

five snacks i enjoy:
1. nachos
2. andy capp's hot fries
3. muchies mix- preferably cheddar flavor...i'll pass on the pretzels, though.
4. apples and cheese
5. beef jerky

five songs to which i know all the words:
1. "take on me"- aha
2. "new moon on monday"- duran duran
3. "i want you"- savage garden
4. "hey jealousy"- gin blossoms
5. "talk dirty to me"- poison

five things i would do with $100 million:
1. travel- a lot
2. buy mama a house in spain
3. stuff most of it into savings/bonds/cds
4. buy an island in a tropical, hurricane-free location
5. purchase land adjacent to the family farm in wyoming

five places to run away:
1. barcelona
2. mama's house
3. disneyworld
4. the grand canyon
5. p.e.i.

five bad habits:
1. i swear like a truckdriver
2. i'm a picker. among other things, i've been messing with the dry skin on my lower lip all day.
3. i procrastinate
4. i spend way too much time playing around with blog-related stuff (my blogs, other people's blogs, and i have a mild obsession with my statcounter...)
5. i'm blunt.

five things i like doing:
1. reading
2. writing
3. 'rithmetic road trips
4. taking pictures- and not just the quick little snapshots that wind up on the photo blog
5. picking other people's brains

five things i would never wear:
1. stiletto heels
2. a girdle
3. anything that set me back over $150 (and at that price, they'd better be some damn fine sneakers/doc martens)
4. patent leather anything (though hot topic used to have some i coveted...but i'm not built quite right to pull off that look.)
5. hard rock cafe baltimore shirt (i just can't do it)

five favorite tv shows:
tv? who has time for tv?
1. the a team
2. law & order
3. my name is earl
4. alf
5. the monkees

five biggest joys in my life:
what kind of touchy-feely question is this? *cringes*

five favorite toys:
1. does my tennis racquet count?
2. darth tater (guess what i got yesterday..along with the "office space"?
3. how about games? i could give you a whole list of board games....muppet monopoly, scrabble, yahtzee, careers, 80s edition trivial pursuit
4. theodore, a teddy bear i've had since infancy
5. a stuffed piglet i've had since high school

let's see...who to tag? how about kal, raven, mossy, larry, sibling, minta, and my old roomie?

Monday, November 21, 2005

just an old fashioned love song.....

i've spent the entire day trying to figure out what sort of post to construct this evening. i thought about going the "mushy tribute" route, but then i started to that was quickly ruled out.

i contemplated posting my favorite picture of SO, but:

1. the scanner and i are not the best of friends
2. there are a few people i wish to keep blissfully ignorant about SO's identity
3. since i haven't scribbled in my paper journal in months, i'm not exactly sure of its (and therefore, the picture's) current location.

so, i'm up to plan "c"- share a memorable, love-related, humorous anecdote that somehow involves both of us:

would you like to hear it? here it goes.... (sorry- in living color flashback.)

my second year working at the preschool, i was paired with a barry white fan. i don't recall exactly how barry came up, but for some reason, every time "you're the first, the last, my everything" came on, the radio was turned up.

i know, i know...what does this have to do with love, right?

somewhere in the piles in my room, i have an article about the mysterious powers of barry white. if i had enough money to cover it, i'd almost be willing to bet that about a quarter of my readership was conceived to the soulful sounds of barry. (mama, daddy- i'd really rather not know- thanks.) anyway, in this article, a group of stubbornly celibate sharks were being exposed to several of barry white's more inspiring hits....though i can't recall whether or not the experiment worked. (note: while i'm too lazy to chase down the original article, here's one google just plopped into my lap.)

anyway, back to the song. i first heard it on the money talks soundtrack, and to this day, i cannot listen to it without picturing chris tucker belting it out while driving around in a convertible. so between that mental picture, and repeated exposure to it in the classroom, i began to really like the darned song.

in fact, i liked it so much that when it came on the radio one afternoon as i drove over to SO's place on my lunch break, i left the car running with the song turned up, got out of the car, closed the door, ran over to the passenger side (still singing along, mind you), grabbed what i needed out of the seat, locked and shut the door, ran back to the driver's side to get my keys as the song was ending, and realized i'd locked my damned keys in the car...with it running.

to make matters even worse, the song had changed, and now the minnie riperton song that makes my skin crawl was blasting out of my car....and there was nothing i could do about it.

SO and i were not yet to the point where we had spare keys to each other's cars (but we most certainly were at that point the next day, when i had not one, not two, but three extra keys to my car made), so all we could do was call ford (i still had their free roadside assistance) and haul out a coathanger. (people wonder why i leave a window cracked- that's why. my car's not fancy enough for anyone else to swipe, but if i manage to oh, say, lock my keys in the car with it running, at least i can spend my time waiting for a knight in a shining rescue vehicle jabbing at the interior of my car with an untangled coathanger.)

by this time, things were getting serious- i'd come home for a nap, and my time was behind spent listening to a block of the very worst of the 70s. (i think it was a lunchtime theme or something that day.) looking back, perhaps i should have tried to poke at my stereo with the coathanger, but i was far too busy concentrating on looking like i knew what i was doing.

i had no luck. however, after giggling at my mad coathanger skills for a good ten minutes, SO (chivalrous sort that he is) offered to try.

two songs later (the block had ended and we were up to "she's a bad mama jama" which, had my keys not already been locked in my car, probably would have landed me in the same predicament...i love that song.) i was on the phone with ford again, telling them my keys had been rescued (that would make for an interesting parody of those annoying "onstar" commercials, wouldn't it? "help! my owner has locked me in the car and is forcing me to listen to "jammin' oldies"!) and that their help was no longer needed, but thanks.

and in case you're wondering, SO's willingness to stand next to a car blasting "the hustle" while poking at my lock with a coat hanger when he really should have been sleeping instead pretty much sealed the deal.

.....and i suppose, in some odd way, i have barry white to thank for that.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

something spicy

i'm not sure why, but for some reason, i've been thinking about the spice girls most of the morning.

no, wait- i know why.

after work yesterday, i babysat for one of my favorite families, so they could go out and enjoy this tiny little football game (in-state rivals). i had several hours on my hands after the kids went to bed, and i spent it catching up on my magazines, as well as reading a couple of people magazines that were laying around.

i am not a regular reader of people magazine, but i'll leaf through it if it's around, and i usually make it one of my frivolous airport purchases, just because i can kill 45 minutes-1 hour catching up on the lives of beautiful people.

anyway, i noticed something a little disturbing last night.

have you ever seen an issue of people magazine that didn't include victoria "posh spice" beckham?

me either.

out of all the spice girls, did you really think that posh would be the one we'd still hear about nearly ten years later? (i, for one, figured that after a solo album, playboy pictoral, and ambassadorship, we'd still hear about geri "sexy/ginger spice" halliwell on at least a bimonthly basis. sadly, america seems to be out of the loop on that one.)

which brings to mind something i found while digging for that link- it seems the spice girls were supposed to reunite for the july 2nd live 8 concert. (did anyone actually watch? i'll admit that, although i was glued to the original live aid concert, i didn't go out of my way to spend the day watching this latest incarnation.)

anyway, there i was this morning, driving to work, flipping through radio stations, and singing "wannabe", which i'm sure looked more than a little odd to the elderly couple who wound up stuck at not one, but two stoplights with me during my morning commute. (i should add that to my list: 201. i sing in the car, and i don't care how stupid i look doing it.)

"wannabe" hit the airwaves as i was heading off to college (better add that to my soundtrack), and i clearly recall digging for the lyrics to the song on the internet from the comfort of my dorm room. (i believe this was while evil ex-roommate #1 was out "acclimating herself to college life", by which i mean she was getting piss drunk and would be sleeping it off until at least 2pm the next day- but that's neither here nor there.)

snicker all you want, but the spice girls were hugely popular because girls saw themselves in them, and guys just....(how to narrowly sidestep a rather crude phrase?...) wanted to be with them.

i mean, the spice girls had it covered (or uncovered, as in sexy/ginger/solo spice's case):

~there was sweet, innocent emma "baby spice" bunton- the group's token blonde.
~there was always fashionable victoria "posh spice" adams, who wound up marrying the most famous soccer player in the world since pele.
~there were the two melanies- melanie "sporty spice" chisholm, and melanie "scary spice" brown
~and, of course, my favorite- the aforementioned geri "sexy/ginger/solo/ambassador spice" halliwell.

i'll freely admit to being a combination of at least three, and possibly four of the spices, and i think most women can find themselves in one or two of the spice girls- or is it the other way around?

it reminds me of the one and only time i went out to a bar/club/social establishment in kansas city- early in my college career, as i recall. the high point of the evening was seeing one of my college crushes out and about, but for some reason, i actually managed to refrain from following him around and pestering him. (uh, yeah- that would be considered a good thing.) the most interesting part of the evening was this guy we met who, suffice it to say, was attracted to my best friend, heather. (that happened all the damned time. it was a little frustrating for me then, but looking back now, i am quite okay with the way things turned out.)

when we first met don juan (his real name is long forgotten, as i had no reason to add him to the "kiss list", and therefore, i have no way to look it it matters anyway....), he wandered over to where heather and i were dancing with our friend livia, and struck up a conversation while demonstrating his minimalist style of dancing.

"you know what they say about groups of girls?"

(insert blank looks from us)

"in every group of girls, there's always a smart one, a sporty one, and a slutty one."


of course, this led to some discussion over who was who. to this day, heather claims i called her a slut, though i'm pretty sure i went with "sporty". then again, as i've already mentioned, guys were drawn to her....

he followed us back to our table, where we met up with friend #4, susan, who threw the "3 friends" theory out the window (since...well, she was number four), which led to more discussion about what the fourth sterotype would be. (somehow, i'd wound up with the "smart" label, so susan was clearly the odd one out. i can't recall what stereotype we settled on for her, though heather seems to recall that she tried unsuccessfully to strip me of my title.)

at the end of the evening, our new acquaintance asked heather and i if we could give him a ride home.

"it's right around the corner," he said.

well, "right around the corner" turned out to mean "halfway across the damned state". to this day, neither heather nor i have any clue where it was that we finally wound up dropping this goober off. however, it did require an extra trip to the gas station (we were waaaay out there), as otherwise, we may not have made it back to civilization again.

which would have been bad, as i'm pretty sure i'd left my spice girls cd home that night.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

me, volume two

101. i semiseriously collect coins.
102. i'm a stick-shift kind of girl.
103. in fact, much as i hate to admit it, i consider stick shift/automatic a factor when deciding whether or not to date someone.
104. i get a little snobby about shoes, too....and no, that does not mean i look for the expensive, grown-up ones.
105. i like to cook.
106. no, really. in fact, i'll go on cooking binges if i know i won't be home for the next few evenings, due to babysitting/work/my stint with the pussycat dolls.
107. i was just kidding about that last part.....though a girl can dream, can't she?
108. actually, i'm probably a little too "girl next door" for the dolls. (at least i think so, anyway.)
109. remember that movie "never been kissed"? i'd love to go back to high school and actually get asked to the prom.....
110. i'm not ashamed to admit to being a damned liberal.
111. i've broken exactly one bone in my body......and earlier that day, i was involved in a conversation about broken bones....i was the only person who'd never had any.
112. the guy who took care of my root canal grew up with mama....which i didn't know until i mentioned his name to her later.
113. the first time i ever called a radio station to request a song was during whfs' (r.i.p.) "menage a trois" weekend when i was thirteen.
114. i looked up "menage a trois" in the said "house of three".
115. i didn't know about the other meaning until much later. (no, not from experience- so no need for therapy, family members.)
116. i told the dj i wanted to hear three songs from either the red hot chili peppers, or jane's addiction- he could pick.
117. i still have the tape i recorded the request, i can't share it with you, as this was in my pre-duff days.
118. i constantly have cold hands, except in the middle of summer.
119. sometimes i try to warm them up on SO's stomach, which usually leads to shrieking...not by me.
120. i love saying "guacamole" almost as much as i love eating it.
121. i love eating chips, too...but i'm a little odd. i lick the seasonings off first, then eat the chip itself.
122. i also have weird little ways of eating spaghetti-o's (meatballs last) and pickles (too long to describe here).
123. my favorite color is my eyes.
124. when asked about it, though, i'll usually claim "plaid"
125. i never took those random surveys seriously in high school.
126. i'd have no problem whatsoever going to a nude beach. (SO is a different matter)
127. i'm a cancer like mama.
128. i love the ocean (except sharks and jellyfish), but am not confident enough in my swimming abilities to swim around much. i tend to wade out and jump around as the waves come in.
129. i'm glad i never had to take swimming lessons when i was younger- i don't like putting my face in the water, because i get water in my eyes and i'm scared of inhaling a bunch of water and drowning.
130. consequently, i still hold my nose anytime i'm underwater.
131. i don't really care how dumb that looks.
132. i love fondue, though i know i consume multiple thousand calories every time i go to the melting pot.
133. i don't count calories.
134. i sold shoes for five years.
135. i taught preschool for five years.
136. this coming january will be my seventh anniversary in radio.
137. in college, i had my own 5-hour retro show.i brought in my own cds, and played some of the records from the station's music library.
138. before that, i had no clue how to play a certain track on a record. (to this day, most of my friends have no idea.)
139. i'll take a comforter over flat sheets any day- even in the middle of summer
140. i can't sleep if i'm wearing socks
141. i haven't cut my hair in nearly two years.
142. it hasn't been dyed in a year and a half.
143. i have never suffered through titanic.
144. i carried one of mama's old grey purses evry day of fifth grade.
145. i have not carried a purse since....nor will i anytime soon.
146. i really miss ecto-cooler flavor hi-c
147. i call just about everyone "dude".
148. sometimes i really miss going out to bars/clubs.
149. i don't miss the smoke, and since i don't really drink, i don't miss dealing with drunk people, either.
150. my favorite book is the little prince.
151. i wish i'd paid a little more attention in french class, though i suppose i have what's called a "reading french".
152. i took spanish in college, but it gets scrambled with my french, and i'm sure i wind up sounding like an idiot.
153. i can still do the electric slide.
154. i am a terrible excellent procrastinator.
155. i'm not used to attention from guys. consequently, i'm never quite sure how to take it.
156. i like to quote 80s songs, and then see if anyone gets it.
157. i consider myself a pretty outdoorsy person.
158. i like being short.
159. i'm somewhat short-tempered, too.
160. i throw things when frustrated.
161. that's one of the reasons why i used to play tennis.
162. unless i have to share the juice, i drink from the carton.
163. i double dip when alone, too. (triple, if the dip's really good)
164. i grow cacti, because they're hard for me to kill.
165. i wander when talking on the phone.
166. i've lived in five different states.
167. i've visited all but eight.
168. i'm not sure how it happens, but i seem to attract lesbians.
169. yet a certain lesbian i know seems to attract all the guys.
170. i can't stand nirvana.
171. my second-biggest driving pet peeve: people who can't be bothered to signal. (i may be a little fast, but at least i let you know where i'm going.)
172. i rarely paint my fingernails, but my toenails are always polished.
173. i took all of my finals in college while wearing pajamas or boxers, and wore slippers to about half of them, as well.
174. my holiday card list is absolutely huge...but i like it that way.
175. i'm usually a few minutes late.
176. i didn't used to be, but i think SO has rubbed off on me a little.
177. my car has always been hand-washed.
178. i really hate the waxing part, though.
179. in fact, i tend to mumble "wax on, wax off", the entire time i'm doing it.
180. i don't think i've been photogenic since maybe high school/early college.
181. i firmly believe that canadians have far better potato chip flavors than we have here in the u.s.
182. i wrote a humor column in my high school newspaper.
183. i took my first photography class because not one, but two boys i liked were also taking it.
184. i prefer black and white over color.
185. except for photos taken in the grand canyon...i have a couple of rolls i wish i'd done in color instead.
186. i prefer low rise jeans- anything else makes my bellybutton claustrophobic.
187. i wonder on a daily basis when lindsay lohan's fifteen minutes of fame will be up.
188. i'm not so sure i would have moved to the south had i known about palmetto bugs and fire ants.
189. unless i stop to do the math, i still think daddy's 50, mama's 45, and sibling's about 18.
190. along those same lines, when asked how old i am, i have to stop myself from saying "23" and actually figure it out.
191. i joined a bunch of clubs in high school so i'd have a whole row of numbers next to my name in the back of the yearbook.
192. i wonder if that'll convince anyone that i was popular, though i claim not to care.
193. there are several movies i haven't seen because i'd like to read the books first.
194. i'm not a big fan of ice cream, but if you buy me ben & jerry's half baked with cookie dough and fudge brownies, i'll happily follow you anywhere.
195. i love road trips.
196. i'll admit it- i probably work too damn much. however, i want to be rich one day, and
197. i'll never marry someone for their money. i'd much rather earn it myself.
198. i have a hard time remembering to "sit like a girl" when wearing dresses or skirts.
199. one of my biggest regrets is sticking my entire collection of garbage pail kids onto notebook paper when i was younger. i wish i'd been smart, like sibling, and kept them intact.
200. i find it a lot easier to answer questions than to ask them.

sentence saturday #4

if you're a new participant, read this first.

otherwise, go ahead and scroll down to the last comment to find your word.

this week's first word is kiltear

Thursday, November 17, 2005

still have the touch.....

dear monique*,

hi. it's duff. i know you remember me- we met this morning, when you came to my workplace to sell us listings in the talking phone book. (which reminds me- have you had that little talk with your coworker yet? someone's got to tell him that calling five times daily get's annoying after the first 6 hours. i mean, really....)

anyway, it's was nice chatting with you. i wondered why you asked so many persaonl questions about my background, since i wasn't the one placing the ad, but i assumed you were just a little nervous.

i had no idea.

i mean, sure, the boss had her suspicions, but i figured you were just being friendly. however, after you left, came back, and offered (three times, no less) to help carry the rather lightweight hunk of plywood i was hauling upstairs, it all became crystal clear.

sorry, monique, but though i am flattered, i still like boys.


*name may or may not have been changed. i think it was, in fact, monique, but quite frankly, i wasn't really paying very close attention.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

oh, you'll love this.....

so here i am, scribbling avon totals with one hand, clicking around my statcounter account with the other, and look where i've turned up.

perhaps there was something to that search, after all.

(i am almost tempted to turn this into a photoshopping contest, but i'm afraid then some of you wouldn't get any of your work done......)

Monday, November 14, 2005

running hot and cold today

i think i need an icepack for my face.

(we'll get to that in a moment.)

first, let's start with an exciting announcement:

mossy stone was my 20,000th. (was it good for you, mossy?) i have yet to come up with a suitable prize, so i suppose this pat on the back will have to do.

also, on a somewhat related note, i knew i could count on the old fogies to recognize the moody blues. order of business....both blog jesus and freud are available to answer your burning questions. (freud needs questions of the "yes/no" variety, but blog jesus is far more flexible (those are the rumors, anyway.))

finally, since i'm up to my eyeballs in makeup orders, i am reminded to whine about the quirkiness of my skin. somehow, through a twist of fate genetics, my skin is both oily and sensitive. with the change of seasons down here in sc, i woke up this morning with both zits and bright pink, highly insulted skin. (yep- just in time for that centerfold spread they keep hounding me about.) if i apply stuff to stop the oiliness, i wind up looking like (i assume) the recipient of a bad peel. if i slather on moisturizer, the zits multiply. i cannot win.

however, mossy won....uh...well...the privilege of saying he was my 20,000th. (maybe we shouldn't spread that makes me sound a little slutty, don't you think?)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

i know you're out there somewhere......

1. any idea what song that's from?
2. if you're responsible for my 20,000th pageload, would you leave me a comment? it'll save me from having to actually chase you down and thank you for stopping by...

Saturday, November 12, 2005

you didn't see the smoke?

oh, how i wish i fully understood the power that sports have over men- like video games and hooters girls, for some reason, sports can hold the attention of most men like nothing else.

now, i know my readers out there with penises are screaming at their computers.

"duff! you women have shoes and shopping- leave men alone....and don't you dare take off with that credit card, either!"

easy there, big guy. remember how i said that being called a woman insults me? did i mention that i'm not the "stereotypical female"?

really- did i? i'm too busy looking through the frederick's catalog to double check.

(see- you guys think regular shopping is unpleasant, but if there's a catalog full of half naked women that you can tuck under your arm for a little "me time" in the john, then it's not so bad.....)

anyway, i have shoes, yes. however, i could care less about the $200 ankle-busters. forget heels- dangle a nice pair of adidas in front of my nose, and i'm yours.

as for the rest of the shopping experience- are you sitting down?- unless i'm at the grocery store, in the middle of best buy, or picking up things for my not-so-well-traveled friends, i generally don't care. (wait- i forgot bookstores.....i can do some serious damage in a bookstore. my parents can be held responsible for that one.)

anyway, as i was saying, it's hard to draw the stereotypical man's attention away from football. (i also need to throw in "college basketball", in some cases, including the one where i was wearing something

before i go on- dad, sibling: if either of you are reading this, just close the window or scroll back up while thinking happy thoughts of your most virginal daughter/sibling. i am too broke to pay for your therapy.


i mean it, sibling- the fragile psyche you save may be your own. get freud away from the computer, too.

is she gone? good.

so anyway, there he was, in front of the tv, watching his favorite college playing basketball...and there i was, standing between him and the screen, wearing a piece of apparel so powerful (think embroidered, blue, and accompanied by fishnets) that the mere mention of this item had the power to uh....inspire the desired reaction.

(i sincerely hope they listened to me for once and left.)

but, the reaction was horribly off.

i pulled out all the stops....yet the boys won.

furthermore, i was told that the boys won because i "knew it was the first game of the season", and was trying to make him miss his game. (please- like i even recall that part of the conversation- you were talking about sports, for goodness sake.)

but i digress.)

what inspired this evening's post involves neither basketball nor gratuitous nudity. (so far)

after a really good nap killed plan a (which was to go out to a decent restaurant and possibly take in a movie, since we hadn't seen anything since wedding crashers), plan b was put into effect. the meat was thawed, put into a pan on the stove, and i wandered off to throw in a load of laundry, lest i find myself going to work naked tomorrow, due to a lack of decent, clean clothing.

that made him sort of vaguely in charge of the stove, as well as the items thereupon. (i didn't have to tell him- it was understood. )

after throwing in the last soiled t-shirt, i turned around and saw this:

however, SO was so engrossed in watching a college football game that he didn't notice the thick white smoke creeping across the ceiling. (for the record, he didn't notice my screams at first, either.)

so, guys, what is it about watching grown men running around, playing some sort of game that, let's face it, fantasy football pools and betting aside, affect you in no way whatsoever? furthermore, why must you hurl a string of expletives at the tv when "your" team fumbles, runs the wrong way, or fails to score in some other way?

finally, and most importantly, what man in their right mind turns down a willing female in this?:
better than sports

what? you can't get the picture to load either? there must be something wrong with your monitor.....

Friday, November 11, 2005

a snack...and slightly early sentence saturday

because sometimes you have to do a little test for quality control purposes.

go throw a batch of your own in the oven, and then come back to play sentence saturday. (i know, i know- i'm starting early, but i need to get to bed before midnight, for once this week.)

this week's first word is yorguntz.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

you searched for what??? (lucky thirteen)


once i threw out all of the hilary duff foot searches, i still had some seriously odd queries for this post. (i'm still waiting for the day when i see a search that completely blows my mind, but you folks are getting closer and closer by the day.)

Pictures of hilary duff holding a real piglet

hope you found what you were looking for, buddy- thought it sure as heck wasn't here.

local columbia south carolina pork skins

thanks to this post (which i'm sure offended the searcher no end), i came up as result #19 for this search.

how local are we talking, buddy? do you want pork rinds from the pig down the street? is across town too far? what do you have against pork rinds imported from other southern states? were you looking for original flavor, or barbeque? would that be the "northern" ketchup-based barbeque sauce, or the more "southern" mustard based sauce?

the possibilities are endless with this one, folks.

Show me a good back round picture for my computer

you mean, like a good "background" picture?

disregard the snickering- it's just me.

dirty girl mud wrestling

this is something that, quite frankly, brings a smile to my face, because:

1. you said i'm dirty. (yet, i'm glad i'm not drrrrrty, like christina aguilera...though i'd love to have her legs- i mean, did you see her in that issue of rolling stone about a month ago? she's far more dedicated to working out than i, i'll tell you that much.)

2. the searcher behind this one actually scrolled through 13 other pages of results to get to me.

3. despite being surrounded by videos that i'm guessing aren't exactly work-safe, and girls who like girls and team sports, the aforementioned searcher picked me. (let's face it- that's some pretty tough competition!)

lyrics to the pepto-bismol commercial

look closely folks....this seems to be the level to which biz markie has sunk. no longer are folks using his name to find longer do they care about that timeless classic, "just a friend"- now they just want to know the symptoms cured by a little pepto. *sigh*

speaking of rappers, you'll love this next one. it took me a minute to get it, and another five to stop giggling and pick myself back up off the floor:

rapper topock

hee hee hee.

i suppose i'm a little disappointed- i was the last result for this search. then again, only five of us fit this unique query.

finally, i swore i wouldn't post anything for those hilary duff fans with foot fetishes, but this search was flattering enough to make the cut:

famous sexy feet

somebody cue the music.

if you like my tootsies and you think they're sexy
come on sugar let me know......

actually, after a day in shoes sans socks (i know- not my brightest idea, but i figured it would take at least two rounds before the shoes got even the tiniest bit funky), i think a good scrubbing's in order before anyone even begins to think of my feet as sexy. so, while i locate both febreze and some serious soap, perhaps you'd like to check out other people's (much sexier) naked feet and whatnot.

hnt #10

i cheated and took this week's hnt pictures over the weekend. since i have two to post (i couldn't decide which i liked more), they're here, for once, instead of on random photos.

so there you have it: my collarbone, chin, and the bags under my eyes.

i don't know why playboy hasn't shoved one of those centerfold questionnaires in front of me, either.

(not that i know for sure they have such things, but i know lots of boys, and i'm told they'd know about that sort of stuff......)

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

i used to go all night........

i can remember when i could stay up all night and be perfectly functional in the morning.

not only have i lost the ability to do that, but if i'm up much after midnight two or three nights in a row, i wake up feeling like something the cat hacked up.

this doesn't mean i'm getting old, does it? crap.

Monday, November 07, 2005

oh sherrie duff.......

steve perry's trying to tell me something- i just know it.

stop shaking your head and giggling- i have not lost my marbles! (well, not any more of them, anyway.)

let's look at the evidence:

exhibit a: he had a song called "oh sherrie". i know at least three people named sherry.

exhibit b: i have heard the above mentioned song at least once a day, every day for the past week. now, i know it's nowhere near his birthday (which, by the way, is the same day as michael hutchence's..the lead singer of my favorite band (exhibit c)), and i don't think journey's coming to town anytime soon, so what could possibly account for all the airplay that song's getting?

exhibit d: steve perry used to have long hair and wear obscenely tight jeans. i have long hair, and some days my jeans are a little tighter than i'd like them to be.

now, taking all of this into consideration, can you honestly look me in the eye (a little lower- i'm only 5'2") and tell me that steve perry isn't trying to send me a message?



maybe i have my perrys mixed up. come to think of it, i have heard "love in an elevator" on a daily basis, too.

everything you ever wanted to know about me*

*but were afraid to ask.

1. of all the haircolors i've had, i've loved purple the best
2. however, the green i had for my college graduation was pretty cool, too.
3. my hair has also been blue, red, orange, and pink (that last one was by accident.)
4. my favorite college professor once commented that i should match my writing utensil to my hair.
5. i was blonde at the time, so i took the next test with a yellow highlighter while wearing my tennis ball airwalk shoes. (no points were deducted.)
6. i wore those same shoes at my graduation- just as an inside joke between the two of us.
7. speaking of graduation, i earned a degree from each of my university's three colleges. at graduation, we were supposed to stand when our college was called. i regret not standing up for all three.
8. unless i'm writing something for some sort of professional use, chances are good that there won't be any capital letters.
9. when i sign my name, i don't use capitals either. (unless it's my legal name, on legal paper work....which i try to avoid.)
10. yes, i've heard of e.e. cummings.
11. a college professor i had a bad crush on gave me a volume of cummings' poetry as a college graduation gift.
12. my boyfriend at the time gave me....nothing.
13. i rationalized it by saying it was because he was broke, but now i think something- even just a card would have been nice.
14. my favorite cummings poem? "may i feel said he"
15. oh, and that boyfriend? he was the grad assistant who taught my chemistry lab. (we didn't start seeing each other as anything more than friends until well after that course was over.)
16. he was the first guy to tell me he loved me.
17. my response? i burst into tears.
18. i haven't heard from him for several months now, which worries me, because the last i'd heard, he had passed the 30-month mark in his wait for healthy kidneys. (i'd be devastated to google him and find something terrible had happened.)
19. my favorite features are my eyes and calves.
20. i'm working on adding my stomach to the list, but i hate crunches.
21. one of the few things i remember from high school biology is that blue eyes are caused by a recessive gene. two brown-eyed parents can have a blue-eyed baby, but not the other way around.
22. i sing along in the car....sometimes even when i can't stand/don't really know the song.
23. i'll sing in a bad british accent, whether it's necessary or not.
24. i've never been asked to a dance, including prom. in fact, i spent the night of my senior prom at mama's house, while my freshman sibling not only went to that dance, but was allowed to stay out later than my curfew.
25. i've been to the bottom of the grand canyon.
26. i've been to the top of the eiffel tower. (it was okay, but i was more excited about jim morrison's grave.)
27. "the haunted mansion" is my favorite ride, anywhere.
28. i thought college was going to be a combination of real genius, pcu, and threesome.
29. predictably, i was a little disappointed that neither val kilmer nor stephen baldwin ever wandered out of my closet....and jeremy piven sure as heck never invited me to any of his parties.
30. speaking of val kilmer, not only has he been my favorite actor for the past 17 years, but there's also a clause in my relationship (known as "the val kilmer clause"), that states that, should he ever ask, i am allowed to get naked spend "quality time" with him.
31. in exchange, SO can run off with sheryl crow, denise richards, or shannon elizabeth.
32. should val ever actually show up at my door, i'd probably be too petrified to talk, let alone say something intelligent and witty that might make him say, "hey- you're fantastic. i must have you now."
33. i have about 20 swatches- probably about half of them need some sort of repair.
34. when i first got my crown, i was horrified by the notion that it might fall out while i was talking, and there i'd be, missing a front tooth.
35. when it happened, it wasn't nearly that traumatic. in fact, i was missing a front tooth for about a month before i did anything about it.
36. when i had two permanant teeth pulled before getting braces, i cried...not because it hurt, but because i don't like losing perfectly good body parts.
37. as far as cancer's concerned, i seem to be genetically f*cked. this bothers me more than you realize, though i joke that if i lose my boobs, i'll get Cs.
38. we weren't allowed to run around barefoot outdoors when we were little, which is why i do now....which is probably why the fire ants attack me so frequently.
39. i am selectively ticklish (who isn't?)
40. i'll kick you if you tickle my feet. (seriously- so, like, don't.)
41. i have never macarena'd.
42. i wrote an underground 'zine in high school. occasionally, i contemplate starting it up again, but let's face it- i have no time. (besides, the next time i write something major, i want it to be my first book.)
43. i was voted "female class clown" my senior year of high school. i still hold that one pretty high on my list of achievements.
44. most of my serious crushes have been on guys who play soccer.
45. just typing that makes me a little weak in the knees.
46. i'll take diamond dave over sammy any day.
47. i wanted to be a stand-up comedian, but that whole "getting up in front of a crowd" thing is a bit of a deterrent. (besides, i'm terrible with rejection, though you'd think i'd be used to that sort of thing by now....)
48. both of my parents were in the military, as well as my sibling.
49. i had to pass on that one- i have issues with authority.
50. i think led zep's overrated.
51. when i was younger, i was going to grow up to marry greg louganis.
52. george michael was also pretty high up on my list.
53. speaking of george, the only time i've ever actually eaten at a hard rock cafe was during a trip to france in high school. i sat right under his jacket from the "faith" video.
54. i collect shirts and teddy bears from hard rock cafes- except for one. i will not set foot in the baltimore hard rock, because i miss the days when the power plant was an amusement attraction, and i'm stubborn like that.
55. i remember where i was when i found out michael hutchence died.
56. i remember how i found out about princess diana, that same year. i thought my boss was joking.
57. i also thought that boss was pretty hot....and i'll admit that every now and then i google him to see if he comes up. (nope.)
58. i wear makeup once a year, at the most, yet i sell it regularly.
59. i like labor-intensive foods- artichokes, crabs, and pomegranates. i figure if you want something decent, you have to be willing to work for it. (and yes, that applies to more than just food.)
60. i have a dozen postcards i could send to post secret...but i'm not going to do it.
61. in high school, my dad and i played a game of tennis, and he screwed up his knee pretty badly. we weren't on the best of terms at the time, and i believe i laughed....that was a pretty bitchy thing to do, and i feel badly about it.
62. aside from joey galford trying to kiss me on the bus in first grade, i didn't actually get my first kiss until i was fifteen.
63. first everything else came long after that.
65. when we were younger, we watched reruns of the monkees on tv. davy jones (sibling's favorite) has a book out around that time, and appeared at our local mall. i stayed home all day in my bedroom, because i was scared to death of meeting him and refused to go.
66. which reminds me- mickey dolenz is still my favorite monkee, because
67. i tend to go for goofy guys.
68. in fact, i'll take an average looking guy with a good personality over someone who's drop dead gorgeous any day.
69. ....unless it's val kilmer, though i have no idea what his personality is like, quite frankly.
70. i like digital pictures for blogging purposes, but prefer film for everything else.
71. 75% of my favorite teachers/professors have taught history or social studies
72. i tend to associate songs/music groups with boyfriends. in high school, there was "hurt", by nine inch nails (i still think of him whenever i hear NIN), and in college, there was a john denver fanatic, as well as some sort of relationship with a tool fan, and i can't help but associate a certain impolite prince song with one (who, come to think of it, was a bit impolite himself), as well at "next" by too close with one who also reminded me of a twenty-something cabbage patch kid. here in south carolina, there's been one who brings the eels to mind (interestingly enough, one of the reasons he dumped me was for my "bad taste in music"), as well as one who makes me think of "the promise", by when in rome, simply because i like it, he doesn't, and a phone call about it at 4 a.m. one morning led to where we are today.
73. sometimes, i'm a little verbose.
74. i like to travel- a lot. in fact, the master plan is to get rich enough that i can travel instead of working all the time.
75. favorite places i've been in the last five years: barcelona, the grand canyon, prince edward island
76. places i want to go: australia (since i was pretty little), bermuda, belize
77. i get insulted when people call me a "grown-up", "woman", or "adult". i'm too young to be any of those. instead, just consider me a "big kid".
78. in fact, you know that saying: "growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional"? that's me, baby.
79. i still get a kick out of making snow angels, sledding, and attempting to make igloos.
80. my biggest reason for teaching preschool was having the ability to make messes.
81. i can still make messes while babysitting, so i suppose my creative needs are still being met.
82. nothing irritates me more than slow drivers in the fast lane. (yes, i swear at them.)
83. i've never been a "girly girl".
84. if you meet me in person, i probably won't say much to you right away. it's not because i'm stuck up- i'm actually a bit shy and it takes me a while to get used to new people.
85. yes, it's possible to be a shy dj. in front of a microphone, i'm fine. in front of a crowd of people, i am not.
86. i sing in the shower, but only if i'm home alone.
87. come to think of it, my dad called me a few unflattering names in high school (did i mention we didn't exactly get along?), which is part of why i didn't feel bad about #61 at the time.
88. yes, we get along a lot better now that i'm 1000 miles away.
89. i've collected absolut vodka ads for the past twelve years. there are still quite a few i'd love to get my hands on.
90. i'm only allergic to stuff i wouldn't want to eat anyway.
91. i have always liked trains, and can't let one go by without counting the cars.
92. i know several sesame street songs by heart.
93. i know even more 80s songs by heart.
94. i've seen 4 out of 5 of my favorite bands twice each: inxs, duran duran (the recent tours of the original lineup, of course), depeche mode, and the cult.
95. i've only seen U2 once, but one of these days i hope to be able to remedy that situation.
96. the new kids on the block played in baltimore on my birthday one year- i was pissed that i couldn't go.
97. jordan was my favorite, jon was sibling's. (however, since she really has no use for him, i'll adopt him as my own, as well.)
98. during my new kids phase, i was into hair bands, too. (i still am.)
99. i saw poison and cinderella in concert the same day i got my tattoo, five years ago last june. (slaughter also played, but we missed them. dammit.)
100. i had a really hard time keeping this list to only 100 items.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

what's it worth to you, buddy?


i'd written a brilliant post about money, slutty dolls, and lego videos, and then when i went looking for a new lego music video to link to, about fifteen error message windows popped up, and the computer spontaneously combusted.

okay, maybe i'm exaggerating a little, but only about the spontaneous combustion part- the computer just smoked a little bit, but that was taken care of with the cup of water i'm not supposed to have in the studio during my show.

this, alone, survived:

i had a good week financially, and since i'm in a monetary sort of mood, this little toy i found via penny's blog has amused me for the past half hour:

My blog is worth $36,130.56.
How much is your blog worth?

i went on to test out a few friends' blogs, realized that i'm not so virtually wealthy after all, and then moved on to *thinking* hold on- let me hit save, so i don't lose this again......
....that's better.

so anyway, speaking of things disappearing,

the slutty doll is missing. she left behind her box, spare clothes, and a bracelet. so, until she reappears, i'm afraid there won't be any more music video reenactments. sorry about that.


i just had a thought. (brace yourself!) what if she joined recondo's army?

no? not there? perhaps she's walking the streets of l.a..

you don't see her, either? is she hanging out with freud?

not there either? crap.

at this point, i fear the worst- she may have been flushed down the toilet by the demonic doll over at jurgen nation.

perhaps i should make some of those "have you seen me?" postcards to stuff in mailboxes around town, just in case.

this could take awhile, but rest assured, i'll be back (even if the slutty doll isn't)...............

Saturday, November 05, 2005

sentence saturday #2

if you're a first-time sentence saturday participant, read this first.

if you're a returning participant, scroll through the comments to find your word (it'll be in the last comment).

as you may recall, we ended last week with hoshinka, courtesy of my sibling, so it'll serve as our first word this week.

(by the way, thanks for the links jenny, spinning girl, and miss kendra.)

Friday, November 04, 2005


that's the more printable version of what i screamed when i came flying off a ladder this week. (actually, surprisingly, that's not far off- i resisted the urge to use my favorite word, as there were little ears elsewhere in the house.)

which reminds me, that's something else for my upcoming "100 things" post, which i'm still
working on- and by working, i mean that i have about seven little scraps of paper with random facts about myself scribbled on them. i know the present location of about two of those pieces of paper, though i suspect a third is a lot.....cleaner, as i'm pretty sure i forgot to check the pockets of my last intact pair of jeans before i tossed them into the laundry earlier this week.

also scribbled on those little scraps of paper are various songs i've heard this week on the xm 80s channel. (i'm still quite loyal to regular radio, but since my employers don't own any of those sorts of old-fashioned gadgets, channel eight it is.) in fact, when was the last time you heard "the curly shuffle" by jump 'n the saddle? how about donny osmond's "soldier of love"? (i am mildly insulted that "soldier of love" is considered a golden oldie.....i mean, it was released in 1989, for goodness sake.)

oh. my. god. were that song a child, it would be driving right now.

anyway, where was i? songs...scraps of paper.....ah yes- home improvement week and my boundless klutziness.

so anyway, lately most of my time at the workplace has been spent taking care of various "home improvement" tasks. i have spackled. i have sanded. i have primed. i have sanded. i have respackled after sanding too far. i have resanded. i have reprimed. i have pried off drawer handles, towel bars, and toilet paper holders. i am now a wallpaper-stripping fool. however, my reason for living lately has been the repainting of a remodeled bathroom. (i love painting, so i'm all over this particular task.)

with painting, however, come a few occupational hazards. i know, i know- most people can haul out a can of paint, couple of brushes, and slap the paint up on the walls without incident. most people are not klutzy, like me.

let's back up a little and spend a moment or two discussing the preparation of this room for the painting that i am thoroughly enjoying, shall we?

the toilet has been removed from its little area of the bathroom, which makes it far easier to strip wallpaper and paint the wall. the little screws that hold the throne in place had it in for me on day one of the de-wallpapering project. you see, when i was younger, we were not allowed to run around without shoes. as a result, i tend to be barefoot, unless i'm in the car, because, quite frankly, driving barefoot just isn't pleasant. so, naturally, i was stripping wallpaper barefoot......and stepped on one of those damned screws. thankfully, i escaped without a puncture wound or tetanus, and (so far) my foot has not turned green and fallen off at the ankle.
nowadays, they have little tools to poke holes in the wallpaper, so the stuff you spray on to break down the glue can penetrate the paper and whatnot.

when you leave one of those pokey things on the floor and then step on it, it is able to penetrate your foot, as well. (don't ask me how i know- let's just say i tend to learn things the hard way. however, the wounds have healed quite nicely- thanks for asking.)

after the wallpaper has had adequate time to soak up the magical anti-glue spray, you can either pull the paper down by hand, or jab at it with a putty knife. as the paper drops to the floor, it is important to remember what hazards lie underneath. (that would be toilet screw: 2, duff: a big fat zero....and a band-aid, if you can spare one, please.)

after the wallpaper has been stripped, you need to wander around with a wet sponge, dabbing at the bits of paper that stayed behind on the wall, as well as the glue that was immune to the magical anti-glue spray. (speaking of the spray, i should mention that spraying it above your head is not a good idea. i'm not exactly sure what's in it, but the fan was blowing, i was spraying, and suddenly.....let's just say i would not exactly like to drink a tall glass of magical anti-glue spray with my dinner this evening. perhaps i could have some ice water instead? thanks.)

so anyway, i'm dabbing, and picking at the stubborn paper with my fingernails, which now have globs of wallpaper glue underneath them and dammit- there goes another fingernail. (broken fingernails don't normally bother me, but i'm going for effect here, so let's just run with it, okay?)
post-picking and scraping, there's that time-honored pre-painting tradition: spackling. i consider myself a fairly skilled spackler. personally, i prefer rubbing the spackle into cracks and holes with my fingers, but i suppose some of that has to do with my fondness for making messes, which is why teaching two year olds had its appeal. when rubbing spackle, one must not stop for any reason to rub/scratch their nose (and heaven forbid you should pick it. i shudder to think what would happen then.....), as spackle is very hard to remove from one's face, especially when one is trying to make oneself presentable for a meeting with a new avon customer taking place in "oh-crap-iwas-supposed-to-be-there-five-minutes-ago!" o'clock. (exfoliating scrub works well, which is why i now carry a little tube of it with me at all if i has room in my bag for it, but that's okay, because i don't really need to carry my entire lip balm collection with me at all times, especially when it's still 80 degrees during the day down here. (i like snow, too, but i must admit, i like wearing shorts in november.) but i digress....yeah, again.....)

so, i got most of the spackle off, and splattered enough paint on myself the past couple of days to cover up the rest...which is good, because the bottoms of my feet were somewhat protected when the globe over the light bulb wound up about eight feet closer to the ground than its intended location- and in about 100 more pieces, too. (no need to worry- i cleaned it all up- by hand, foot, and vacuum- except for the piece i found this afternoon, as i danced around the bathroom, brush in hand, to the sweet, soulful sounds of lisa lisa and cult jam...but i'm digressing again.)

which brings me to the ladder....which, by the way, was fully responsible for the relocation of the light fixture- i was merely an innocent bystander, who stood there watching, horrified, as the hunk of frosted glass fell to the ground and shattered, all in slow motion. there i was the other night, barefoot, covered in primer, balancing on the top of the ladder (well, not the top, since they put all those warnings on ladders nowadays about how standing on the top of the ladder will lead to certain death, followed by a trip on the midnight express to the fiery place, all because you didn't do as you were told and confine your activities to the lower 2/3 of the ladder......) with one foot on the windowsill, right arm fully extended to put a dab of paint in this one corner i can almost reach and let me strectch just a little more, i can almost reach it....which i did, but then i tried to turn around on the ladder, half of which was in the bathtub, which made it slightly less than stable, and suddenly i'm making contact with said tub with a bit more force than usual and trying to keep the ladder from squishing me- and denting the wall, which, of course, will require more spackling, but that's okay, because i probably have some on my nose anyway.

somehow, i doubt bob vila covered these sorts of things on "this old house".

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

long time, no see.


my head's killing me, and i'm trying to do three things at once, and i've had lots of visitors lately, who just haven't seen me at my wittiest. so, i'll tell you what- let me finish adding up these orders, run a warm bubble bath, take a (slightly early, i hope) hnt picture for the photo blog, and perhaps after i finish posting it, i'll be able to think clearly enough to write something halfway entertaining.

in the meantime, something to ponder:
(write the first thing that comes to mind)

artichokes ::
kalani ::
bubbles ::
frustration ::
rod stewart ::

just a few random things floating around in my noggin.......

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

you searched for what??? (part twelve)

wet my pants at school

i didn't really wet them. i mean, they got wet...and i was responsible for their deliberate wetting, but heck- just put the depends down. i don't need them.

yes, kids, it's time once again to sneak a peek inside my statcounter account and see how on earth some of you folks found me. (which isn't to say i'm not glad you did, but you have to admit, people are just plain strange sometimes....)

loud hiccups

you know, i'm really glad that hiccuping isn't like yawning. if i read the word "yawn", i can't resist the urge to open wide and stretch out my arms. if reading "hiccup" got me started, i'd be in big trouble right about now.

hilary duffs bra size

once again, i've managed to get confused with joel madden's girlfriend. i can only imagine your disappointment. however, as a service to you, i will take a wild-assed guess: 38DD

hilary duffs cell phone number

because of course she's going to answer if she sees you on her caller i.d. put down that mouse and back away from the keyboard slowly, okay there, stalker?

and speaking of hilary....
hilary duffs back round check

no, really- that was the search. (somehow, i came up first, believe it or not.)

What Dreams Are Made of -Hilary Duff Random

hilary wasn't in that movie, was she?

billy idol wearing leather pants

thanks to this post, i'm the third result for this search. maybe now he'll finally notice me.

and while we're on the subject of blond boys i wouldn't mind being noticed by....

gunnar nelson musings

yep- the nelson two of the reasons i can't seem to walk away from the tv during one of those "i love the 80s 3d" episodes"

fee waybill rocky horror show europe 2005

fee waybill? wasn't he one of the tubes? i'll stick with tim curry as frank n. furter- thanks.

finally, something with an international sort of flair:

polish babes

1. i'm not polish
2. i don't feel particularly babelike
3. somehow, i still came up as the #2 result for this search.

i shudder to think what some of you folks will come up with next.