Sunday, November 27, 2005

a letter to grandpa

Dear Grandpa,

Daddy came home tonight after visiting you at the hospital and said that you've spent most of the day screaming that you "can't do it". I know it must be scary as hell to have an active mind inside a dying body, but Grandpa, I'm afraid there isn't any way to keep the cancer from winning this battle. It's already in your lungs, your bladder, and probably a few other places the doctor's have yet to find, and there's nothing that can be done to take it away.

I know you're in pain. I could hear it the other night when I called over to the hospital to see if Daddy was still in your room with you. At first, I thought maybe the screams I heard were from someone out in the hallway, but then I realized they were your screams. How Grandma Lucile can keep it together while listening to you in such pain is beyond me. (I'm sure when no one's looking, she sheds quite a few tears....just as i did the first time i saw you curled up in your hospital bed, small and vulnerable like a person at the other end of their lifespan.)

It's okay to let go of the pain, Grandpa. Only after you let go of yours can we let go of ours.

Love,

Your eldest granddaughter

9 comments:

Motherdear said...

Oh, duff...how sad. Can I help?
*Hugs*

MamaKBear said...

OMG you made me cry!

I'm SO relating to this right now, except it's my father-in-law, not my Grandpa that's in the hospital battling diabetes and cancer that's spread to the brain and God knows where else.

I know just how you feel. :(

Hugs!!

Footprint said...

duff, my grandmother died of cancer. it's all too familiar. thanks for sharing.

just thinking said...

:(

.: raven :. said...

this made me cry girl ...

(((((( hugs ))))))

my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family ....

bricotrout said...

my grandfather passed on in the same way duff. im afraid to say i know exactly how you feel. im so sorry.

just thinking said...

still hoping you're ok duff ...

bbsgirl said...

Duff...that is an awesome letter you wrote. I didn't know, I haven't stopped by in awhile..I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I'll keep you all in prayer.

Dirty Gypsy said...

Add me to the list of criers, Duff. The letter is very moving, and I feel for you. I hope you're doing alright. For what it's worth, I'll be saying a prayer for your Grandpa tonight. And for you.