i can totally explain.....

....the bruise on my derriere, which is undoubtedly huge.*

it's quite simple, really- there was this huge snake in the yard as i was weeding today, and since i'm scared of snakes and their menacingly pointy teeth, i scaled the nearest tree in an attempt to flee, but then the snake followed me up the tree, and i did this smooth flip as i jumped out of the tree and landed on my feet, and then i took off running and the best the snake could do was, uh, head-butt my extreme upper thigh area.

not buying it? crap- i'll have to tinker with my story some more. i'd go with the tried and true "there were these three huge guys at the bar", but that only works when my audience is unaware of the fact that i don't drink enough for it to even count, really.

i suppose, as usual, the truth is far more believable and far less glamorous:
there i was, trying to teach my 4-year-old sidekick to rollerblade, and i wound up coming down the driveway a little too fast, tried to spin into a stop, kept spinning, and wound up stopping only after totally losing my balance and landing hard on my butt.

perhaps i should work on that snake story a little more.......

*i was referring to the bruise.....while sir mix-a-lot would not kick me to the curb, i am please to report one does not need a wide-angle lens to photograph my back end.