Tuesday, May 31, 2005

everybody's working for the weekend....

it's been a long day, and i'm tired. since i freely admit this post may not be my best work, i'll understand if you scroll down and read a previous post instead.

still there?

summer camp starts tomorrow, so my day was spent at school. my assistant and i cleaned mysterious crud off the walls, scrubbed dried paint and other substances off the chairs, and swapped out zoo animal decorations for dinosaurs. by the time we were chased out of the building at 5:00, we still had a fair bit to do, which is why i'm planning on going in at 7 a.m. to accomplish a bit more before the two year olds begin to appear.

after work, i spent a couple of hours at a friend's house, helping her set up her email. (long story- don't ask.) upon returning home and discovering that my makeup shipment still had not arrived, i called my part time employer and discovered that, despite being assured previously that a replacement shipment would be on its way to me last night, it would not actually be shipped until thursday, and would therefore arrive next wednesday.....a week and a half late. (wednesday, by the way, is when the new order goes in.) the customer service rep on the other end of the phone line offered a weak apology "for any inconvenience this may cause you", but quite frankly, i'd prefer:

1. an emailed apology to each of my customers admitting that the company screwed up, not me. (to be composed by the customer service rep, of course.)

2. my shipment to be delivered, pronto

aaaaarrrrggghhh. if i had pms right now, someone would be in really big trouble.

i feel much better getting that off my chest.

(by the way, i'm typing this on my old-school, pre-pentium (i'm pretty sure) windows 95-equipped computer, so if the little codes i put in to make some words bold didn't work, you'll just have to forgive me.)

for some reason, an old loverboy tune about everybody working for the weekend has been running through my head for the past two days. i do not know how it came up on my mental jukebox, but i really wish it would stop.

and on that note (actually, i'm sure it's 30+, with the guitar part after the first line of the chorus), i need to reply to a comment or two and head for bed.

i'll try to be a little more entertaining tomorrow- a couple of cherry cokes should do the trick.

Monday, May 30, 2005

what the......?

as i mentioned before, i'm working at the radio station on my day off from school. one of the perks of working at the station is that there's always at least one newspaper lying around for my convenience.

so, i set down my bag (weighed down with more magazines for my uncluttering effort), hooked up the headphones, popped in my tape, and opened up the latest edition of the state.

now, i'd heard rumors before about this, but i'm afraid inxs may have gone off the deep end. (actually, i'm tempted to say "sold out".)

it seems my favorite band in the whole wide world (since the tender age of 8, when i first heard "need you tonight") has decided that, nearly eight years after michael hutchence's death, they need to find a permanent lead singer.

terence trent d'arby didn't work out, which is a pity- that could have been interesting. (somewhere in all this, he decided to change his name.) jimmy barnes (who joined inxs on a tune for the soundrack to the lost boys, "good times", in 1987) didn't work out. even jon stevens (who was declared a permanent replacement.....then left a year later) only hung in there for one single.

what's a band to do?

obviously, the only option is to join the three-ring circus that is reality television.

when i first heard the rumors about this, i thought the show would be some spawn of american idol. (no link- i can't stand american idol- even when celebrities i like are guest judges.)

i was close- i think.

the premiere of "rock star:inxs" will light up tv screens around the nation on monday, 11 july. (i'm mildly curious, but i doubt i'll watch it.) the show will be hosted by dave navarro (of jane's addiction and red hot chili peppers fame- and the guy who gets to see carmen electra naked any time he wishes) and brooke burke (who i believe is involved with/married to someone famous, but quite frankly, i don't care enough to look it up). it will begin with fifteen contestants, and each week one of them will be eliminated after some sort of "performance competition".

but wait- there's more!

not only will the contestants perform onstage on a weekly basis a la american idol, but they will also live together in a hollywood hills home! (hmmm......where have we seen this before? real world? big brother? surreal life? why not stick them all on an island and have the judges (the other 5 members of inxs, i assume) float in on a cruise ship and dock on the island for the weekly performances? i can see the "challenges" now:

~get helena christensen to look in your direction
~write a hit song about kylie minogue
~take up with bob geldof's wife (oh, wait a minute.......)

(quite frankly, i'll never understand how that last one happened anyway. i mean, she was more than a little odd.......)

even better- mark burnett plans on milking this for all it is worth- which apparently is three episodes a week.


in other inxs news, it seems michael's daughter, who is now eight years old, is recording a rap single and has plans to release an album. so- will she go by her full name- heavenly hiraani tiger lily- or will she stick with her daddy's nickname for her? (as i recall, he called her "tiger".)

ok- on with my shift.

calls from overzealous "fan" so far today: one
number of strange jokes told during phone call: one

Sunday, May 29, 2005

why bask in the sunshine when i can freeze my butt off in a 70 degree studio?

i'd much rather be inside this windowless building all day than outdoors enjoying the 87-degree sunshine.

perhaps if i say it enough, i will start to believe it.

i'm trying to make the best of being indoors all weekend- my rollerblades are in the car. (well, i didn't seriously injure myself on them last weekend, so i figure i shouldn't take another crack at it.) i also have a jump rope in my backpack, and if the treadmills at our weight room weren't broken, i may seriously have considered bringin one to work. (fitting it in my car would have been difficult, but it's the thought that counts, right?) of course, since i have all these great fitness plans (rolling chair races in the hallway, anyone?), i am sporting the bouncy adidas.

surprisingly, my biggest fan has only called once so far today. (then again, i have only been on the air for less than two hours, so i'm sure i will hear from him again. repeatedly.) i asked folks to go to our website and take my summer vacation poll, and my listener felt compelled to call me immediately and let me know his itinerary for the next twenty four hours. unfortunately, i had to decline his invitation to a barbecue with veterans.......i have to work.

make that two calls. during my last break, i said something about needing to figure out how to get a treadmill out of my car, so i guess my fan immediately set about coming up with a solution for me. i didn't quite catch the whole plan, but for some reason, there was a heat lamp involved.

perhaps i should stay inside all day, lest he swing by and offer his assistance in person.

speaking of staying inside, i didn't have a chance to take photos at the asylum yesterday. i wound up working until around 5:00, and when i got home, instead of picking up my cameras and heading back downtown, i picked up my pajamas and a magazine (my uncluttering project continues!) and fell asleep reading.

after a two-hour nap, i groggily agreed to go out for mexican food. (not that it's ever hard to talk me into going out for tacos....and chips and salsa.....and guacamole.....why am i hungry all of a sudden?) after dinner, there was no movie (i was a sleepy, cheap date), just more sleep.

as a result, i'm relaxed, refreshed, and having a pretty good shift. (of course, all the bigwigs were potentially listening yesterday, when i pretty much sucked, but that's the way my timing generally works.)
how about a quick peek at what my fellow bloggers have been up to lately?
~kal is rattling off obscure jethro tull trivia while lounging around indoors instead of going out and mowing the lawn.
~larry is mourning the loss of 16 armadillos and celebating the finalization of his divorce.
~digitalicat is contemplating revamping his blog.
~citrus is still in self-imposed exile. (though he's still checking in with other blogs, including this one, according to my counter.)
~sojourning crow is spending the weekend playing with flame throwers, while nj is undoubtedly working on his car.
~meanwhile, kristi is preparing for two huge life changes- bone marrow donation and starting a new job.
~free-writer is featuring a highly entertaining guest post today from mixed moss.
~finally, it seems my little sister, after showing concern that i was becoming addicted to blogging, has started a blog of her own. (it seems that, as we've aged, she has taken on the role of "serious sibling", which allows me to continue to be the fun, frivolous one. woo-hoo!)

speaking of fun and frivolity, i suppose i should abandon this and get back to "serious" work. (reading the paper, telling folks that lollapalooza has been resurrected, googling myself, reading rolling stone, practicing my awesome jump rope skills, et cetera.......)

Saturday, May 28, 2005

trying to keep my eyes open


excuse me. the alarm went off way too early this morning, and i'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. you know those cartoons where people (or animals) would resort to propping their eyelids open with toothpicks? that's about where i am right now.

if i keep this up, my saturday night will be spent curled up in bed, unconscious.

don't you wish you were cool like me?

(you can stop laughing now.)

i've been flipping through other people's blogs this morning....looking to see what's out there. so far, i've passed on the opportunity to buy various lawnmowers from ebay- three times, i've backtracked out of five anime-laden asian schoolgirl blogs (complete with those annoying "click here" popups), and i've actually stopped to read five or six blogs that looked interesting.

this looked promising.

i found some really cool photos here. (perhaps over the weekend i'll manage to get some more of my photos put up....don't sit by your computer waiting for it to happen, though.)

this one was just a little too odd. (digitalicat-if you're reading this, do not use this one as a model for your revamped blog, okay?)

in an attempt to wake up, i just wandered across the building and bought a refreshing cherry coke, which is currently cooling off my chest, as when i took my first sip, somehow i spilled all over my shirt. fabulous- guess i won't be going to any black-tie events without a costume change. (then again, i am in jeans and a couple of tank tops this morning, so i suppose that a change in clothing would be unavoidable if i were going someplace fancy- which i am not. )

it could be worse- last time i visited that machine, it ate my dollar and refused to give me any sort of liquid refreshment. perhaps the kick i delivered on that occassion motivated it to cooperate this time.

ugh- just clicked on a blog with all of those irritating "you MUST upgrade your internet explorer now" popups. the last thing i want is a computer giving me orders, so i closed all fifteen windows that popped up. so much for flipping through other blogs. (well, until i get bored later and give in to curiousity again, of course.)

i meant to bring my camera to work this morning. the lunatic asylum downtown is about to undergo all sorts of development and renovation (keeping five or six of the older buildings and tearing down the rest to make room for apartments, condos, and a few businesses), and i'd like to get some black and white photos of the grounds before the digging commences. perhaps if i have time to run home and grab the camera, i'll snap a few photos after my wnok shift this afternoon and then post them (well, just the digital ones) this evening.

speaking of photos, i'm sure the kind folks at target are about ready to sell my latest batch of pictures to the highest bidder by now. i really should swing by there and rescue them....perhaps on the way to see "madagascar" at some point this weekend. (the thought of psychotic cartoon penguins in action intrigues me.)

which reminds me.....

you are 20 years old


under 12: you are a kid at heart. you still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: you are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: you are a twentysomething at heart. you feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: you are a thirtysomething at heart. you've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: you are a mature adult. you've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. now you get to sit back and relax.

damn- i thought i'd score younger than that. perhaps next time i should pick "spongebob squarepants".

here's something else i couldn't seem to resist.....

your political profile

overall: 20% conservative, 80% liberal

social issues: 25% conservative, 75% liberal

personal responsibility: 25% conservative, 75% liberal

fiscal issues: 25% conservative, 75% liberal

ethics: 0% conservative, 100% liberal

defense and crime: 25% conservative, 75% liberal

oh- and i just retook the stupid test. (there were a couple of graphics i couldn't view at home, so i'd picked random answers the last time i took it.)

okay- time to start prepping for today's shift. i need random trivia, music news, and a few links for my webpage would be good. better get cracking.........

Friday, May 27, 2005

fish in shallow water

it'll be a quickie tonight, as i have to be at work at an obscene hour tomorrow- maybe i can make it up to you later......

i'm bushed. the last week of school is always a long one, and the kids spent the week bouncing off the walls. too bad we don't get summers off- but at least i won't be stuck in a cubicle like most folks these days.

so, three days off, one day to prepare for summer camp, and then it's a pleasant mix of art, field trips, and outdoor play (featuring the elmo sprinkler, of course) for ten weeks before breaking in a new crop of two year olds.

i will be on the air each of the three days i'm off from school, which thrills me no end. lots of time to practice and perfect my whole radio....thing. rumor has it there will be some pretty big fish listening over the weekend......but no pressure at all- of course. (as long as they don't call in, i'll be fine.)

otherwise, i'm toast. i just don't do well in front of people. i get through my air shifts by fooling myself into thinking no one is listening. if i had to do what i do in front of even one person i don't know, i fear i might have flashbacks to high school speech class, freeze up completely, and come off like the bumbling idiot i (maybe not so-) secretly am.

this could be a problem when i'm rich and famous, but i'll cross that bridge when i find it....another day to make my stand....sorry- had a duran duran moment there for a second.

i actually went out briefly and socialized with some of my coworkers at a pool party i wasn't going to attend, but a good friend was celebrating her birthday and talked me into going. i'm still not up to spending hours on end with coworkers outside of work, but half an hour (after this evening's babysitting gig) was okay.

on that note, i need to abandon this, wrap up a package to send to my dad (one of my gnomads, bodhi, will be accompanying him to his high school reunion in lingle, wyoming in mid-june), and crawl into bed.

come here often?

i should be in bed. i know this. before i last went to bed (at 3 a.m.), i said to myself,"tonight, i will go to bed early and catch up on all the sleep i missed this week."

i got home before 9, piddled away nearly four hours (blogging, flipping through other blogs, teasing larry, shopping for underwear in my underwear (not really- just marked selected pages and put it in a not-to-be-missed place (on top of the remotes) as a gentle suggestion)) and while i had every intent of going to sleep, somehow the munchies mix (original, with doritoes) started calling my name. i tried eating them in bed, but i wound up with pointy little dorito fragments poking my belly button, so then i figured i'd hop on here and just check my email for a minute and then maybe look to see if anything new has popped up since i last made the round of blogs two hours ago and well- maybe just a quick post......

i'm bordering on pathetic, and i know it.

for some reason, i want to know how badly larry has beaten his car stereo in an attempt to get bono to stop speaking in tongues.

i will not sleep without knowing whether kal is still an insect, or if he's regained his "mollusk" status.

i need to know if nj has finished working on his car yet, so he can resume running over clowns at high speed.

have jo-anne's platonic male friends quit hitting on her yet?

and has citrus started posting again, or is he still in self-imposed exile?

which reminds me- if you witnessed any of his last few posts....well, you know. i think i figured out part of the problem: when you become attached to a blog enough to check in regularly, you tend to feel as if you're getting to know the blogger, simply by reading the words in their blog. (i get that way, anyway.) for me, it was a little unsettling to discover my first comment from someone i barely knew. i mean, here i was, writing all sorts of things- whatever i happened to be thinking about at the time- and suddenly it was as if someone had walked into the room and started reading over my shoulder. while it was a little odd, it didn't change the way i handle my blog- i still write whatever i happen to be thinking about at the time- and none of it is fiction.

the problem with citrus' last days was that i think many folks (more than would care to admit it) read his stories as nonfiction (i sure did- fell for most of his anecdotes hook, line, and sinker), and then when his attempt to flee to canada took some odd twists, people were left feeling confused, and then maybe like their......trust.....had been taken advantage of. sort of an "i was honest with you, but i feel like you hid behind your "mask", and i still don't know anything about the "real" you" sort of thing. (sorry- having a terrible time with wording, but hopefully the main thought is coming across. if not, well, it won't be the first time i've gotten people lost in my mind.)

anyway, i suppose where i'm going with all this is to say, "thanks."

thanks for letting me peek inside your world and for caring enough to peek into mine.....even if all i'm doing is rambling about nothing of consequence.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

all sorts of name dropping

look below- i'm on freakishly early tonight! *pauses for applause*

things i could do with the spare time:

*get my butt on the treadmill (excuse to wear bouncy adidas!)
*clean my apartment (uh....no.)
*search for more lego videos i won't be able to watch on this computer anyway.
*shop for new underthings in the five most recent catalogs lurking on the back of the couch.
*create a new list of musicians' real names

hmmmm...i think we have a winner.

first, the answers from the last round of competition:

bob alan deal :: mick mars (motley crue)
david jones (not the monkee) :: david bowie
paul hewson :: bono
stuart goddard:: adam ant
george o'dowd :: boy george
vincent furnier :: alice cooper (remind me to tell you the story.......)
declan mcmanus :: elvis costello
david evans :: the edge (you know, one of those other guys in u2)
susan ballion:: siouxsie sioux (siouxsie and the banshees)
frederick farookh bulsara :: freddie mercury

and now, the latest batch:

patricia andrzejewski ::
marvin lee adair ::
georgios panayiotou ::
edward mahoney ::
annie mae bullock ::
gordon sumner ::
reginald dwight ::
michael balzary ::
frank ferrana ::
michael mckagan ::

hopefully, that'll entertain you for a minute or two.

no? try this....
....and this.....
....and this.....
.....and this is the last one.

that last one reminds me of something i saw while driving home this evening. i was out and about, running a few errands after work, and i passed a lady who was walking her dog. well, actually, she was doing all the walking. there she was, in a little workout outfit she must've tried on in front of one of those ultra-slimming funhouse mirrors, carrying her freaking dog! i know i've said it before, and i'm sure i'll say it again, but what on earth is the point of getting a dog and carrying it all over the place? i mean, it has four legs, and when you're not around, it probably uses them. maybe the dog moved too quickly for her......

perhaps this current celebrity obsession with accessorizing with "man's best friend" has taken over. in my opinion, it's going a little too far. what's next? accessorizing with fred durst? somehow, i think i'll pass........

i used to go all night....then i got old

it's way past my bedtime. i remember when i could stay up until 5 in the morning, and then roll out of bed at 8 and be fine. now, if i'm not in the sack by midnight, i spend the next morning lurching around like an extra from "thriller".

(hope that link works for you, because it sure as hell wouldn't for me.)

anyway, after spending far more time on makeup than even tammy faye bakker in her prime, i'm finally getting around to my blog. (note: i was not applying makeup for 3 hours- merely ordering it on the behalf of my devoted avon customers. very little of it was for me, i swear.)

a few ideas came to me today. first, i was inspired by all the graduations taking place. i had this bright idea to dig up all of my graduation pictures (fifth grade, high school, and college), scan them in, and we could discuss my spirited haircolors. perhaps the scanner will feel like cooperating tomorrow.

other people's body hair, drivers who can't seem to understand that the passing lane is so called because when you're in it, you're supposed to be passing someone, and observations on relationships (not mine- it stays out of the blog) all seemed like worthy topics today, but i think i'll take a different route......and how do you pronounce r-o-u-t-e, anyway?

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English
15% Yankee
10% Dixie
5% Upper Midwestern
0% Midwestern

my score varies slightly each time i take the test, because there are a few words i pronounce various ways. i blame my mixed upbringing- 10 years on the east coast, 8 in the midwest, and my first four years were spent in wyoming and colorado. who were responsible for all the moves? my parents. therefore, once again, i can blame something on them. (not you, of course, mama.) anyway, the other breakdown i keep getting is 75% general american english, 15% dixie, and 10% yankee. i can trace it to pronouncing "route" both ways, as well as using both "diagonal" and "catacorner" (which i assume is what the scientific minds behind this test were aiming for with "cattycorner". )

while i'm thinking about it, what do you call a carbonated beverage? soda? pop? sodapop? coke? think about it, and then check this out. a discussion on that topic came out over dinner this evening. (for the record, it's "soda", despite what my hosts have been let to believe.)

whatever you want to call them, i believe i will need one of the caffienated cherry variety when i head off to work in a few hours.

oh- before i forget- would anyone else like to take a crack at the real names of various musicians? i'll post the answers thursday evening, as well as come up with a new list, if anyone's interested.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

but am i a stupid loser?

i'm afraid i don't have any witty anecdotes to share this evening, and i have a limited amount of time to post, so i suppose this is going to be one of those "entertaining-only-because-it-is-chock-full-of-links" entries. hope it isn't too much of a letdown.

as we've seen before, i scored alarmingly high on the loser test. however, i feel the need to find out if i'm a "stupid loser", or just a regular garden variety loser. please hold on while i take the official "are you stupid?" test.......

The Stupid Quiz said I am "Totally Smart!" How stupid are you? Click here to find out!

somehow i just don't feel like finding out if i'm normal this evening- but if you're curious, be my guest. (besides, i'm quite sure i'm not normal.....but still cute, dammit.)

and on that note, it's time to rescue dinner from the oven and settle down in front of some tv. (i have yet to decide whether tonight's selection will be the a-team, alf, or perhaps star wars, episode 4.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

look out!

i had no idea i was so out of shape.

after finishing some paperwork for school, i decided to reward myself by whipping out the rollerblades and skating around the building.

i don't know that i'm still considering it a reward.

when you see folks rollerblading on t.v. or in the movies, they move with a speed and agility unattainable by yours truly.

t.v./movie skaters=graceful
me on skates=everything but

it's not for lack of trying. i attempt the long, fluid strokes, but i have short legs, so i wind up looking more like that "rollerblade barbie" that dave barry so famously used to set a pair of underpants on fire. (minus the fire part- so far.) i'm pretty sure i'm advancing two inches with each push-off. instead of feeling graceful and athletic, i feel like bambi learning to walk on ice.

however, at least i haven't managed to crash headfirst into anything yet, so i guess i should abandon this and do a few more laps.

i've had my rollerblades for years- since high school. many years before that, i had roller skates- the very old school kind. money certainly didn't grow on trees at our house, so my parents bought us those adjustable metal skates that we'd buckle onto our shoes. we used to skate around our basement on them- making little metallic clicking noises on the tile floor as we went. several years later, the skates were pressed into service for an olympics of the mind (renamed "odyssey of the mind" after the folks behind the olympics got cranky about the name) competition. it was for a good cause- our performance of "mind reader and side-kick" (featuring yours truly in a rainbow brite costume- don't ask) did pretty well in competition, and i don't think we could have done it without our wheeled transportation.

the baltimore county department of parks and recreation held "skate night" every wednesday night at woodlawn elementary school, which had been abandoned just prior to our move to woodlawn. the school was just down the hill from our house, so it was pretty convenient for me to be dropped off before skating and picked up afterwards. for a buck or two, you could rent the standard brown skates and glide (or stomp or slide) around the school gym for a couple of hours while a parent played "we built this city" and other contemporary tunes and, of course, "the limbo rock". i was no limbo master, but occasionally i'd win the free pass for the following wednesday, and once i advanced to some sort of regional tournament. (i sincerely hope the purple t shirt from that event- in 1986, i believe- still lurks around one of my parents' houses somewhere.) still, it was hard not to marvel at some of the girls- they'd find a way to pass under the pole when it was no more than a foot off the ground- usually with some sort of split involved.

i stopped going to skate night for some reason. as i recall, i started getting bullied by some of the big kids. if i remember right, there were a couple of older boys who would horseplay and trip other skaters, but i don't know that any of the adults ever saw it. all i remember is that i wasn't allowed to go anymore.
those were the days.

fast forward to high school. heather became my best friend about halfway through our tenure at park hill. our houses were maybe a couple of miles apart, and sometimes we'd bike from one house to the other. when heather got her license, she'd drive over to visit, and sometimes she'd bring over her purple rollerblades. (well, they weren't actually the rollerblade brand, but i call all inline skates "rollerblades". anyway, you get the idea.) sometimes she's skate while i rode my bike. sometimes i'd skate while she'd ride a bike. sometimes (this was my favorite part), we'd each have one skate- though that never lasted long, because skating on one rollerblade is just odd.

as soon as i had enough money together, i got my own set of rollerblades. (thank goodness i can wear kids' sizes- that ability saved me a nice chunk of change.) heather would come over, and we'd rollerblade probably about halfway from my house to hers, and then back. usually we stayed in the middle of the road (i don't claim to always set the best example, but we were young and invincible.....and the sidewalks were a bit rough sometimes.), though we occasionally wound up on the sidewalk- or flying headfirst onto someone's lawn. when we went off to college (northwest missouri state for me, mu for her), our rollerblading habits (well, mine at least) tapered off a bit. occasionally one of us would visit the other, and if we had our skates with us, we'd haul them out and get a little exercise.

my rollerblades were one (two, technically) of the first things i packed into my car when i moved to south carolina after college. i get them out on occasion- but not nearly as often as i used to. the wheels could probably use at least a rotation, if not an outright replacement, but i haven't crashed into anything major yet because of them, so i think they can go a little bit longer.

speaking of crashing, that's exactly what i plan on doing as soon as i get home in about 45 minutes. goodnight.

identity crisis

since kal figured out my previous musical trivia questions, i suppose i should make up a new list for my five readers to tackle.

who am i?
below i've listed the "real" names of several personages of musical significance. your task: track down their alter egos. (i'll even do the first one for you- just because i'm nice like that.)

william broad :: billy idol
bob alan deal ::
david jones (not the monkee) ::
paul hewson ::
stuart goddard::
george o'dowd ::
vincent furnier ::
declan mcmanus ::
david evans ::
susan ballion::
frederick farookh bulsara ::

happy hunting! (perhaps i'll be back later with a real post. hopefully, this'll keep you busy until then.)

Saturday, May 21, 2005

pityin' fools who don't celebrate mr. t's birthday

after i finished last night's post, i started browsing through random quizzes, and one in particular caught my eye. it was musical, its roots are celebrity in nature (or something like that), and i am pleased to report i am....

Which David Bowie are you?

i was going to segue smoothly from the above link ( a david bowie test that does not seem to be working this morning, but i'm stubborn and feel the need to leave it up anyway) to a charming story about watching the labyrinth far too many times for my own good during my impressionable youth.

then i opened today's paper.
it seems another important figure from my youth (one who also wore tight pants, actually) is celebrating his 53rd birthday today.
i kid you not- mr. t is really fifty three.
inspired by this news, i googled mr.t. i'm still plowing my way through 10+ pages of links, but here are a few of the best:
• a few basic facts.
• where was this for mother's day? i haven't been able to watch it all the way through yet- mostly because i'm too busy trying to locate the phone number for the fashion police. (what is the statute of limitations on wearing a truly heinous outfit, anyway?)
• for more from the mr. t video, click here.
• not only is mr. t a fine actor, wrestler, and rapper, but here he is, teaching others the joy of meteorology.
• ever wonder what your mr. t name is?
• is that mr. t in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? (i will have to pass on the mr. t soap on a rope, though.
• mr. t takes on technology. (here's something else for the techies.)
• mr. t is a zen master and haiku devotee.
• i had no idea the simpsons were such fans.
• while i never ate the cereal, i'm proud to admit i spent many saturday mornings in front of the show. (would you like some milk with that?)
• .....and i thought i had too much free time. this guy has me beat......
• speaking of beatings, mr. t takes on puff daddy here.
words of wisdom from mr. t.
• did you know mr. t can also list "price is right contestant" on his resume?
• mr. t takes on heavy metal (twice!), and a fiesty, evil little man.
• i think i took a wrong turn somewhere. where's the large black man with the mohawk?
• it shouldn't surprise you to know that mr. t is politically aware. (maybe i should've written him in in the last election.)
• so- what has mr. t been up to lately?
• need more mr. t links? (believe me- there's more where all that came from. in fact, i only got to
page 8 of suggestions from google.)
perhaps i'll continue the celebration later- i'm only on season two, disc one, side b of "the a team", so perhaps i can watch an episode or two in mr. t's honor. right now, however, it's time for some serious work. really. well- maybe in another 5 minutes or so...

mr t duckie

(of course i own one- it was deemed "the perfect gift" last year- combining my love of rubber duckies and the a team. the notion that someone actually thought of this combination worries me a little, though.)

Friday, May 20, 2005

looking for a good time?

grown men are driving in circles- in trucks, no less!- and i am too busy playing on the computer to actually take care of any of the little "projects" i brought with me to work this evening.

ah well, there's always the early shift tomorrow.

i've checked out other blogs. i've spent large amounts of time wondering why anyone would sit by their radio for multiple hours listening to grown men driving around in circles. i've checked my email twelve times. i've checked my counter thirteen times. i've looked at some very brief film reviews. i've stared at my computer screen, mesmerized by lizards. i've caught up on the latest news. i've reminded myself to call heather and wish her a happy belated birthday (oh- and by the way, i'm not going to make it to kansas city this weekend.) about five times. i've gotten sidetracked five times before i made it to my address book to find her number. i've played this game more times than i care to admit. oh- and i'm planning on updating my website before the checkered...or red.....or rainbow- shit- i can't remember- whichever flag it is that signals the end of the race- is flown, dropped, dragged, or simply waved.

accomplishing so much.....yet so little.

that old song, "move out" just popped into my head. i have no idea why. i also have no idea who sang it. please hold while i look it up...

hmmm...not in my favorite musical reference book. therefore, i must do the logical thing.

i must google it. nothing.

i want to say information society did it- but for some reason, i don't think that's quite right.

stuff like this bothers me. if i can't come up with a song's artist and title, i become preoccupied with it. it's an odd quirk, i know- but if you've gotten used to my other ones, i'm sure you'll get over this one, too.

i've been feeling a bit musical this evening- ever since i stopped here. after answering a few musical questions, i'm in the mood for.......musical trivia. care to play along?

1. there was a video in the mid 80s that featured attractive young men jumping out of a black and white comic book, and a woman walking into the book....but in the end was it all a dream? name the band and tune.

2. i found this link for my webpage earlier this evening. it gives me "thriller" flashbacks. speaking of "thriller", whose voice is heard rapping at the end of the song?

3. the actor in question #2 appeared on an episode of the muppet show in the late 1970's. i've been waiting for the episode to be released on dvd, where it will accompany an episode featuring this musician, revered in "wayne's world".

**speaking of muppets, look what i just found. i'm gonzo- how about you?
**but wait- here's another one

you are rizzo the rat.
you have few friends, but are loyal to those you do
have. maybe if you didn't smell like sewage
you would have more.

rodentia digesta lotta grub
brooklyn, usa
favorite movie:
"rat on a hot tin roof"
favorite song:
"the pest is yet to come"
favorite food:
you got it, i'll eat it.
see "favorite food".
"when do we eat?"

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

(i'm officially sidetracked now, so the quiz will only be three questions. if i actually get any responses to it, perhaps i'll create a newer/improved version next week. )
scrolling down google's results for "which muppet are you?", i found various blogs with various results, and then, about halfway down the page, there was this little treasure. i could busy all weekend, taking one trivial internet quiz after another, in an effort to label myself as many different ways as possible.
screw my projects.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

no, sirree- not procrastinating at all

i've been surfing the web this evening instead of taking care of the long list of things i should be doing. ah, well- a little procrastination every now and then never hurt anyone (much).

let's see.....my first stop was at citrus' blog, which just keeps getting odder and odder. i finally figured out what was going on last night (post-star wars), but up to that point, i was a combination of worried and confused. that citrus- he loves to mess with your head.

i checked in with larry, who has been looking for love in all the wrong places (and perhaps found a few things he wasn't looking for).

nj hasn't added anything new in the last couple of days, so i've been catching up on old posts, figuring they'll tide me over until he sits down in front of the computer again.

i had a long list of other blogs that caught my eye a while back, but i have no idea where i put the calendar page i'd scribbled them on. oops.

oh- i've come back to this one a few times, and this time i wound up taking a loser test.

I am 66% loser. What about you? Click here to find out!

somehow, i thought i'd score higher. i guess i'm not that bad off, after all.

finally, i visited one non-blog-related site this evening. a dollar bill stamped with "see where i've been, track where i go next! www.wheresgeorge.com" came into my possession the other day, and curiousity got the best of me.

speaking of roaming items, have you checked out my gnomads yet? no? perhaps i should put links to their pages up...after i finish putting on the pictures from- uh- two months ago. (i'm just a little behind, as usual.)

sorry there's nothing witty or entertaining this evening. perhaps i'll be back in peak writing form after i take care of my sleep deficit.....and, uh, after i finish the laundry, lesson plans, friday letter, dishes, and vacuuming.

or maybe not.

get your lightsaber away from me, buddy!

the theater i just left must have had a male to female ratio of at least 10:1. had i gone by myself, one of the uberfans (in costume, no less) may have asked me to reach his "lightsaber" for him. that scares me more than a little.

and i'm going to be hurting when the alarm goes off in four hours.

but it was worth it.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

disappointment....and small, green, wise men

basking on the beach......hiking on volcanos.....practicing my hula dancing......

it's not happening anytime soon.

so much for spending half my summer nannying in hawaii. damn.

i'm still going to look into that imaginary girlfriend thing, though.

on the bright side, perhaps i can manage a road trip up to see mama this summer- and take advantage of maine's "lobster roll extra value meal" (i shit you not!)- multiple times. we're looking at day trips to vermont and prince edward island, too.

and i won't have to take a month and a half off from the radio station- which means i'll have more time to hone my skills in the hopes of becoming good enough to earns a full-time slot at some point.

and i can work on building my avon empire....not that i was going to turn down hawaii to work on it, but it is a relief not to have to ask anyone else to take on the responsibility.

i left work early to visit the dentist today. i got a lecture about not brushing the 3 or 4 times a day i'm supposed to (my braces are starting to get a little high-maintainence) and a small lecture on taking my premeds before each visit (couldn't locate the prescription for the refill), but at least i escaped the usual words about flossing- not because i started flossing, mind you, but instead i'm crediting it to the pain in the ass flossing with braces seems to be. sure, i have the little plastic needle i'm supposed to use to thread the floss through my braces.....i also have my morning routine down to fifteen minutes- and would like to keep it that way.

so, i should be in the clear for at least 4 months.

in other news, it seems i will be attending a movie well past my bedtime this evening. my devious master plan was to come home from my dinner elsewhere, sit on my butt and rewatch star wars: attack of the cloones, and then head across town to this evening's premiere of the final film in the series.

that was the plan.

then i got home later than expected, and as soon as i walked in the door, i had to call- who else?- mama, so i could break it to her that i would be spending my summer here, instead of in the pacific. then, i had to check my email and figure out how i missed an order (pre vacation rush, i think), and then i had to check citrus' blog, on the off chance he'd written anything new (he had), and i can't blog and watch a movie at the same time- and i don't really have enough time anyway.

so, i will watch the movie once tonight, and maybe again when it hits the el cheapo teatro. (don't resist the urge to correct my spanish, mama.)

in preparation for the big show, we went out looking for darth tater last night....and came up empty. from what i understand, there's a toys 'r' us somewhere in the state with 5 of the little buggers.....but i'm not quite dedicated enough to the cause to drive a couple of hours for a plastic spud. let darth come to me, dammit!

so, instead i came home with a small yoda. (i like him better anyway.)

which brings to mind a debate we had back in high school.

the summer before my senior year, i realized i needed one more math credit to graduate. i'd already taken algebra II and geometry, so my options boiled down to the hard stuff- trig, calculus, and word problems involving trains speeding toward each other. none of these options sounded good.

then i found a loophole.

i'd taken regular algebra in middle school, so it didn't appear on my high school transcript. so, rather than challenging myself and taking something really hard (which would've landed me in summer school for math- again), i took algebra I, which i coasted through. (i'd already given in to my inner underachiever, so it wasn't really a difficult decision.)

i don't recall too many specifics about the class- i had a terrible crush on the teacher (who also happened to be the advisor for key club, which i joined, but never actually participated in, aside from coming to the meetings) who let me write limericks on the board (that's when i learned "bastard" was a cuss word- i had no idea. i still don't think it should count.), and i sat toward the back of the room with my younger friends james (now somewhere in the middle east) and emily (now somewhere in kansas city).

during class one day, a very important debate was born.

was yoda green, or brown?

i tried to convince my younger peers that yoda was, in fact, green, but they would not hear of it. the debate went on for days, and i don't think it was ever officially resolved, but that was okay. it gave us something to talk about instead of doing our group work.

besides, i was right, which i knew all along.

(i'd email emily and tell her to correct me if i'm wrong on all this, but the computer doesn't seem to want to cooperate- i can't get into my hotmail to look up her email address, and friendster won't let me login to send her a message for some reason. i blame windows xp- which i will never allow to soil my computer.)

anyway, enough webrage. i have a movie to get ready for.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

i thought onions made you cry....

....not lemons.

a day after going back to blonde, citrus' page was wiped clean this morning.

he will be missed.

good luck up north, darling.

Monday, May 16, 2005

procrastination and hiking- my two favorite things

i should be on the treadmill right now, but that would most likely involve watching someone else's choice of television programs, and i'd have to change clothes, pick a cd to listen to, find a clean water bottle, et cetera. in short, way too much effort would be involved.

i should probably move the petrified laundry from the washer to the dryer, but that would mean the double load of laundry in the dryer would have to be put away first.

i should be scribbling my information on the avon catalogs piled on the back of the couch, so i can get the heap of deliveries out of my living room tomorrow, but i'd envisioned taking care of that task while sitting in front of the evening news, which didn't happen because i couldn't figure out which combination of remotes needed to be fondled in order to view plain ol' network television.

yep, i live with a guy.

forget "men are from mars, women are from venus" and all of its sequels. i can break down the difference between men and women without making you suffer through 500 pages.

most women, when hooking up a home entertainment center, will connect a dvd player and/or a vcr to the tv. either a cable connection or antenna (if needed) may also be used, but not both. oh, and the tv will probably be somewhere between a 20 inch model and a 30 inch model. however, i know way too many men who feel compelled to buy a big screen tv- the bigger, the better (compensating for something, boys?), and there will be a rat's nest of wires behind this unit, connecting the bigscreen to a cable connection, antenna, dvr, dvd player, at least one vcr (more likely, two), and some sort of stereo system. the number of remotes necessary to control all of this can be a dizzying figure, which is why the anchor filling in for peter jennings went unheard in this abode this evening.

i know, i know, it's a huge overgeneralization, but i think it'll hold up pretty well.

on another note, i was going to talk about saturday's weenie hike (2 miles) yesterday, but somehow i spent two hours blogging about something quite different. (you can scroll down and read the chapterlong post now, if you'd like. this one can wait.........)

done? good- glad you remembered to scroll back up. where was i?

edmund, south carolina, actually. (i'd never heard of it, either.) after i finished my wnok shift saturday afternoon, i drove to a toy store downtown to resupply my gnomad stash, and then jumped in the car with my hiking companions and headed off to the bustling metropolis (great movie!)of edmund,sc- location of peachtree rock preserve, featuring the "world famous" (doubt you've heard of it) peachtree rock.

i have no idea how much time passed before we arrived at our destination, as i dozed off in the backseat of the car.

the preserve actually has not one, but two "peachtree" rocks. (you'll have to forgive me- i couldn't make a peach tree out of either of the formations, though they were still quite interesting.) the first rock we came to (presumably the "world famous" one) was roped off, though that hadn't stopped a few kids from climbing up on top of it, which was strictly prohibited in the list of rules posted at the trailhead.

how horrible is it that i secretly hoped one of those stoned teenagers would fall off the rock and break an arm, or something equally minor but memorable? i'm sure they were responsible for some of the cigarette butts and beverage containers littering the park, too.

peachtree rock

(pic. taken after we'd doubled back and the kids were gone)

after passing the rock, we came upon "the only cascade in the south carolina sandhills or coastal plain", which was a pretty unimpressive waterfall, though it had a nifty hole at the top that i couldn't resist sending a gnomad flying through.

alaska cascade

unchallenged by this easy trail, we plodded on down the path for a good mile or so before arriving at the less famous "little peachtree rock".

little peachtree rock

after snapping a couple of photos (none of me- i looked pretty rough), we continued along the loop, back to the big rock, pictured first in this entry. (on the way, we stopped back at the waterfall, where i tested out the digital camera's video capabilities by filming the girl gnomad (not my favorite style- too pink) floating down the creek and through the hole at the top of the waterfall. i am way too easily amused.

enough procrastination- treadmill time. (it beats the alternative- petrified laundry.)

Sunday, May 15, 2005

adventures in driving and devotion

i set out to write about my interesting drive to work this morning, and then smoothly segue into a story from my early driving years- well, technically, i wasn't driving yet- but i keep getting sidetracked. (bear with me, i'll get there eventually.)

every radio dj has at least one special listener- the one who seems to hang on their every word- calling in regularly to contribute their ideas. one of my former workplaces had an avid listener who would call the male jocks and pretend to be a naughty nurse. at another station, there was a listener who would call and demand that certain songs be played. he often got his way, as he'd threatened to sue the station before over something petty, and i think most jocks felt compelled to give in to his demands to spare the hassle of dealing with a (flimsy) lawsuit. there's a woman who calls the male djs at my station at varying times of the evening (in varying stages of sobriety) and occasionally she even slurs something they can understand. (the one phone call i was in the studio for (years ago) involved pedaling a bicycle down the street with only one leg. judging from the amount of slurring involved in the retelling of this tale, i'm guessing she had some problems keeping the bike upright.)

my devoted listener has followed me from station to station, though he has not always realized that i am, in fact, the same person.

my first time on the air in columbia, this listener was kind enough to call me in the wee hours of the evening (i was working the weekend overnight shift) to welcome me to town. in fact, he rolled out the red carpet, saying he'd be happy to show me around town. he gave me his address and phone number and said i could come over any time, day or night, and he'd be happy to set up his hammock and give me a back massage. well, somehow i lost the piece of paper i'd scribbled his phone number and address onto (or can you lose what you never actually had in the first place?), and never made it over there. the next weekend, he called, disappointed that i hadn't come over.

"i left the door unlocked every time i left the house, so you could come right in when you stopped by."

"sorry- i, uh, lost the directions to your place."

"oh- well, here they are again."

i can't quote the rest because, well, i just couldn't find anything to write them on and therefore, i didn't really feel the need to pay attention.

my special listener listened quite closely to everything i said, though he never mentioned the times i tripped over my tongue. (sometimes, i am a bit of a verbal klutz.) it seemed like he hung on every minute detail. like the time i mentioned something about teaching. remember the video for "hot for teacher", by van halen (back when diamond dave was at the helm)? well, apparently my fan was inspired by that video, because one evening, in the very wee hours, he called to share a fantasy he was having that involved me playing the role of teacher in a storyline that made that video look like a disney film. in fact, he was so overcome with.....emotion that he had to rapidly hang up and then call me back a few minutes later.

i know you're wondering why on earth i kept answering the phone. well, when one is working a day job, then babysitting, then coming in to work the midnight to 6 am shift (basically i was staying awake for 22 hours straight), one tends to feel drowsy somewhere in the ballpark of 3-4 a.m.. phone calls (and cherry flavored caffienated beverages) kept me awake.

my devoted fan was undeterred by my lack of enthusiasm. when i made a comment about being unable to reach the clock in the studio to switch over the daylight savings time, he offered to come in and reach it for me, as he was "very tall" (and felt compelled to list other "appealing attributes"). i declined.

when i was hungry and too broke to purchase a bag of overpriced chips out of the snack machine, he offered to bring a picnic lunch to share with me. (i passed.)

he told me over and over i was his favorite dj...then inquired about the state of my underwear.

later, i found out he was also calling the other weekend overnight girl in town. i don't know that their conversations were quite the same, though she was a little weirded out when he showed up at one of her appearances and presented her with a belt. i found that out after moving to her former station and one of my new coworkers walked by as i was being told by my fan- who had not figured out i was the same dj as his "favorite" on my former station- that i had the "sexiest voice [he'd] ever heard".

"even better than the chick over at [former station's frequency]?"


oh my.

i've been at wnok for 3 1/2 years now, and it seems his devotion has not waned.

during one phone call, when he was talking about various physical attributes and abilities (as well as suggesting ways he could back up his claims), a male coworker wandered in to the studio. since i didn't have to talk on the air for a while (and i really needed to visit the facilities), he volunteered to take over my end of the conversation, which ended pretty quickly. (i guess he just wasn't my fan's type.) i heard nothing for nearly three months.

and then, one evening, he returned. i don't remember the particulars of the conversation, but it probably involved all sorts of suggestive remarks on his part, and a lot of one word answers on mine.

we've had (mostly one sided) conversations on topics ranging from the "6 b's every good song has" (the only parts i remember were "bodacious beats" and something about "bouncin'" and "booty") to my repeated declinations of offers to visit to women who wear too much makeup to comparing my voice to sounds of nature (i have no clue, either.) to the artistic merits of justin timberlake and his song, "rock your body", which is my listener's favorite song- ever.

his admiration is not expressed solely over the phone. last year, he sent me a birthday card. i don't recall all the particulars, but the picture had a man and a woman on it, and the only thing i really remember is that the woman had a tattoo- only because he said something on the inside of the card about how he was certain i was not the kind of girl who would have one. (i do.)

there was a follow-up call, during which he addressed me as "birthday suit girl". (did you just cringe, too?) i believe he got mad at me soon after- i didn't hear from him for a while, after i declined one of his offers, pointing out that i was happily in a relationship.

"you don't seem like the sort of girl that would let that stand in your way."

"well, i am."

"sorry to hear that." *click*

it was two whole months before he reappeared.

anyway, i was reminded of all this- well, about an hour ago now- when he called to give me helpful car advice.

you see, i am not driving my car today. instead of my semi-sporty little coupe (he wants to be a mustang when he grows up), i rushed into work in an suv. not only is the difference in center of gravity a factor in how i drive (learned that the expensive, hard way), but i'm also accustomed to driving a stick. (i'm a 5-speed girl by birth.) you guessed it- i'm driving around an automatic today. i'm sure this is not a big deal for most folks, but my left foot gets bored and tries to hang out on the brake. plus, i drive this car so frequently that i can never remember which setting it's supposed to be in. there's p, which is obviously for "park", then r for "reverse", n ("neutral", i assume), a d inside of a circle ("overdrive"?), 1 and 2. after backing out of my space, i put the car in "1", which made strange noises when i got up to my usual cruising speed, so i shifted to "2", with my left foot under the impression that the brake was the clutch, and therefore needed to be stomped on to shift gears. the car lurched ahead about a foot. after removing my foot from the brake, i drove the rest of the way to work in 2, at a much slower speed than usual.

perhaps, in my haste, i missed something. let me run out to the car and check. nope, no sign of a plain "d" for "dumbass, this is the gear you use to drive." that's a comfort.

i'll be fine- my car should be back in my possession after my leaky tire is fixed.

anyway, as i headed into work, i observed two drivers who seemed to be in a bigger rush than i. the second (listed first because i have no charming anecdote to tie in here) was a driver whose car appeared to be having an epileptic fit at the stoplight. he'd lurch forward (much as i did while "shifting" the automatic vehicle), then bounce back. perhaps if he's just located the tripwire for the stoplight and stayed on it, we would have been able to go a little sooner.

the other car that made an impression this morning displayed a normally unseen feature- the fuel door was open, and the gas cap flapped around in the breeze, which was considerable, considering the driver appeared to be honing his skills for the next nascar event.

remember when gas caps were not tethered to the cars? when i was in high school, my best friend, heather, and i would often borrow her parents' station wagon and drive around town. sometimes we had a set destination, sometimes, we participated in the age old ritual of cruising the city's main drags in search for attractive members of the opposite sex. (not that we ever actually found any- or did anything with any of the ones we found. i think it was more about the thrill of picking up a phone number- obviously proving someone found you attractive- than "hooking up". heather always got the numbers. i usually attracted the really unappealing friend who was left over while heather talked to their slightly more appealing friend.)

but i digress.

anyway, there was one evening when we borrowed the car and found ourselves filling the tank right after leaving the house. as usual, while heather filled the tank, i washed the bug guts off the windshield. so, you would think that between the two of us, we would have remembered to replace the gas cap.

we did not.

there was a large ditch next to the gas station. as soon as we saw something fly off our car, we stopped, and started frantically searching for the errant cap. after maybe five minutes, a police officer stopped by and let us borrow his flashlight, which helped.......not very much. to this day, i am certain that gas cap is buried under about ten years' worth of grass and dirt. we passed by that spot during my last trip back to kansas city.

"hey heather- remember when......"
...... but the old station wagon is long gone, so we kept right on driving.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

embarking on an imaginary relationship?

i figured that since i'm at work (which means i have a high-speed connection and can open extra windows without my computer making strange noises and threatening to blow up) i'd try to add some links to past posts. i was going to insert this one into my previous post, where i mentioned "girlfriend of the year", but upon further examination, i felt inspired to give it a post of its own. (i thought this might be the counterpart for the other sex, but i was disappointed. however, this was an interesting find.)

so, i've started roaming around the imaginary girlfriend site, and i've discovered there are earning opportunities! how cool is this? i can earn $30 to $100 by pretending to be someone's girlfriend. (how do i claim that on my taxes? i don't recall "imaginary girlfriend" being listed among the options......)

finally- men could actually want to pretend to date me......and i'd get paid for it.

wait a minute- would that make me an imaginary escort? that might not be such a good thing for the resume. perhaps we shouldn't tell anyone else about this. (then again, it's not like i'd be bringing in enough to be mistaken for one of those girls. remember that post about the escort who called the cops when some of the disney on ice skaters wanted more than she was willing to give for their $400?)

this could make up for all those times in high school when no one would even pretend to date me. ah- soothing my wounded self-esteem with a little creative writing for cash. call it "alternative therapy", or whatever else you like, i'm calling it something to consider......especially since i have decent writing skills and may really need the extra money soon. i may have to dig up some halfway decent pictures of myself and fill out an application. (i sincerely hope a link's not enough to jinx something....)

i'm on the air this morning for the first time in three weeks, and i need to plow through my latest issues of rolling stone and details for interesting little tidbits to share during my show. perhaps i'll be able to get back on later and share the really interesting stuff with you.....multiple choice quiz, anyone?

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

calories out, calories in

i am a sweaty pig.

yep, i finally put my bouncy adidas to use. i told myself (i'm not ashamed to admit i talk to myself.) that i will use these spiffy new shoes only when working out. so, after eating like a horse today, i decided i'd put in some quality time on the treadmill before playing with this evening's makeup order.

when i left the apartment an hour ago, one of the rowdy neighbors from across the hall (breezeway, technically) had his grill out and flames were licking a rack of ribs. (i guess he missed that "no personal grills" clause in the rent agreement.) when i returned five minutes ago, he was working on enough burgers for a family of six. so, either one of my neighbors is hosting a tapeworm, or else they've moved their "gathering" night up from saturday this week.

speaking of food, i'm proud to report that i did not go to subway- er- a random sub shop- this evening, partially because i'm broke, partially because there's no way to top last night's experience, and (most importantly) because i was already scheduled to dine at keith and rhonda's.

which brings me to last evening's saga (previously sent out into the great unknown less than 24 hours ago....about the time i hit "publish post").......

after work yesterday (and passing out catalogs in the rain), i was too tired to drive all the way to the grocery store, and too uninspired to create some sort of palate-pleaser from the three items in my freezer (chocolate fudge brownie frozen yogurt, green corn tamales, and random stir fry vegetables). so, since i had cash on me (a rarity), i headed over to the local sub shop to pick up dinner. (taco bell was a tempting thought, but i'm trying to be vaguely health-conscious in an attempt to maintain my semi-sleek physique....or at least keep my butt from expanding too rapidly.)

the good news: the "help wanted" (scribbled in crayon) sign is down, so they've hired somebody- unless, of course, management has decided a sign written in magic marker would be more effective.

the not-so-good news: if one of the new hires was present last night, i'm afraid they didn't strike me as being the brightest shirt in the closet.

when i entered the store, there was one other customer- a lady who was picking up some sort of footlong for someone else. her sub was being constructed by a dude i'd never seen before, but he looked like he knew what he was doing. i was not lucky enough to have this quality of service.

while the dude was making my predecessor's sandwich, another employee wandered out from the back and asked what sort of bread i wanted for my subs. (only one was mine, but i'm trying for that coveted "girlfriend of the year" award, so i figured i'd bring the second one home.) once my bread selection was established (that took a few tries, since they were out of my first and second bread choices), i was asked three different times what meats i wanted in my subs. (by this point, i was trying to use words of no more than two syllables, lest i confuse the poor girl.)

around this time, a police officer came in and took his place in line behind me. not only did the dude greet this new customer, but he also began reciting every little tidbit of police jargon stored in his mental recesses. (the collection was probably culled from various episodes of "21 jump street", "starsky and hutch", and "law and order".) perhaps five minutes after the cop's entrance, a preteen boy joined the queue.

upon completion of the sub before mine, the dude was summoned to the phone. apparently, his "baby mama" was on the line. however, the dude was a multitasker! he could converse with "baby mama" while slinging lunchmeat! with the phone firmly attached to his right ear, he asked the preteen what kind of sub he'd like. as he began constructing the six-inch masterpiece, the bright spark putting my sandwiches together asked the cop what he'd like. so, suddenly my "sandwich artiste" (yes, that was intentional) was making not only my two footlongs, but a 6 inch turkey sub, as well. (meanwhile, a third employee was taking care of the bread shortage.)

wait- it gets even better.

thunderstorms had been in the forecast all afternoon, but the clouds only sprinkled until about 7:00- when i was reviewing the important "register closing instructions" i'd seen the evening before. while i was suppressing the urge to grab their red crayon and edit the "register closing instructions", my sandwich artiste was applying half a bottle of mayonnaise to my sub. (either she thought i could use the extra fat, or else she was too sidetracked attempting to flirt with the police officer- i'm not sure which.) i stopped her before she began squirting mayo all over the outside of my bread. (don't get me wrong- i like mayo as much as the next girl- but i like my arteries, too.) as she stood with the mayonnaise bottle hovering over the cop's sandwich, there was a huge thunderclap and the lights went out.

chaos ensued.

the preteen hit the floor, like he'd just heard a gunshot, and crawled toward the door on his belly. (it's not the best neighborhood, but i didn't think it was that rough.)

the two female employees screamed and hid in the back room.

when the power went out, "baby mama" was no longer on the other end of the phone, which the dude kept trying to turn back on.

the cop took it all in, while i was busy trying to figure out the location of the sub shop second-closest to my home for the next time i had a sub craving.

a couple of moments later, the dude told the girls to lock all the doors, since it seems "this store gets robbed every time the power goes out." the girls were not thrilled with this idea, so the three of them ran to the back, where they secured the back door together. mid stride, the dude inquired whether anyone in the store had a cell phone so he could call his boss and ask him what to do next. (at least that's what i think he said, as one of the females was busy screaming after every little thunderclap ("my family has a good history of lightning.", she explained after she'd calmed down.), and the other one was yelling something about how she was pregnant and didn't need the stress and wanted to close up the store and go home for the evening.)

when the construction of our sandwiches resumed, we were told that the artiste would sprinkle on the salt and pepper seperately, because she couldn't tell which was which in the dark.

the power outage presented an additional problem. while i'd already been charged for my dinner, the police officer had not. first, the dude tried to tell him that his sub would be on the house, because they couldn't use the cash register. however, he declined this offer, which meant somebody would have to figure out how much he'd have to pay. you would think these folks had been asked to do advanced calculus with a pencil and a post-it note. the menu price of this sub was $3.29. one employee figured the total was around 4 bucks. the artiste came up with $3.30. the cop handed over $3.50, which amounted to my figure, plus a nickel tip.


as soon as my sandwiches were bagged, i headed for the (locked) front door at rapid speed.

i am so glad i didn't apply for that job.

(this story seemed much funnier in its original incarnation, so i apologize if this version didn't live up to the hype. i'll try to do better next time.)

blog rage and duran duran

i suffered a slight case of blog rage last night.

i slaved over a post for 45 minutes- it was the perfect balance of humor and tragedy (too much mayo), and then tragedy took the lead- blogger ate my post. as you can imagine, i was far from thrilled. in fact, i think i may have thrown something. (it was NOT comforting to see the "reassuring" error message stating that blogger higher-ups would be notified of this error, either.)

perhaps, if i'm feeling up to it tonight, i'll try to recreate the post.

i woke up in a better mood this morning- especially after hearing duran duran will be in charlotte three days after my birthday.

that's enough for now- if this joins last night's post, currently floating around some mysterious internet black hole, i don't want to have wasted too long on its construction.........

Monday, May 09, 2005

roaming sprinklers and random trivia

it was hot today. it wasn't as hot as in arizona, but it's true- humidity makes all the difference.

so, we got naked. on very hot days, i strip my kids down to bathing suits or diapers, and we do a bunch of messy art, and then play outside in the elmo sprinkler. so, after the little people woke up, we ate our snacks, fingerpainted, played with shaving cream, and ran around outside for quite some time. it's supposed to be a scorcher again tomorrow, so i imagine we'll be back at it.

ah, the elmo sprinkler- it brings back memories. when i was in college (not that long ago, though sometimes it seems like it's been about 10 years, not 5) in maryville, missouri, it would get so hot in the summers (no air conditioning, either) that i'd lay out on the back porch most summer afternoons (after completing all of my homework early, of course) and bask in the sun...with my elmo sprinkler set to "low", so i'd be constantly misted and (theoretically) would not suffer heat stroke and have to be taken to the hospital. the sprinkler was purchased at the wal-mart in town (the competition was pretty much chased out of town) for about $15.....cheaper than most kiddie pools, and far easier to set up. so, day after day, i'd set my towel on our marble slab ("the patio"), hook elmo up to a hose, and try to keep my book dry and my body tan.

and then one day, i went outside and elmo was gone.

first, i suspected my roommates. (six chicks in one house is not a good idea.)

when i realized none of them would stoop that low (even the one i really didn't like, especially after her boyfriend drunkenly whizzed on my groceries in the middle of the night one weekend when she was out of town- i mean, really, dude. if she's not here to keep an eye on you, you really should spend the night at your own place.....), i began to suspect that elmo had taken off with the underground gypsy movement in maryville, missouri.

when the underground gypsy movement theory was debunked, i started looking in the "lost and found" section of the local paper.

and then, one day, my roommate ashley wandered into my room. she'd been out on the back porch (probably having a smoke), and a little girl from down the street started poking around our back yard. ashley asked her what she was looking for, and she replied something to the effect of, "i'm looking for more toys." ashley was a little puzzled, as not many of my roommates had the sort of toys that would appeal to someone of such a young age.

"what kind of toys?", ashley said.

"well, i found an elmo here the other day....."

and can you believe ashley didn't follow the kid back to her house and rescue elmo for me? as i recall, the little girl told ashley that she and her brother didn't really have many toys, because their family didn't have a lot of money (not even 15 bucks for an elmo sprinkler? come on......), and ashley felt bad for her.

i felt bad for elmo.

however, i'm not mean enough to chase down some poor kid to retrieve my $15 elmo sprinkler. (okay, i probably am, but i didn't know what the kid looked like, and i didn't want to wind up rescuing "my" elmo from the wrong family.)

so, the rest of the summer, i had to make do with some crappy $5 sprinkler that was supposed to shoot water in all different directions in that popular arcing motion. unfortunately, to get close enough to stay cool, i was practically on top of the thing, and of course my book kept getting wet.

so, playing in the sprinkler today brought back memories. that girl's probably old enough by now to work at mc donald's and earn money for her own damn sprinkler.

by the way, some of my trip photos have been added. scroll down and have a look. (more to come in the next day or two- i'm adding them to posts from "are we here yet?" to "whaddya mean....time to go home?") enjoy!

in other news, my decluttering mission continues. today, i leafed through the october 3, 1996 issue of rolling stone, which featured a naked brooke shields on the cover. a few tidbits from that issue (feel free to place comments with your guesses):

1. mtv 2 launched on august 1, 1996. what was the first video played, and who was it by?

1a. what was the first video played on mtv, and who was it by?

1b. what was the first video played on vh1, and who was the artist?

2. who was brooke shields' fiance in 1996?

3. the title of the keanu reeves movie "feeling minnesota" is taken from the song _______________ by __________________.
(bonus: which album was the song on?)

4. the band republica had a hit with "ready to go" in 1996. their name was inspired by which new order album?

there- that should keep you busy for a minute or two.....

by the way, in 1996, i entered college. funny, doesn't seem like it was that long ago.......

ignorance is bliss?

i'm saving my "real" post for later, but i want to type this in before i forget- it's too priceless.

i just got back from my local sub shop. i'm hungry, and too lazy to drive all the way to the store- plus i had 4 full "sub club" cards to turn in. the last attempted purchase there was at 8:30 p.m. a few weeks back, and the entry into the store was met with "that door should have been locked, because we're closed." (not, this was not on a sunday, either.)

anyway, i felt like a footlong (or two- i share), so i pulled open the door- complete with a "help wanted" sign scrawled in red crayon- wandered past the lounging employee, and headed to the counter to begin the five-minute process of figuring out which subs i wanted. as the "sandwich artist" created my subs, i happened to glance over by the cash register, where another note was scrawled in crayon:

1. count all the money
2. subtract $150 dollars
3. take the subtracted amount out of the draw (sic)
4. make final night deposit
5. take 1 minute read

all i can say is, wow.

i thought about applying (babysitting has been slow lately), but i'm afraid i'm a little overqualified.

ok- my footlong italian sub awaits. i'll be back later to delight you with my semi-amusing sprinkler story.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

putting those shoes to good use

i am so freakin' lame.

you know those $100 adidas i was talking about the other day? the ones with the bouncy soles? well, i put them on, took a load of stuff out to my car, and drive 1/10th of a mile to check the mail. normally, i scoff at other folks who do these sorts of things. i call them "lazy" and voice various opinions in their general direction from the safety of my sealed vehicle. tonight, i was one of them. (i had a good reason, though- it was way after dark, i was by myself, and some of my neighbors are a little questionable.) i'll try not to let it happen again.

while i was in the car, i flipped through radio stations and landed on a discussion about "eerie, indiana" coming out on dvd. perhaps i'll have the credit card paid down enough to get it for my dad for father's day. (it's okay- i'm not spoiling the surprise- he never reads this blog, according to my statcounter.)

those shoes did come in handy when sprinting to the ticket counter this morning. (for once, the tardiness was not my fault, and the person at fault has been informed that i would not appreciate being that late again.) as we rushed to the ticket counter, the agents allowed us to bypass those stupid e-ticket machines i can never seem to operate, saying, "they're about to restirct the flight." while taking our bags and issuing our boarding passes simultaneously. after clearing security (handchecking my 800 speed film slowed us down a little), we half-ran to the gate, where we were just in time to board.

we got on the plane, stumbled down the aisle, and found our seats were already taken by a woman who was pushing her lycra to the limit. not only had she spread herself out over both of our seats, but she had her pillow out, eyes closed, and appeared to be blissfully dreaming. uh, great. so, since i was already a little on edge (4 hours of sleep before a 5:20 a.m. flight- you do the math), i loudly said, "uh- 19 a and b?" the seat squatter woke up from her snooze (or a doze, since she woke up pretty easily) and said, "no, this is 18.", to which the woman in the remaining seat replied, "NO, this is row 19." (i guess she was a little edgy, too, possibly because she thought this woman was going to take over her seat next.) the folks in row 18 held up their ticket stubs and said they were in seats a and b. so, NOT ONLY did this woman have the wrong row, but SHE WASN"T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE IN A WINDOW SEAT! i'm guessing she was too uncomfortable cramming herself into one seat, that she figured she could just take over two adjoining vacant seats and hope no one would catch on.

i was livid, not that you can tell.

so, this "confused" soul moved up to her rightful seat. however, when the two seats across the aisle were vacated by a couple of folks who wore looks of concern after the standard, "please check your tickets to ensure (name of city) is on your itinerary. if (city) is not one you'd planned to fly to today, please return to the gate agent." their farts hadn't dissipated before this woman lurched across the aisle, lifted the armrest, and settled into the newly empty seats.


the second flight was far less interesting. (of course, between the two legs of our journey, i had to revisit the swatch store.)i suppose the highlight of that leg (aside from continental's tasty mini turkey sandwich) was the gate agent assuming my companion and i were married- and calling us "the paules family." ....did i call that a highlight? it was actually a little disturbing. i think i liked it better when everyone assumed i was jailbait. to think, less than six months ago, i was asked if i was traveling with an adult. dammit- whatever happened to my youthful good looks?

after rounding up our luggage and stopping at jack in the box (two tacos for 99 cents, and their egg rolls are surprisingly tasty, too), we got home a couple hours after we'd touched down. so far this evening, i've unpacked almost everything, checked my mail five times, updated my webpage (slightly), checked in and packaged tomorrow's makeup deliveries, typed up lesson plans, and made that long, hard trek to the mailbox. (laundry can wait.)

so, it's time to log off and put away my tennis shoes (i'm not trashing them at school- they're for serious workouts and trips to the mailbox only.)

(by the way, happy mother's day (if applicable))