Tuesday, May 31, 2016

what's in a name?

i try to be extra careful getting my callers' names recorded correctly, because people botch mine all the time.
there was a caller this morning that went so far above and beyond that it was all i could do to refrain from asking her to give the phone to someone else.
"what's your name?"
"how do you spell that?"
"what was that?"
"dolphin, unicorn, flamingo, flamingo"
"i can tell you've done this before. your name is dolphin?"
"no. it's "d", as in "dolphin", "u", as in "unicorn", "f", as in "flamingo", "f", as in flamingo"."
"ooohhhhhhh. what's your first name?"
"that is it."
"what's your last name, then?"
(last name, said and then spelled thrice)
"was that "i, s"?"
"e, s. i'm the only "duff" here at the answering service."
"okay, and how did you spell your first name, again?"
i would have made reference to the old "who's on first?" bit, but i have a feeling this dear soul (bless her heart bless her heart bless her heart) would have needed me to explain that one to her a couple of times, too.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

...in which i talk a little dirty

one of my favorite things about obstacle course/mud runs, besides having an excuse to climb around on stuff and get dirty, is that several of the obstacles are the same from race to race, allowing you to gauge your improvement as time goes by.

i am thrilled to report that i've noticed during my last two races (the marine mud challenge at ft. gordon yesterday and the mud run two weeks ago a little closer to home) that my performance over the past year has improved greatly.

there were a couple of obstacles at the mud run two weeks ago that i couldn't do without help, but those were mostly due to, well, you may not have noticed this but i'm not tall. i come by it honestly. my parents are not tall. none of my grandparents were tall. in fact, it is highly unlikely that my family tree contains any long limbs.

still, it was an improvement over last year, when i needed a lot of hoisting.

during yesterday's mud run, i only needed a boost a handful of times- mostly due to the reason listed above, although the final wall was a matter of my shoes and the wall both being too slick for me to use a slightly bunged out board as a toehold.

again, this was a big improvement over last year.

i need to give credit where it is due:

*to my teammates and a volunteer or two along the course, for boosting me when my otherwise convenient size gave me a disadvantage and

*to the coaches over at crossfit bomb island who, over the last year, have helped me build up enough upper body strength (something for which i have never been known) that i can finally pull myself up onto walls, bars, and logs.

i swear, were i not such a klutz, parkour would be my next new hobby.

Monday, May 02, 2016

i didn't mean to turn you on

two of my jobs pay me to use my voice.

voices are powerful things. they convey messages, and not only are the words said important but, often, the way they're said- syntax, basic tones, inflection- are even moreso.

 that said, i feel i must issue an apology to anyone i may have given the wrong impression lately. that husky softness i may have been sporting over the lines last night (and will most likely have for at least another couple of days) was not an attempt to create a deep, sultry intimacy with you.

no- i wasn't testing out my late-night phone skills, in case i need to pick up a higher paying telephone gig. (it would never work, anyway, as i'm too likely to snicker and giggle or answer honestly when asked, "so- what are you wearing?"*)

nor have i been working on my eartha kitt impression in preparation for dressing up as catwoman this halloween.

the truth is, i seem to have picked up a raging cold. i'm coughing occasionally, my nose itches pretty much constantly**, and chances are good that i've either just sneezed, am trying not to sneeze midsentence, or will sneeze within the next five minutes.

so, yeah. sorry to burst the bubble, but that's the truth. please pass the kleenex.....and maybe a slice of that pizza.

*granted, "sweatpants and the free shirt from my last race" might be.....inspiring.... to some.

**that could be chalked up to someone thinking about me, though. if that person is you, please do me a favor and give me a little break. think about pizza instead. 🍕🍕🍕 doesn't hawaiian pizza sound great right about now? of course it does. you should have some for dinner tonight.