Friday, March 31, 2006

bedtime blogging, take two

i haven't looked, but is there a "pensive" emoticon around here somewhere? it was one of those "deep thinking" sorts of days....and i think christopher walken is totally to blame.

i know, i know- you're wondering why i feel the need to pass blame about this sort of thing, and why on earth i've chosen him, of all people.

when the video you may or may not have just watched first came out, the song was working its way up the modern rock charts. jed the fish spotlighted in on his countdown, out of order, one week (i know, because i was working at a modern rock station at the time and was recording a tape of "new" music for my car, which has only a radio and a cassette player because i as unwilling to get the "power package", but that's neither here nor there...), and when he mentioned walken, he said something about him always playing such "intense" characters and here he was, finally letting loose.

well, maybe that doesn't really have anything to do with it being a thought-provoking kind of day, but it was a rather smooth way of slipping in three four walken related links in honor of his 63rd birthday, wasn't it?

...and now i have only myself to blame for wasting the past ten minutes playing around on that last website- did you know there's a cowbell in "the reflex", by duran duran? really.

some other surprisingly cowbell-laden tunes:

"take my breath away"- berlin
"hit me baby one more time"- britney spears
"i will always love you"- whitney houston**
"shake me"- cinderella
"don't you want me"- human league
"sweet transvestite"- tim curry***

...and this one's just an odd coincidence, i'm sure-
"weapon of choice"- fatboy slim

*because, two paragraphs into it, my previous attempt just didn't thrill me.
**damn you, whitney! didn't i banish you from my head just the other day?
***now there's an excuse to break out the rocky horror picture show dvd- all in the name of research, of course.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

i can totally explain.....

....the bruise on my derriere, which is undoubtedly huge.*

it's quite simple, really- there was this huge snake in the yard as i was weeding today, and since i'm scared of snakes and their menacingly pointy teeth, i scaled the nearest tree in an attempt to flee, but then the snake followed me up the tree, and i did this smooth flip as i jumped out of the tree and landed on my feet, and then i took off running and the best the snake could do was, uh, head-butt my extreme upper thigh area.

not buying it? crap- i'll have to tinker with my story some more. i'd go with the tried and true "there were these three huge guys at the bar", but that only works when my audience is unaware of the fact that i don't drink enough for it to even count, really.

i suppose, as usual, the truth is far more believable and far less glamorous:
there i was, trying to teach my 4-year-old sidekick to rollerblade, and i wound up coming down the driveway a little too fast, tried to spin into a stop, kept spinning, and wound up stopping only after totally losing my balance and landing hard on my butt.

perhaps i should work on that snake story a little more.......

*i was referring to the bruise.....while sir mix-a-lot would not kick me to the curb, i am please to report one does not need a wide-angle lens to photograph my back end.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

dum dum da da da dum dum da dum

if you're a fairly regular reader, you'll note that i often refer to my "mental jukebox". i'm not sure whether it's normal or not (heck- why start being normal now?), but i almost constantly have songs running through my head.

sometimes, i'll get lucky, and the song of the moment will be something decent. for example, i spent most of yesterday roaming around the workplace singing "hey jealousy".* today's song wasn't bad either, but we'll get back to that in a minute or two.

unfortunately, some days, i'm just not so lucky. earlier this week, i spent approximately 4 hours, suffering through "ice, ice baby". perhaps it would not have been quite so agonizing if i'd been able to recall more than

"alright- stop, collaborate and listen
vanilla ice with a brand new edition"

(hey- i didn't say my mental jukebox always played things accurately.)

sometimes, to compound matters, my train of thought also comes into play. like, for instance, reading the above makes me think of, naturally, new edition....which is okay (in my book) when it leads me to "if it isn't love", but not so okay when i think about bobby brown, which can lead to whitney houston, and then i find myself stuck with "i will always want to slit my wrists when i hear this song....errr...i you" for the next day and a half.

aw, great. dammit whitney- get out of my noggin.

so- out of necessity, back to today, when i had the kinks on the brain.**

unfortunately, i have not heard "come dancing" recently enough to really get going on the lyrics, which probably explains why all i had in my head was a bit of......keyboard? steel drum? xylophone? i don't know- some solo by a "tropical" instrument and the line "come's only natural".

which, when no one was looking, was exactly what i did.

*when no one was around to witness it, of course.
**note to the musically impaired: this does not mean i let my hair do its half-assed curly/wavy thing. once upon a time, there was a band called the kinks. whether or not their name came from their alleged kinkiness*** is beyond me. they were inducted into the rock n' roll hall of fame in 1990, and their lead singer, ray davies, was recently interviewed in rolling stone.****
***totally making it up as i go here, folks.
****when you use this useless knowledge to win jeopardy, feel free to send me a portion of your winnings- i could use it to buy their greatest hits album which, i'm told, does not include "come dancing"

Monday, March 27, 2006

hold the flowers, please

i have an earth-shattering, life-changing revelation for you.

are you sitting down? (i know, i know- two days in a row is an awful lot to ask of a person, isn't it?)

well, are you?

okay *deep breath* here goes:

i am not a girly girl. i never have been, and i seriously doubt i ever will be.

need proof?

1. i cannot walk in heels....and i really have no intention of learning how to do it.

2. i subscribe to only one women's magazine, and that's only because they feature various exercises and recipes i might, eventually, sometime in the distant future, attempt to perform/concoct. (plus it was a "buy one, get one free subscription" deal, and you know how hard it can be to pass those up, don't you?)

3. i wear makeup maybe once a year, and that's only if forced- or bribed with a seriously high-dollar meal. (i'm not ashamed to admit i'll dress up for the melting pot.)

4. i can't stand pink. (the color, not the singer.....i think she's downright spunky, which reminds me that i really need to add her new album to my wish list.)

5. i have never gotten flowers- and i'm really very okay with that fact. i mean, why spend money on something that'll be dead in three days anyway?

6. i do not, nor have i ever, fantasize(d) about my eventual wedding. (forget the $5000 dress- do you know what kind of vacation i could take with that kind of money? australia, here i come!)

7. i do not get all hot and bothered over articles like "50 new ways to wear your lipstick" and "how to decorate your home using nothing but doilies and dead flowers".

8. i couldn't care less what oprah would do in any given situation.

9. barbie who?

10. i have always been a firm believer that wearing skirts gets in the way of climbing trees.

that said, i find it somewhat unsettling that the current state of my cuticles is actually bothering me at this moment.......enough to abandon this and chase down some hand cream, even.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

looking for love, part two

this topic came up again today- not once, but twice, and since other post-worthy topics seem to be eluding me this evening.....voila.

in my online wanderings today, i found myself chcking out all sorts of blogs and profiles- both on myspace and blogspot- and wondered about more than a couple.

i mean, really, if you look fourteen, perhaps you shouldn't try to convince me that you're my age. (then again, maybe taking the "class of 2009" icon off of your profile would make things a little more believable....i'm just sayin'.)

i also have to wonder about the folks who use cartoon characters as profile pictures. i mean, sure cookie monster's cute, but i have a really hard time believing that you, mr. "single, slender, and 6'2", are covered in blue fur and have google eyes......the cookie habit, i'll allow however. i mean, after all, i'll admit to having a couple of boxes of girl scout cookies hanging out in my pantry. so, in the spirit of honesty- i'm going to give you full disclosure:

(are you sitting down? it might be a good idea.)

despite my pictures, i'm really a 350lb black man with red hair. really.

how awkward would it be to fall for someone who resembles, say, rebecca romijn*, arrange to meet them on the steps of the lincoln memorial, and when the time comes, you realize the only person on the steps of the lincoln memorial besides you- the one who looks strangely like cookie monster- is, in fact, your date?

i know, i know- most of the time, the little white lies told in personal ads and profiles and whatnot are simply an effort to sound as appealing as possible to potential mates.

but what if...

what if we were a bit more realistic? i mean, we've all heard that there's no such thing as "mister right"- you have to find someone who has flaws you can live with.

what if, instead of putting your best foot forward, you had to write a personal ad listing all your flaws.....sort of an advance warning/disclaimer, if you will?

what would you say?

here's mine (assuming, of course, i were single- which, well, i'm not):

swf, 27, temperamental scalp, even more temperamental skin, blondish/blue, 5'2", prone to claiming i'm going to get on the treadmill on a daily basis but usually wind up running out of time because i'm too busy screwing around on the internet and/or hitting the "snooze" button, seeks single guy who won't roll his eyes when i tell him the same stories over and over and is agile enough to get out of the way when i throw something across the room out of frustration. must also be willing to clean the dishes after i cook and fold laundry because, well, even though i say i'll do it, i'm really hoping to get out of it.......

good grief- how long is a personal ad supposed to be? i ask only because i just deleted two more paragraphs, mostly because the ad would wind up costing me an arm, a leg, and quite possibly my spleen, and flaw number 15 was my frugality.....which means all i'm willing to give up for potential love is an eyelash. i should have left in flaw number 17, though- the part about being a borderline workaholic....which reminds me- time to get back to doing something resembling actual work.

*i totally do, of course**

**assuming you're half blind and we're in a heavy fog at night

you can call me al*

just when you've given up on me, i finally manage to pound out a post. what can i say? it's been a busy sort of weekend. i've set up a myspace page for the station, and while i was at it, i played around with photoshop and customized my own, and updated both random photos and bodhi's blog, and i've put in beaucoup hours at the radio station, and scribbled on 100 avon catalogs so far and uhm....uh....surely there's something else i've accomplished that i'm forgetting.....

anyway, my point is that for once, i am actually getting stuff done on a weekend. this is a good thing, since maybe it'll lead to less stress later in the week and more time to catch up on stuff that needs to be done at home. (or, more likely, i'll just work late at work or something equally lucrative.)

okay- done patting myself on the back now. carry on.

*actually, i'm feeling more like super-accomplishment-girl (no cape- thanks), but paul simon started playing on my mental jukebox and, well, you know how hard it is to resist singing along.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

that time of the week....

i have lots to work on today including, hopefully, a post at some point, but i didn't want you to think i'd forgotten about sentence saturday. this week's word is snozzleblasm. please scroll through the comments to find your word, and don't forget to leave a new made-up word for the next person who stops by.

thanks for playing with me this week.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

go figure

because of this, bodhi's blog is getting four times the traffic of this blog.

seriously- i checked my statcounter first thing this morning (which reminds me- which of my kansas city friends has been searching for me by name? hmmm?), and because of a link someone put up on a bo bice fan forum, bodhi had 36 pageviews before 9am, while musings only had 9.

all i can say is, ride those coattails, little gnome!

letting it go...

i'm behind, and i know it. i have several half-written posts from my weekend excursion that need to be strung together, polished, and put up.

however, if i wait for a chunk of free time large enough to get it done, it'll be at least another week, so i figure i might as well give you a brief summary. with that in mind, may i present to you

bits and pieces from the last week

thursday, march 16th

congaree national park

friday, march 17th
i figured i’d get a jump on my sneaky sibling and call daddy at work to wish him a happy birthday first. i was quite proud of myself until she called about fifteen minutes later, said she’d done the same thing, and it seems that my message on his voice mail (the one where i’m crowing about being the first to call) is about ten minutes younger than her message about being the first to call.


the trip to kansas city was nothing if not...exciting. after battling traffic jams caused by dick cheney, who'd flown into charlotte for a brunch, i thought i was free and clear when my first plane rolled into detroit.

au contraire, mon frere

we arrived at the detroit airport thirty minutes before my flight to kansas city was due to take off. since one is supposed to be on the plane fifteen minutes prior to takeoff, I was less than thrilled to find that we’d deplaned at gate a2….and my next flight would be departing from gate a76 which, naturally, would be about half a mile away, at the complete opposite end of the freaking terminal. i wandered up to the indoor tram in the hopes that perhaps i’d be able to hop on and save myself a little time. needless to say, i was simply thrilled to see “temporarily out of order” scrolling on the video screen above the tram entrances.

henry rollins has a great spoken word bit about airports and the folks who stand on the moving sidewalks- especially on the side clearly marked “walk”, as is the case at the detroit airport. (the only conclusion i can draw is that there were a lot of illiterate folks roaming about the detroit airport today.)

however, i suppose the stubborn “standees” should be thanked for adding a whole new dimension to my little “workout”- not only was i forced to sprint from one end of the airport to the other, but i also worked in a bit of lateral motion dodging folks, and since i was dragging around both my computer bag and backpack, i suppose i can consider the whole exercise adequate training for the upcoming hike next month.

anyway, ten minutes and at least half a mile later (wanna measure it for me next time you’re there, doug?), I made it to a76…and nearly ran into folks deplaning from the plane that had arrived late from philly…which, of course, meant that it’d be a while before we’d board our plane, which meant I didn’t really have to run after all.


however, it was all worthwhile becuase i managed to surprise daddy when i finally made it to kansas city- as this blurry shot taken the moment he saw me shows:

i am pleased to report that i did not give daddy heart failure for his 60th birthday. (go me!)

saturday, march 18th

i actually finished this post in the car:


why is it when I meet intriguing people who happen to be vaguely attractive, I can strike up a conversation with them (quick- sparkling wit and personality- you’re on in 10), but I wind up kicking myself later for not leaving them my email address and taking their picture*….then again, i suppose even striking up a conversation is pretty good, considering I used to have a very hard time doing even that much.

we went to the brown vs. board of education historical site today (2 cancellations on my national park passport in three days- woo-hoo!), and i wound up chatting up one of the employees, who, well, happened to be a bit of a hunk. (don’t worry, dear- he wasn’t val kilmer.) anyway, we started chatting about the stamps on my passport, which led to him asking about the most out-of-the-way park i’d been to (st. croix in eastern maine), and come to find out, he used to live near one of the other parks i’d almost made it to this summer and somehow we wound up talking about kayaking and now i’m kicking myself for not slipping him my email address or blog address or something, because i’d really love to pick his brain. (as it was, i was dragged away by daddy….isn’t that always the way?)

*let me adjust that slightly- i have contact info for the canadian friend i made on my last trip to kansas city…..he should have been a picture of the day, though.

ok, now that we're all caught up (sort of), i need to take care of catching up of another sort- in the interest of having post-worthy photos from havasupai next month, the treadmill beckons.

Monday, March 20, 2006

please hold....

....i have many things to post- all will be backdated, and should appear as soon as i get myself out from under the latest shipment.

if you do not hear from me in three days, please send an attractive search and rescue crew to my apartment. thanks.

Thursday, March 16, 2006


if i ever say anything about thinking about flying northwest airlines, please shoot me.

i have tried their goddamned automated system. i have shrieked "representative!" at varying picthes and tones, and even incorporated the use of some rather colorful....modifiers. do i get a representative/agent/human being?


i get a clueless computer that wants to know if she heard me right- that i'm on flight 1310.

(for future reference, that's what a flushing toilet with a hearty "dammit! give me a human!" translates into.)

i've never read dante's inferno, but i am absolutely certain i'm in one of his circles of hell right feels like at least the fifth.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

i like the way you work it....

dear hottie who was stuck at the brickyard/two notch stoplight next to me today,

1. no, that was not my minivan. i swear it's someone else's, just like the kids i'm keeping an eye on during the next 36 hours. eally. i'm no soccer mom- i'm too young for all that. i'm more of a mustang cobra kind of girl (new body style excluded, though- it looks a little too much like a shoebox for my tastes), minus the income to pay for a mustang cobra, hence the zx2 i actually own....which, while not a cobra, certainly screams "young and fun" a little louder than a minivan (once again, not my own) does.

2. yes, i was the one with "no diggity" streaming out of the windows of the aforementioned minivan (which, have i mentioned, is not mine?).

3. i wasn't talking on the phone- i was singing along. should the fact that i know every worrd of that song fail to impress you, let me also mention that i can also recite the words to "too close", "tubthumping", and just about any other song that was popular at college bars/dancefloors in the late 90s. (mostly because i was sober all but one time i was in a bar in college, and that one occasion led to my refusal to touch alcohol for the year following said incident.*)

4. to reiterate:
a. not my minivan
b. you should be impressed by my smooth vocal stylings. (hence the need for the radio to be turned up a bit.)

5. you may have heard a rumor about my being already spoken for. while those rumors are true (let's face it, you weren't val kilmer), you should still feel free to worship me, due to 4a above, not to mention the myriad of other reasons you could not possibly have realized during our very brief time together...well, at the intersection.


*also known as the infamous "frying pan incident", though that was later in the 12-hour period.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

odds and ends...again

i've got multiple thoughts that i'm too tired to link together in some clever, witty way:

*latest cd purchases (last night):

1. boomkat- boomkatalog one
saw a couple of videos on our website, and couldn't get them out of my head. worked out to this one this morning.

2. nin- [with_teeth]
yes, i know you're proud of my excellent musical taste

3. bond- explosive- the greatest hits
again- hadn't heard this group (though they posed for maxim...or stuff...or blender- one of the above, anyway- awhile back) before, but i liked their videos and the next thing i knew, i was blowing $14.99 on this cd.

*why is it you can't wear a pair of shoes more than once without socks without them attaining a level of funk that makes even george clinton jealous?

*it was settled this evening- cancun in june, ireland next summer, india the following year. i'm psyched to finally get some new cancellations on my passport.

and on that note, time to go wash my funky feet yet again....blech.

Monday, March 13, 2006

why do today what i can put off until tomorrow?

i'm my most productive when i'm procrastinating.

not only am i willing to admit it, but i'm also betting that at least half of my readership (both of you) suffers from the same sort of issues. (isn't everything an "issue" anymore? i mean, i have "clothing issues", "cooking issues", "sleeping issues", "blogging issues", "skin issues", "workout issues", and i'm pretty sure there are "issues" i don't even realize i have, which must be some sort of "issues issues".)

but i digress (which is, undoubtedly, another "issue".).....

while avoiding writing papers in college, i'd become not only a cleaning demon, but i would also read through every magazine in my possession (of course, this was necessary to determine which articles were worth keeping, and which ones needed to be tossed, which only aided in my cleaning mission), cook up at least three dishes, answer my mail (strangely enough, one of the tasks i'm currently avoiding is scribbling out a bunch of seriously overdue bithday cards), clean out my email inbox (i'm not quite up to that yet this time around), call everyone i've ever met (i once had a phone bill over $200. that pretty much sucked.), and, when i'd run out of other things to do, i'd go on a walk.

need to total up avon orders? that reminds me- i really need to repaint my toenails.

that pile of clean laundry currently threatening to fall off my rocking chair? might as well wash the rest of the dirty stuff and put it all away at once (preferably sometime next week).

scribble out birthday cards? well, let me buy more "belated" ones, which means i'll be heading to hallmark, which means i should clean off my desk and find my coupons so i can save a couple bucks.

and on that note, i must abandon this in search of whatever shade i have on my toes- guess that means i'll need to clean out the cabinet under my sink, which i might as well reorganize, and i might need a snack before undertaking a project of that enormousity, and artichoke stuffed mushrooms sound pretty good, though i'll need to go to the store for shrooms, and while i'm there, i might as well........

Sunday, March 12, 2006

who are you again?

as i mentioned a couple days ago, i did the unthinkable- i joined myspace.

i wasn't going to- i mean, i'm on friendster, and i have multiple blogs here, and i'm listed on just about every free college alumni page on the internet- but i was getting tired of invites from friends clogging up my inbox.

well, now instead of invites from friends, i'm getting messages from folks who want to sign me up for credit cards (what part of "no" do you not understand?), bands who want to be my friend (i liked it better back in the day- when folks just sent demos), and let's not forget the rather normal-looking guy last night who wanted to be my friend and when i clicked the link to see if he was a classmate of mine or something, i found something that was so completely unsafe for work (yeah- glad i clicked on that while on the innocent computer i've been checking my email on while babysitting this week) that i'm amazed i didn't immediately receive a call from dubya demanding to know why i was looking at such smut.


that said, i must admit i have spent time goofing around and searching for former classmates and what not- if for no other reason than to determine whether or not we're having a 10-year high school reunion this year. (i need this information for planning purposes- how much time to i have to become slim, gorgeous and filthy rich, just so every boy i ever had a crush on (and a few i didn't) will take one look and immediately regret not asking me out ten years ago. yeah- mature, i know.)

however, a problem has arisen.

i was having a hard time putting faces to names, so i grabbed one of my high school yearbooks last night for help.

well, i can (sort of) put faces to names now, but.....

who the hell are some of these folks?

i'm not just referring to people on myspace, but also (and this was very unsettling), as i was looking through the autographs/comments in my yearbook, i realized that i have not an inkling of who about 50% of my classmates are anymore.

do not give me a police lineup, because i'll fail miserably- unless, of course, we include every boy i had a crush on in high school, because i'm pretty sure i could pass that one with flying colors.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

lest you think i'd forgotten....

it's saturday again. (please note: we'll skip next week's edition, mostly because i'm assuming most of my reguar particiapants will still be feeling the effects of the irish spirit....make that spirits, actually.)

this week's first word is avquerso. please scroll through the comments to find yours, and don't forget to leave a new made-up word for the next person who stops by. thanks.

it's a mistake..... (wait- that sounds familiar)

i made a horrible, terrible, awful mistake the other day, which caused reality to bite me in the ass- hard.

as i mentioned before, i'm babysitting all week, which would be the setting for my horrible, terrible, awful mistake.

the family has one of those super-accurate digital scales. should you ever encounter one of these horrible creations, the best action you could take would be to pick up a long, blunt object (like a plunger, perhaps), wave it at this electronic abomination while saying in your most menacing voice, "you stay right there, you evil, misguided machine, or else i'll beat some sense into you with this...this....plunger!"

do not, under any circumstances, attempt to actually step on said scale, because it will only result in heartbreak and tears. (just go ahead and trust me on this.)

should you need more advice on this matter, you'll find me on the treadmill 24/7 for the next five weeks.

Friday, March 10, 2006

how bizarre... you haven't heard that song in awhile- and for good reason, too, as it was almost as annoying as the macarena which, to this day, i cannot hear without going into convulsions.

anyway, i found out last night that SO was potentially going to have a work-related run-in with an old (short-lived) flame of mine. i told him to be sure to thank him for dumping me for my bad taste in music.

(please note that i have since assured SO that he is very highly unlikely to meet any of my other former boyfriends.)


in other news, i must admit that i've sort of joined the herd.

i joined myspace.

don't get excited- i'm still blogging here, not there, but i figured that after the third invitation hit my inbox (from the third different person, no less), i should register, if only to put up another link to this blog.


today's contribution to my "idiots on wheels" series will be up tomorrow- just have to transfer the image from camera to laptop, and i'm far too lazy to tackle such an ambitious task this evening.

Thursday, March 09, 2006


well, i finally did it. you know my 15 rolls of film? not only have they been developed, but i managed to find my way over to target about a week and a half ago to retrieve them (remind me not to wait so long next time- that was a painful bill), and while i have yet to get the photos into an album (too ambitious a project for me right now), i have conquered the kodak program included on one of the photo cd-roms and can present some of my new brunswickian (technical term) photos to you, without going to the trouble of scanning things in. (actually, i have some really good ones that'll have to be scanned in later, but this should tide (get it? tide? as alf would say- i kill me!) you over until then.)

hopewell rocks, bay of fundy, new brunswick, canada (29 july 2005)

the formations have been carved by the tides, which are the highest in the world. (one day, i will go kayaking between the rocks at high tide. wanna join me?)
some of the more famous "flowerpot" formations

this is one of my favorite pictures from the trip- the contrast between the bright blue sky and the deep red rocks/mud was...breathtaking.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

mental meanderings

as usual, i have things to do, but i'm suffering from and complete and total utter lack of motivation. (i know, i know- these things never happen to you.)

so, rather than doing something constructive, lets talk about one of my favorite

i had the pleasure of hearing some long-lost favorites on the radio today, and i'm pleased to announce a couple of findings:

1. i still know every single word to "groove is in the heart", including the rap.
2. i am firmly convinced the rapper is q-tip, but i might be wrong about that, and sadly, i am unable to look it up, as i'm a good 10 miles away from my cd collection but hey wait a minute- isn't that what google's for?
3. i was totally right about number 2.

moving on.....

actually, i was going to somehow segue into "state of shock", which was going to, in turn, lead to a story from first grade, but then i got sidetracked somehow and found myself here, which, in turn, somehow led me to a grand canyon website, and the next thing i knew, an hour had gone by. oops.

however, i still have managed not to accomplish the stuff i really needed to, so i suppose in some bizarre, procrastinatory (is so a word) sort of way, all's well that ends well.

or something like that.....except for as far as axl's concerned, of course.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

you want me to go where?

not everything i write winds up published. some posts simply don't make the cut..... like the meditiations on the theory of love that i pounded in this morning. however, my former roomie was kind enough to send me a link to an article today that would have worked with the theme. since i'm not going to publish the whole post (it needs waaaaay too much tinkering), i will simply share that link with you. (feel free to venture over to her site to read the comment i left....i know she'd love to see some new faces over there.)

anyway, since i'm not writing about love today after all, i'm sure i can guess the question on the tip of your tongue.

...and the answer is......


(because, as we all know, you can never go wrong with tacos.)

no- actually, instead i'm going to entertain bore you with my thoughts on vehicles equipped with those "helpful" gps devices.

but first, on a semi-related note, i feel the need to share with you that i may have discovered the dimmest driver in the world.

no, wait- her driving wasn't the problem. it was the fact that her child (i'm guessing about 3 years old) was in the backseat of the car this evening, as i headed to my overnight babysitting gig after work, except when i say "backseat", i really mean the kid was crawling on that little ledge behind the seats...the one right under the rear window.

had i ever tried that, i am convinced that the car would have been stopped immediately, and not only would my behind wind up rather forcefully reunited with my carseat, but it'd also be pretty sore from having the stupidity beaten out of me.

but i'm straying from my intended path, as the gps system kept warning me today, though not in quite those words.

i was sent on a mission this afternoon. i headed out the door to run a couple of errands (sometimes the bank appreciates it if you put money into your account befpre trying to write checks to pay the bills), and foolishly walked back into the house to see if the ringing phone was SO.

i should have bolted.

i was assigned a last-minute task, and since i wasn't completely sure where i was going, i was introduced to my boss's fancy gps feature on the minivan.

the man living in her dashboard and i are not friends.

we put in the address before i left the house, and every ten feet, the gps guy (i didn't check for his cape, though i'm sure he has one) would offer up some new "helpful" advice, generally something to the effect of "turn left in a quarter mile".

however, gps guy hadn't realized i was going to make a few stops before reaching my destination. (i was on my way to pick up a dog, and since i'm not a dog person and really don't appreciate it when the dog is wandering all over the car, trying to crawl into my lap and help me steer, i figured i should minimize my time with the dog and try to get everything else taken care of first.)
this led to 34 cries of "make u turn if possible", which i'd really hoped would be alternated with "where do you think you're going, lady?" or "no! i said to turn back there! why don't you ever listen to me?", or, my number one preference- pouty silence.

no such luck. instead, it seems that gps guy likes to stew about things, and revenge came in the form with his obsession with directing me to use the back entrance (which, by the way, is "residents only" and features a gate that snaps shut right behind the car in front of you- no matter how many times you floor it and almost wind up in their backseat). it didn't help that i was in an unfamiliar area and everytime i thought the car was directing me back out to a familiar road i'd find myself staring at the "residents only" gate again.

i'm afraid i said some very impolite things to gps guy. in fact, i think i intimidated him, because right after i let out a rather creative (if i do say so, myself) combination of off-color words, gps guy magically changed the "suggested" route and led me to my intended destination.....

...where i picked up the dog who insisted upon standing on the passenger seat and leaning over and drooling on me and into my drink while i was driving and was even kind enough to switch the car into neutral while i was driving up a hill with people behind me (note to self: always pack an extra pair of underwear, just in case)- oh, and did i mention a cop was less than a block away from me during the aforementioned "incident"?

this, dear reader, is why i am a cat person who drives a cheap car- without the assistance of gps guy.

Monday, March 06, 2006

you can say that again.....

i found out how to do this

after a visit to cesca's blog.

make your own here.

ok- off to continue the debate over whether or not i'm sick enough to suffer through robitussin (which i'm guessing isn't fruit flavored. damn.)

come on, just five more minutes?


lack of sleep and this nasty cold are not making me a happy camper. i thought about taking the goop SO so kindly bought for me at the store, but i resist taking any sort of medicine, plus i'm sure it'll just make me sleepy, which isn't helpful when i'm about to go home, hop on the treadmill (which, in this instance, may be a euphemism for "take a nap", but i'm in workout clothes and i do move around a bit when i sleep.....), and then get on with my day.

yeah- i said "go home". it's time once again for one of my favorite yearly rituals (that's right- mardi gras! just kidding- i've only been once, and this year, i completely missed it. whoops. i guess you'll just have to look for me in 2007- i'll be the sober one with the beads.)

overnight babysitting.

i'm here all week, folks- try the veal, and don't forget to tip your waitress.

can i tell you how much it rocks to get paid to cook dinner, play board games, and sleep? (actually, i think i may have mentioned it around this time last year, come to think of it.)

Sunday, March 05, 2006

i'm it again?

just when i think i've lost all my readership due to infrequent blogging (sometimes sleep has to take priority, folks), i find that i've been tagged by kal.

here are the rules:
1. thank the person that tagged you.
2. list 5 random/strange/weird things about you.
3. tag 5 other people

1. merci beaucoup, kal.

2a. i will not put my head underwater without holding my nose.

2b. i've collected absolut vodka ads for the past 12 years. however, the one and only time i drank absolut, i woke up the next morning spread eagle on my bed (fully clothed- i don't strip when drunk, thank goodness) with a frying pan in my hand. i have had a significant amount to drink exactly once since then.....and frying pans were kept far out of my reach, probably as some sort of self-preservation measure.

2c. i rarely wear my contacts, mostly because my right one refuses to copperate unless i swear at it for a minimum of five minutes. however, if i'm taking pictures with my good camera, you can bet the contacts are in, simply because otherwise, all of my pictures would be out of focus.

2d. the biggest insult you could possibly hurl at me would be to call me an "adult". that "i'm a toys 'r' us kid" tune they had in all those commercials when i was little struck a nerve- i refuse to grow up.
1. i still enjoy jumping on trampolines.
2. ditto for rolling down hills.
3. i can't put on high-heeled shoes without feeling like i'm playing dress up in mama's closet.
4. my favorite stress reliever has always been blowing bubbles.
5. i'm far more comfortable in a room full of kids than i am in a room full of adults.

2e. i really miss being able to eat pistachios.

3. minta, raven, roomie, madge and jo.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

and one more thing....

the first word for this week's edition of sentence saturday is hornimification. (thanks, brico)

why i'm not a stand up comedian, pt.1

i've been working on a title for this for the past hour (starting when i hopped into my car this morning and couldn't seem to convince it to start. SO, of course, had absolutely no problem, further proving that some days i just shouldn't be behind the wheel, i guess.), and that ^ is the best i've been able to come up with so far- mostly because it's true.

i'm not a stand up comedian because i'm not good in front of people.

i know, i know- that may seem a little surprising, considering my weekend job. (i'm on from 10-3 today and tomorrow, in case you're interested.) however, when i'm in the studio, it's just me and a microphone (well, and the bratz doll who's currently missing not just a shoe, but her whole right foot, due to a design flaw, which sort of explains why she hasn't been able to shoot her rendition of "whip it" yet) and i can easily pretend that no one's listening, which is, quite basically, the only way i can do what i do because, sadly, i'm no longer four years old and fearless.

i was this way ten years ago, when i had to stand in front of my speech class (which, by some awful coincidence, included a bunch of popular people, which only served to make things even more nerve-wracking) every couple of weeks and try to remember to project, inform, entertain, and read my own last-minute scribbles which resisting the urge to run out of the room and hide in the girls' bathroom for the rest of the hour.

i liked the teacher, mrs. rogers, a great deal, but i dreaded that class. while it wasn't the worst class i took in high school (several math-based courses could probably take that honor, though i suppose i might be somewhat biased, since math and i have never been bosom buddies), i clearly recall dreading it on at least a biweekly basis.

my worst speech was the final one of the year- the "tribute" speech. this was the one where you were supposed to thank someone, and i recall writing mine about four people i considered to be my best friends.....

this assignment was notorious for causing female speakers to wind up in tears (because we're all emotional and stuff), and the entire time i spent scribbling out my index cards and finding quotable lines from the little prince, i resolved that i wouldn't fall into that particular trap.


i should have used the ol' "lost my voice" excuse to postpone the speech, and the thought crossed my mind, but i just couldn't do it, mostly because i think i'd whipped out that excuse a few weeks before for one of my other speeches.

which reminds me- do you have any idea how hard it is to spend an entire day trying to remember not to speak because you've supposedly lost your voice?

i actually had to be reminded a couple of times that day that i'd "lost my voice". whoops.

(next time i try that one, i'll have to time it so that i attend some sort of concert the evening before...since i can be a bit of a screamer, i'm sure i can just kick things up a notch and wake up the next morning with not only a bit of tinnitus (always a fun time there....ugh), but a raspy, nearly blown-out voice as well. when's duran duran's next tour? how about poison? think maybe U2 could swing back through town for me or something?)

what brought all this up? well, believe it or not, it came to me this morning, as i packed tea bags and honey to bring to work to battle my sore throat....the same sort of sore throat i faked to postpone a speech ten years ago.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

i and candy

that song has been stuck in my head for the past hour and a half, and i really feel the need to share the agony. feel free to thank me later.

i have a bunch of things i really need to write about- reflections on "love", the story of my answering machines (i asked SO to beat the new one with one of my shoes today, but he lacked the energy to venture into my closet and dig out my heaviest pair of doc martens), a brief essay on songs i've searched for for years, based on one verse (or, more often, a single line) that's stuck in my head.....

.....and while i have time left before tackling this evening's avon order, i also have a pretty challenging hike (and more, importantly, a good chance of being photographed in a bikini) in approximately six weeks...which, as i recall from my high school health class (see- i did pay attention, mr. ballard!), is the length of time i need to work out at least 1 1/2 hours/week in order to get into shape.

even more important than being able to look at my pictures post-trip without shrieking and whipping out scissors is getting this song out of my head, which i'm thinking might require the assistance of dave gahan (who, sadly, i recently found out is not only married, but now has a kid, and i don't seem to be a part of any of it).