Saturday, December 31, 2005

i always feel like...somebody's watching me.

i'm keeping an ear on the kids i'm babysitting- if the eldest two don't get quiet in the next ten minutes, i guess i'll have to wander in and threaten to separate about the time i finish this post.

anyway, i finally opened a piece of "junk" mail today. normally i toss letters from random banks into the trash, especially since

a. i run up enough debt on my credit card....and i have zero need to have another one at my disposal.

b. i get a lot of credit card offers from banks.

however, this one has sat on the dining room table (instead of the recycling heap) for quite some time now....because it was a little different. most of these "incredible offers" from banks are addressed to my non-duff name....or, on occasion, they're to my non-non-duff name...but this was the first to "Ms. Duff E. Bear".

great...who decided to send spam based on an an email alias?

i should have known. without going into great detail, let's just say i was right. it was him...and it wasn't a wife, but the girlfriend who's sometimes an ex.

of course, i opened this letter today, long after scribbling out the holiday card, complete with the inquiry about marriage (i think i included that, i mean, he was my hundredth (alphabetically) out of 130) as well as one about the "gas station incident"...which was phrased in his letter like this:

"I think I may have seen you walking into the gas station in Platte Woods while you were in town but I'm not for sure."

i love it when i'm right.

now, if you'll excuse me, i've got a couple of kids to fuss at and a letter to write.

this just in...

well, actually, i just got in. i'm back from maine (nearly 70 degrees down here, i was about 65 degrees colder in maine this morning....), and i've got unpacking to do, dishes to do, mail to know- the usual post-trip list.

so, please forgive the lack of sentence saturday this week. i have less than 3 hours to get a few things done and head out the door to babysit tonight. (SO won't be back from his corner of the country, so unless i cuddle up to a cat or a sleeping five year old, i've got no one to kiss at midnight...again this year.

but i have pictures...lots of them, in fact. and two posts to write- one on my adventures in the great white north (sort of), and one involving this undeniable urge i have to listen to la guns. (it relates to a book i'm reading, but i don't want to spoil it.....)

so, check back with me tomorrow, when i hope to have all that and maybe a year end wrap-up or some resolutions or something, which, let's face it, is more than you've gotten from me all week.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

where's the park?

(i'm backdating this- hope you actually scroll down far enough to see it)

i came to maine armed with my national park passport (if i had to guess, i'd say kal probably has one, but not too many of my other blog buddies), with the intention of visiting acadia national park, on mount desert (pronounced "dessert"- just a helpful tip) island, so i could snap a few dozen photos and get my passport stamped.

we ran into a lot of fog during our drive to mdi, but we were optimistic that the weather would be a little clearer on the island.

well, it was.....a little.

(photograph taken from an abandoned "observation deck" in bar harbor, maine)

most of the fog had lifted, but it was still rainy and nasty and hard to see much of fact, i got pretty wet trying to take this picture at one of the park entrances:

the trip was strangely reminiscent of another national park trip, back in november 2004.....

any guesses?

nope- not yellowstone...

not the rockies.....

yep- believe it or not, the grand canyon's around here somewhere....

our first view of the inner canyon

the first part of the hike (on the hermit trail) was at a bit of an angle, but this section was an easy stroll.

the colorado river, day two of the hike

this picture does not do the tree justice

i should know the name of this formation, but, sadly, i have not a clue

looking back on day three, as we hiked back out of the canyon

Monday, December 26, 2005

scroll down- my last one was funnier

i was all set to settle in and post a few pictures, but the wireless setup at mama's school and my computer are not friends, and this high-quality machine i'm currently using....well...let's just say i'm better off updating random photos from home.

which reminds me- i did, indeed, get a present from my secret admirer, sigmund. (check out the sidebar for the backstory.)

i'm pleased to report that about half of my holiday cards are finished, about half of my avon pile has been entered into my computer, and i even found time to watch a little tv last night (the carol burnett reunion special from last do i love tim conway? let me count the ways...., as well as a couple of episodes of law & order.)

okay, enough of an update- especially since it's not up to my usual standards of entertainment. besides, leftover holiday lasagna and a blueberry cream soda are calling my name.....

Saturday, December 24, 2005

do i get extra frequent flyer miles for this?

hello from maine. have you ever landed on an unplowed runway? it was only a small part of yesterday's adventure in the air.....and one of the better parts, at that.

somewhere, in the recesses of my inbox, i have a copy of that letter that was written awhile back to one of the airlines by a very disgruntled passenger who was fortunate enough to wind up seated across from the airplane bathroom.

i now understand completely.

the trip to the airport yesterday was pretty uneventful, and i managed to get my tickets without much incident- despite never actually finding my official itinerary, which i'm sure will be the first thing i spot upon my return to kansas city columbia. (i've traveled a little too much lately. i figure it'll take me a couple of months to figure out whether i'm coming or going.) i even made it through security pretty easily...well, after i got out of line and retrieved the polo sweatshirt i'd dropped down the hall. contrary to what i was told, not every passenger was getting the full pat down. (to be perfectly honest, i was a little disappointed- i mean, what's a girl gotta do to get felt up these days?)

anyway, i set up camp near an outlet (the better to charge my computer, my dear) and commenced entering avon orders into the computer. (i'm trying to reduce the piles at home while on vacation. it's part of my "getting organized during avon downtime" kick.)

anyway, we finally boarded about forty five minutes later, and as i waddled down the aisle with my worldly possessions, i double-checked my ticket against the row numbers. there were thirteen rows on the plane, yet i was seated in row 14. just as i was about to turn around and ask the stewardess if i should've grabbed a ladder and set up camp on the tail, i realized there was no thirteenth row.

i guess the folks at delta were a little superstitious.

after stowing my backpack and claiming my window seat (yes, i could actually look out the window, doug), i noticed we were right across from the throne. this was also pointed out by the stewardess, who cheerfully told my seatmate and me not to worry if the door opened during takeoff, as "it's a little loose".

i'm not worried about takeoff...i'm worried about sitting down for a quick "meeting in the office" and suddenly finding myself meeting with...well, other people.

thank goodness i followed mama's advice and went before leaving home.

the door remained stable during takeoff, but we weren't so lucky during landing.

i'd always thought that complaint letter was a little harsh, but now i understand. it's been so long since my last trip to an airplane bathroom that i'd forgotten that they generally aren't rose-scented, but assuming everyone flushes, it shouldn't be a terribly big deal, right?

after the door flew open during landing, i could only come to the conclusion that someone didn't flush...and, since the only person brave enough to use the bathroom the entire flight was the stewardess.......

but, perhaps my thinking was a little clouded by the green fog. i thought about having a brief discussion on the matter with my seatmate, but he was too busy using his shirt to filter the air, and talking would have required me to actually breathe, which i was trying desperately not to do.

in some odd way, sitting next to the screaming baby on my second flight was a vast improvement.

sibling arrives today. i'm sure my flight story will top hers...absolutely. sure. of. it.

Friday, December 23, 2005

have i told you lately.... much i hate automated phone systems? i mean, really. is it too much to ask that delta's computer pass me over to a representative the first or second time i ask, instead, of still insisting upon taking down more information, even after i've begun hissing my answers from between clenched teeth?

if i wanted to talk to you, you binary-code comprehending hunk of junk, i wouldn't have asked for a representative twelve no, wait, thirteen times.

that said, it's time for me to offer up my longest running holiday tradition. even before i figured out how to carefully slice through scotch tape with a pocketknife and then reseal my presents, i have visited mama for christmas. for at least the last 8 years, this trip has been preceded by the annual "where the hell did i put my copy of the itinerary" hunt, followed by the time-honered last-minute panic call to mama to beg her to send me another copy:

me: now, where the hell is that itinerary?

me: (tears apart bedroom)

me: (tears apart SO's bedroom, just in case i was reading it in bed or something and dropped it on the floor)

me: (tears apart living room)

me: (tears apart bathroom)

no, wait- that was when i was looking for a disposable razor to tame my forest of leg hair last night.

me: (frantically dials phone)

phone: *ring*

me: crap. i hope she's home.

phone: *ring*

me: did i look on the dining room table? maybe it's under that heap of expired coupons.

phone: *ring*

me: maybe the couch swallowed it.

phone: *ring*

mama: hello?

(mama is interrupted by...)

answering machine: hello. no one can come to the phone right now. please leave your name and phone number and shoe size after the beep.

me: hi, mama. hi, strange man. guess what?

mama: you can't find your itinerary?

answering machine: (sits there in awed silence, trying to figure out how on earth i can manage to lose the same darned thng year after year. finally gives up, emits a long, loud beep, and hangs up)

the rest of the call varies from year to year, and i don't rightly recall the rest of this year's version, mostly because i was tearing apart the refrigerator. (you know, just in case i figured leaving the itinerary someplace cold would remind me of maine.)

this year, not one, but two copies are lurking somewhere in this apartment. thank goodness i've finally come to understand the beauty of e-tickets.

i won't have any internet access in maine- can't get the moose to hold still long enough to attach the routers to their antlers. however, should the new brunswick welcome center be open..... (thing #12 i love about canada: free internet access at welcome centers.)

oh, and i know i'm terribly behind on my photos. i'll get caught up after vacation. after all, it's the holidays, dude.

have a happy one (or multiple, depending on which/how many you feel like celebrating). i'll be back in action by the first.....

dec 23rd edit: we will skip "sentence saturday" this week. go play with your kids or take care of that last-minute holiday shopping instead, okay?

Monday, December 19, 2005

in the holiday spirit.....

it's going to be a busy, busy week (cards to write, presents to wrap, mostly-packed suitcases to fill with fresh underwear/socks, and lots of work to undo the damage done to my credit card recently.....), but i have a little time to share some of the ol' holiday spirit.

first, before we start, this link should be fixed. if you click on it between 10am and 3pm est today, you should be able to hear me filling in for our regular midday girl. hopefully i'm not too much of an assault on the ears.

here's the list i found to talk about today. by sharing some of these with you, i figure i'm performing a public service.

got any other good lines? leave 'em in the comments- i'm running out of things to say about some of the treasures that have been bestowed upon me over the years.......

here are some other tips i found for dealing with bad presents from good people.

finally, here's a helpful test to determine if you're a bad gift giver.

and a few other mindless odds and ends:

Your Elf Name Is...

Grumpy Hot Chocolate

You Were Nice This Year!

You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list.
You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year.
Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good.
Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight?

and, appropriately:

You Are a Losing Lottery Ticket!

Full of hope and promise.
But in the end, a cheap letdown.

finally, i found this festive little time-waster.

hey- that could give me an excuse not to start scribbling xmas cards for at least another half an hour........

Sunday, December 18, 2005

the holiday rush, part two

if i put my "to do" list on here, i can pretend i'm blogging while actually accomplishing something- or is it the other way around?

i finally finished my holiday letter last weekend. i attempted to make copies of it yesterday, but that only led to heartbreak, frustration, and the overwhelming desire to reenact the fax machine scene from office space.

however, i managed to wrestle about ten copies from the jaws of the copy machine, which is approximately 1/12th of what i need. (no lectures about trimming the list, please- i like sending cards.)

so, unless i can convince the copy machine to see things my way and stop mangling my copies, i have an excuse to write no more than ten holiday cards. (hey, it's a start.)

also on the "to do" list today:

~figure out what the heck i want for christmas, which includes nothing here....not even the ram's head snuff mull. (i must admit, though, the wheels make it pretty tempting...)

~locate another pair of my bouncy adidas (women's a3 megaride in silver/blue) and purchase them before SO can....thwarting his evil plans. (well, not really evil- i just prefer to make things a little harder for him so he'll be forced to surprise me...)

~scribble on avon catalogs and add up my 2-week vacation from makeup, accessories, and trinkets can begin wednesday evening.

~call our engineer and get the radio station's streaming fixed, so you might actually be able to hear me between now and the holidays, instead of thinking i'm just being a tease.

~figure out what to get SO for christmas. so far, rejected possibilities include:

*sheryl crow

not happening because: lance armstrong could totally kick SO's ass.

*denise richards

not happening because: charlie sheen could totally kick SO's ass.

*shannon elizabeth

not happening because: her ex-husband could totally kick SO's ass.

*alyssa milano

not happening because: i'm not sure whether she's married or not, but even if she isn't, she could totally kick SO's ass. plus, he watches charmed enough to know that she knows witchcraft. (then again, maybe that's a turn-on.)

so, with those options thrown out, i'm left with sun devil gear, green corn tamales from his favorite restaurant, revenge of the sith, and one of these.

actually, that eagle/skull thing would be perfect for someone else i know. if you'll excuse me, i need to locate my credit card information. i think i'll need at least three.......

Saturday, December 17, 2005

sentence saturday #7

as kalani was kind enough to remind me (and what were you doing up that far past your bedtime, young lady?), it's sentence saturday once again.

thanks to stef, this week's first word is snogshonzz.

scroll through the comments to find yours.....

...oh, and while you're thinking of the perfect word to leave for someone else, you can listen to me online (yay! streaming!) from 10-3 est. i'll try not to screw up too many breaks.....

Friday, December 16, 2005

penny for your thoughts.....

i'm totally stealing this from penny.....though it's taken me a little while to get it posted. (feel free to put your answers down in "comments", or swipe this for your blog.....)

Friday's Feast
Name something you'll miss about 2005.
pat morita, don adams, frank gorshin, grandpa

What is one thought that went through your mind today?
"what on earth is this customer trying to order?"

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how compassionate would you say you are?
8, give or take two, depending on the situation

Main Course
If you could invent something, what would it be?
along penny's train of thought...self-cleaning dishes

Do you prefer salty snacks or sweet treats?
usually salty- when i get my braces off, i'm totally eating an entire bag of pistachios in one sitting.

Free Association

Stalker:: jodie foster
Outrageous:: jem
Carrying:: heavy thoughts
Spirited:: what i want to be when i (don't) grow up
Oh!:: d'oh!
Grid:: off the
Country:: adam ant
Karen:: three of my customers this time around
Candles:: ginger grapefruit....yummy
Relationship:: as solid as i hope it is?

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

gasping for air

1. i'm alive
2. i'm up to my eyeballs in avon stuff...and trying to build up hours at work....and christmas stuff (if my cards are mailed by the first, they still count, right? maybe next year, i should get "merry belated christmas" cards instead.)
3. i think i'll be able to come up for air this weekend- earlier, if i'm lucky.

i will be so glad when the "holiday rush" is over.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

you searched for what??? (episode 14)

it's been a little while since i last dug deep into statcounter and fished out some of the truly odd searches that have led you here....mind if i share?

oh, happy day! i can add a silver medal to my collection- i'm #2 on google for stepped barefoot in glue. (really- who searches for these things?)

i am also pleased to report that big brother's watching me. i recently had a visit from
(U.s. Senate Sergeant At Arms)
District Of Columbia, Washington, United States, 0 returning visits
18th November 2005 04:40:54 PM

who is the senate sergeant at arms, anyway?

here's the thing, though: i scrolled through ten pages of results for this search, yet my blog is nowhere to be found. this is puzzling.....

on a musical note, someone recently found me by searching for
song no turkey for hurkey

it's okay- i'm not quite sure i understand it, either.

here's something else i don't understand- somehow, a search for not only leads to me, but leads to me first!


on a more musical note, i'm result #12 for catsuit buggles video.

i guess that means i'm practically an expert on the subject....though i'm afraid i can't answer any actual questions about the subject. now, eating bugles while wearing a catsuit is another matter- i'm all over that.

it's a short one this time, gang- these holiday cards don't write themselves, you know.....

arrghh...the holidays

i'm tinkering with my annual holiday letter- still.

i started writing it on my last plane trip, and finished it (sort of) before i got back to columbia.

however, it just doesn't seem as entertaining as in previous years.

i'm about five minutes away from making up hilarious anecdotes to spice things up.

6 p.m. edit: it's finished!(cue evil laugh)

Saturday, December 10, 2005

i see you, baby

shakin that thang, shakin that thang

man, whatever happened to groove armada?

a few things have shown up on my statcounter lately. i can only assume that means i've been added to thanks:

mr. g

and, last but not least, the lovely and talented kalani, who's a weekly supporter. (sort of like a favorite bra, minus the pokey underwire...)

i hope i didn't forget anyone....but if i did, feel free to yell at me in my comment section for this post.

tying up loose ends

it's going to be one of those multitasking sorts of more post to add from my trip, christmas cards to write (at least 30 today, i swear!), catalogs to scribble on, words to make up.....

which reminds me, it's saturday, isn't it?

this week's first word is otjgo. scroll through the comments to find yours.....

Friday, December 09, 2005

did i do that?

some days, my klutziness knows no bounds.

i knew it wasn't exactly going to be the best of days this morning, as i got naked, turned on the water, stumbled into the shower, and proceeded to put the ultra-drying facial mask all over my dry,tangly hair. (i was trying for the deep conditioner, as instead of my haircut making the tangles more managable, it seems to be creating more tangles for me to manage. i swear about two fistfuls of hair are sitting in the trash can in the women's restroom at one end of the "d" concourse of the atlanta airport. but i digress....)

anyway, i quickly caught my error, rinsed my hair, and wandered, still dripping, to my still-packed suitcase to retrieve my conditioner. (and no, it didn't wind up on my face, either. i was fully awake by that point.)

the rest of the day went by fairly uneventfully. i folded laundry. i vacuumed the floors. i fed the dog. i kicked the dog out when he came after my food. i put my left foot through the bathroom ceiling. i made croissant-wrapped hot dogs. i babysat the kids.

yeah, you read that right.

there i was, vacuuming the floor, when the phone rang. a couple minutes later, i heard the fax machine sound its distress was out of paper. after searching for paper in the office, it dawned on me that there was probably a box upstairs. i walked across the rafters to the virgin box of paper, grabbed a ream, and headed back downstairs.

i almost wound up taking the express route.

paper in hand, i walked back across the rafters, planting my left foot on footlong 2" by 4" piece of wood.

which slipped.

now, i've done this sort of thing before, over the garage, but apparently the ceiling there is reinforced slightly more, as suddenly, a fair bit of my left leg was dangling, and when i pulled it up, i could very clearly see the brand new scale on the recently-redesigned bathroom floor.

oh shit.

unfortunately, things didn't look much better from downstairs.

slightly panicked, but mostly embarrassed by my inability to carry on daily life without occasionally wrecking stuff, i did the rational thing.

when mama finished chuckling, she reassured me that "these things happen".

to whom? how many of you have inadvertantly altered the structural integrity of a freaking ceiling with your foot?

so yes, these things happen, but probably only to 1 out of every 100 people.

to the other 99 of you: you're welcome.

at any rate, while mama was being utterly reassuring (if there's reassurance to be found in laughter so hard one swears the laugher is doubled over and turning red from giggle-induced overexertion), i wandered out to the garage, grabbed the ladder (yes, the same one that took out a light fixture a couple of months ago), hauled it back to the bathroom, and set about the task of patching things up as best i could.

as you can see, my best wasn't very good:

...but that's okay, as i believe the lesson on "amateur ceiling repair" will follow next week's lesson on "walking across rafters".

surely bob vila learned the tricks of the trade an easier way.....

Thursday, December 08, 2005

my inner child

when in doubt, answer a few questions and throw up a couple of cute pictures.....

Your Inner Child Is Scared

Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences.
You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary!
New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with.
Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.

this one's in tribute to the rabbit i think i slightly smushed with my car a couple weeks ago.

kiss my ass2
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

finally, it looks like using the purity test as a checklist in college didn't make me nearly as slutty as anticipated (ok, so i didn't actually get that far on the list, but still....):

so, how slutty are you?

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

i'm ba-ack!

i survived sub-zero temperatures in wyoming and colorado and made it back home a couple of hours ago. i need to post about both yesterday and today, but one look at my inbox tells me that the avon order will be monopolizing my evening.

however, i wrote while i was away, and if you scroll down, you'll see the posts. (there are a couple, but you'll have to bear with me, as it'll take a little time to get photos added to one of them.) i'll also try to get random photos updated, as well- but it may take me a day or two to get caught up.

Monday, December 05, 2005

20,000 words

so much to write about, but sometimes it’s best to just let the pictures say a couple thousand words for me instead.

i want to be this fantastic when i’m 84.

while the original plan was to drive over to ft. laramie , which is 10 miles away from lingle, wyoming (population 510), norma and i wound up driving to scotts bluff, nebraska, instead. after a meal at the local chinese buffet and a stop at the doctor’s office, we wandered over to the national park, where i picked up not one, not two, but five cancellations on my national park passport.

there’s a road to the top of the bluff, as well as hiking trails throughout the park, but at a whopping 19 degrees, neither norma nor i had any interest whatsoever in exploring either option. (besides, it’ll leave something to accomplish next time.)

on the way home, we stopped at the rock shop between torrington and lingle. my last visit was at least 13 years ago, and i made up for lost time by purchasing just over $100 worth of rocks. (keep in mind, that $80 of it was comprised of a pair of australian opals destined to become a pair of earrings as soon as i have time and money to chase down a trustworthy jeweler.)

while i'm posting pictures, remember those billboards i told you about?

Sunday, December 04, 2005

the most boring post on earth

i know you folks are on the edge of your seat, waiting to hear how i spent my day. (okay, maybe not, but i was bored and felt like blogging instead of working on my holiday letter, and if i don’t post this, i’ll feel like i haven’t accomplished anything today. note: all times are eastern standard, as i have yet to reset my watch.

8:00 a.m.: alarm goes off. wake up to soulful sounds of “back here” by bb mak. make mental note to switch cd to something- anything- else, then nudge SO so he’ll roll over and hit “snooze”. 8:09 a.m.: snooze
8:18 a.m.: snooze
8:25 a.m.: neither snooze nor get out of bed.
8:45 a.m.: call credit card company while SO sucks up hot water in the shower like a damned sponge.
8:50 a.m.: wander into shower. note, with great joy, that water is actually pretty warm.
9:00 a.m.: begin detangling hair
9:05 a.m.: say “screw it”, spray on detangler, and hope for best.
9:07 a.m.: put on half dried jeans (because this particular pair makes my butt look fantastic.) and dig through closet for shirt and socks.
9:07:30 a.m.: locate both cookie monster socks and long-sleeved cookie monster shirt. decide the combination is brilliant.
9:08 a.m.: remember weather in wyoming is supposed to be “colder than a well-digger’s ass”. put on polo sweatshirt.
9:09 a.m.: put on midweight coat while sprinting out door and yelling at SO to do the same. (for the record, he was ready first.)
9:12 a.m.: stop for gas. begin to fret that plane might be missed.
9:14-10:20 a.m.: flip around the radio dial while SO flies down highway toward charlotte. (the tickets were over $100 cheaper than flying out of columbia, which i generally how it works out.) make SO suffer through “kyrie” and “all i need is a miracle”...while singing along.
10:20 a.m.: SO misses desired exit. try not to scream as he takes next exit, turns around, and gets back onto freeway to correct this error.
10:30 a.m.: jump out of car. utter unbecoming words as suitcase refuses to exit the vehicle. tell SO to circle around a couple of times- just in case. forget to utter sweet nothings before closing car door.
10:32 a.m.: tickets in hand, strip naked at security check, then redress and sprint to departure gate, hoping to catch flight.
10:40 a.m.: arrive at gate in time to board plane. listen to disc two of depeche mode’s greatest hits 86<98
12:10 p.m.: after finishing depeche mode cd, plug headphones in to listen to airline-provided xm radio. flip channels and settle on station playing “blue monday”. resist urge to sing along.
12:15 p.m.: also resist urge to sing along to “strip”. instead, concentrate on picturing warpainted adam ant trying to convince me to disrobe.
12:20 p.m.: arrive in atlanta to find my sibling waiting for me. note, with some small sense of dismay, that freud is nowhere to be found.
12:21-12:30 p.m.: wander to one of those typically tourist-trinket filled shops so i could snap a few photos of the gnomes with a bunch of atlanta stuff (state #33 for bodhi), and then head back down the hall to our gate.

or so we thought.

12:30:30 p.m.: note, with horror, that above the desk, under “flt 301: denver 1:35 p.m.”, was a word sure to drive stress into the heart of any traveler: “cancelled”. also note that representatives are nowhere to be found...unless one counts the airline representatives trying every trick in the book to convince stranded travelers that they really should sign up for an airline credit card because, after all, “you’ll get a free ticket”.
12:35 p.m.: after waiting for someone to appear at customer service desk, give up and walk to another gate in search of answers.
12:36 p.m.: assure cute airline representative that the delay is not an inconvenience, as one really would rather not fly on a plane suffering from some sort of “electrical malfunction”. (didn’t buddy holly board one of those?)
12:40 p.m.: new boarding passes in hand, begin trek to terminal d.
12:50 p.m.:leave bags with sibling and take place in quizno’s line. order enough food for small third world country...or self.
1:00 p.m.-3:15 p.m.: set up camp (and computers) at outlet near departure gate. attempt to finish holiday letter. wonder why words just don’t seem to flow like they did last year. while thinking, scope area for cute fellow travelers of the male persuasion. find none. determined to talk to cute male, call SO to utter belated sweet nothings.
3:16 p.m.: take seat next to grumpy guy who doesn’t want to switch seats with sibling. (grumpy guy is not the least bit attractive, despite his blue eyes- plus, he’s grumpy.)
3:18 p.m.; sibling disappears, then reappears with stewardess, who asks woman with ticket for seat next to sibling’s if she’d mind switching seats.
3:18:30 p.m.: climb into sibling’s old window seat. resolve to upgrade her belated birthday gift as “thank you” for giving up window seat.
3:19 p.m.: look out window. notice loose screw on engine. close window.
3:20 p.m.- 4:45 p.m.: doze off while waiting to hear those magic words- “the use of approved electronic devices is now permitted.”
4:45 p.m.: wake up to sweet sounds of beverage cart. pop in ready, sex, go by the marvelous 3 as a tribute to atlanta. resolve to purchase frame for poster signed by butch walker at their farewell concert 4 ½ years ago.
4:46 p.m.: realize that, yes, it has been that long.
5:00 p.m.- 7:00 p.m. contemplate finishing holiday letter. decide to work on evening’s blog entry instead while sibling watches mona lisa smile. (i would’ve watched it, too, except i’m not in the mood for anything even remotely serious. besides, i really like this cd.)
5:51 p.m.: reopen window. screw still loose, but at least it’s still there.
6:45 p.m.: notice grumpy guy is wearing viagra hat. suddenly, it’s all so clear. i’d be grumpy if i had to wear a viagra hat in public, too.
7:20 p.m.: land at denver airport. think of half of a great analogy: “ a fart in a train car.”
7:21-7:32 p.m.: try to think of other half of brilliant analogy. get distracted by sight of favorite billboards in airport.
7:32-7:45 p.m. slowly make way to baggage claim after meeting up with rest of family. ignore laughter while stopping to photograph those billboards, various gnomes with several of airport’s fine features.
8:00 p.m.: while waiting for aunt to retrieve rental car, fire up computer in the hopes that there will be some sort of wi-fi access at denver airport.
8:05 p.m.: no wi-fi? dammit. guess this’ll be a late post.......

have i ever told you.... i simply cannot stand automated menus?

okay, i have to finish packing now so i can be only slightly late to my plane.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

strike that off the list...

so far this morning, i've managed to update random photos, as well as get some of bodhi's new photos resized. before i go any further with that, i really should kick off the latest edition of sentence saturday. (if you're new, follow that last link.)

the first word this week is jakeldrorf.

scroll through the comments to find your word, and please don't forget to leave a new word for the next participant.

...but girls don't really poop, do they?

you know how sometimes you're in a public bathroom, doing something particularly unladylike, and someone else walks in, and suddenly, you panic? i mean, there you were, minding your own business, suffering through the zesty cuisine you had the evening before (i mean really- it didn't smell like that the night before.), and suddenly there's a witness to your dastardly deeds. suddenly, you're faced with a terrible dilemma- something i like to call "the clash complex"- as in, "should i stay, or should i go?"

do you make a run for it while the other person is attending to matters of their own, or do you just sit there until you hear them wash their hands (one hopes) and leave?

for once, dear readers, it was the other person who was hiding...not i.

Friday, December 02, 2005

uh oh.

it's happened.

the first holiday card arrived in the mail today.

guess that means i'd better get crackin' on this holiday letter of mine.....

....after i update random photos and scribble on about 80 avon catalogs while at work tomorrow, of course.

i will be so happy when this pace slows down a bit......

Thursday, December 01, 2005

deep thoughts

a few random thoughts i've had recently:

~are there strip clubs at nudist colonies?
~why have the various hits (and cover songs)of l.a. guns been running through my head for the past two hours?
~whatever happened to digital underground?
~are zebras color blind?
~what do i want for christmas? (just in case i'm asked)