Monday, March 10, 2014

on a musical note....

i try to live in such a way that, when the movie version of my future best selling autobiography comes out and the person in charge of the soundtrack decides to pick a richard marx song to play over the end credits*, "satisfied" seems a more fitting choice than "should've known better" or "don't mean nothing".

*actually, i'd prefer either "everybody wants to rule the world", like in my favorite movie, or "don't you forget about me". (there are several acceptable versions of the latter. however, if justin beiber records a cover of it at any time, it would not qualify as one of them.)

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

the best medicine?

"good morning. thank you for calling (random medical practice). how may i help you?"

(little old lady) "i'd like to order "islands in the stream" and "you are so beautiful"."

(pause) "uh, well, ma'am. i'm afraid you've reached a medical practice. i'm not sure we can help you with that."

"well, i called 1-800 (other numbers that do not spell "sir-mix-a-lot"*), and that's how i found you."

the first two times, i informed her that i was sorry, but it appeared she may have misdialed. the third time, however, i decided that i'd help her out since it was 3 in the morning, calls were slow, and she was really intent on getting her fix of kenny rogers/dolly parton and joe cocker. 

as it turned out, she was attempting to order a 9 disc collection from time life, which isn't really affiliated with "time" or "life" magazines, but some company called "starvista entertainment". i pulled up their website and gave her the customer service number, but she still found her way back to me. i asked if she had internet access. she said "no". i told her they had a little form i could fill out for her so they could contact her in the morning. unfortunately, she didn't have a phone available, aside from the one she was using in her hospital room. 

yes, really. this little old lady was trying to buy an epic 9-disc set of love songs* she saw on late night tv while laid up in the hospital. 

*of course i checked