Tuesday, March 07, 2006

you want me to go where?

not everything i write winds up published. some posts simply don't make the cut..... like the meditiations on the theory of love that i pounded in this morning. however, my former roomie was kind enough to send me a link to an article today that would have worked with the theme. since i'm not going to publish the whole post (it needs waaaaay too much tinkering), i will simply share that link with you. (feel free to venture over to her site to read the comment i left....i know she'd love to see some new faces over there.)

anyway, since i'm not writing about love today after all, i'm sure i can guess the question on the tip of your tongue.

...and the answer is......

tacos

(because, as we all know, you can never go wrong with tacos.)

no- actually, instead i'm going to entertain bore you with my thoughts on vehicles equipped with those "helpful" gps devices.

but first, on a semi-related note, i feel the need to share with you that i may have discovered the dimmest driver in the world.

no, wait- her driving wasn't the problem. it was the fact that her child (i'm guessing about 3 years old) was in the backseat of the car this evening, as i headed to my overnight babysitting gig after work, except when i say "backseat", i really mean the kid was crawling on that little ledge behind the seats...the one right under the rear window.

had i ever tried that, i am convinced that the car would have been stopped immediately, and not only would my behind wind up rather forcefully reunited with my carseat, but it'd also be pretty sore from having the stupidity beaten out of me.

but i'm straying from my intended path, as the gps system kept warning me today, though not in quite those words.

i was sent on a mission this afternoon. i headed out the door to run a couple of errands (sometimes the bank appreciates it if you put money into your account befpre trying to write checks to pay the bills), and foolishly walked back into the house to see if the ringing phone was SO.

i should have bolted.

i was assigned a last-minute task, and since i wasn't completely sure where i was going, i was introduced to my boss's fancy gps feature on the minivan.

the man living in her dashboard and i are not friends.

we put in the address before i left the house, and every ten feet, the gps guy (i didn't check for his cape, though i'm sure he has one) would offer up some new "helpful" advice, generally something to the effect of "turn left in a quarter mile".

however, gps guy hadn't realized i was going to make a few stops before reaching my destination. (i was on my way to pick up a dog, and since i'm not a dog person and really don't appreciate it when the dog is wandering all over the car, trying to crawl into my lap and help me steer, i figured i should minimize my time with the dog and try to get everything else taken care of first.)
this led to 34 cries of "make u turn if possible", which i'd really hoped would be alternated with "where do you think you're going, lady?" or "no! i said to turn back there! why don't you ever listen to me?", or, my number one preference- pouty silence.

no such luck. instead, it seems that gps guy likes to stew about things, and revenge came in the form with his obsession with directing me to use the back entrance (which, by the way, is "residents only" and features a gate that snaps shut right behind the car in front of you- no matter how many times you floor it and almost wind up in their backseat). it didn't help that i was in an unfamiliar area and everytime i thought the car was directing me back out to a familiar road i'd find myself staring at the "residents only" gate again.

i'm afraid i said some very impolite things to gps guy. in fact, i think i intimidated him, because right after i let out a rather creative (if i do say so, myself) combination of off-color words, gps guy magically changed the "suggested" route and led me to my intended destination.....

...where i picked up the dog who insisted upon standing on the passenger seat and leaning over and drooling on me and into my drink while i was driving and was even kind enough to switch the car into neutral while i was driving up a hill with people behind me (note to self: always pack an extra pair of underwear, just in case)- oh, and did i mention a cop was less than a block away from me during the aforementioned "incident"?

this, dear reader, is why i am a cat person who drives a cheap car- without the assistance of gps guy.

4 comments:

chuckawucka said...

And how proud am I in (hopefully) avoiding this GPS problem - I don't like and hope to never drive. Whee!

On another note, it seems that Britney Spears has spawned a new national trend - danger babies. Now its cool to risk the life of your kid by not keeping them in the confines of the babyseat.

Bleh.

Osbasso said...

Whoa! I live in Helena and just read that article myself! I'm thinking about moving to Anaconda and seeing what the ladies there can do for me!

Callie said...

Yeah - I refuse to get GPS guy. I mean, I get pissed enough with my husband telling me where to go, and I love him. GPS guy would last about 2 seconds before I'd rip his electronic heart out and leave him dead on the side of the road.

Joefish said...

"So I was writing my meditations on the theory of love, but then decided not to let you read it."

You're such a tease. Meanie!