Tuesday, November 29, 2005

up, up and away

this is my first post composed on an airplane. (have i mentioned how much i’m digging my new toy yet? unfortunately, i do not dig whatever feature on my word processor is responsible for automatically capitalizing things. however, i have an hour and a half to figure out how to disable it.)

anyway, i feel compelled to write this for several reasons:

reason one: my plane won’t land in columbia until around 11:30 p.m., which means i won’t get home until well after midnight- especially if my bags don’t magically appear at the baggage claim by approximately 11:45.

reason two: i have an hour and a half to kill- and i plowed through the latest issues of both details and self in record time, during my last flight.

reason three: otherwise, i might actually have to write my holiday letter during this flight.

reason four: i had a really good layover, and need to start typing before the phrase “cougar bar” eludes me.

one moment, please, while i figure out where to begin…and de-capitalize a few things……….[insert stimulating “hold” music here- i’m thinking perhaps the muzak version of “head like a hole”, personally]

so after waking up this morning to a call from my sibling (i assume she wanted to make sure her birthday was remembered….and, oh, sibling….just you wait. i’ve got a little something up my sleeve, just won’t have the time to construct a proper tribute before the weekend), i lounged in bed for about an hour and a half and polished off the one book i brought along on my trip. (not the best book i’ve read all year, but decent enough to spend an hour and a half with.)

after finishing the book and stumbling upstairs for a shower, i reemerged to the news that, despite dad’s threats to put it away for the winter last evening, the miata was out in the driveway and ready to play.

woo-freakin’ hoo!

so, where do i take this lovely little sportscar? to the hospital, of course. (grandpa was moved back to his apartment this afternoon.) i had time to waste after my arrival, so the miata (i wonder if, like the rest of the family cars, it has a name) and i drove over to this giant shopping area near dad’s house so i could return a pair of jeans that wasn’t exactly constructed for my body. oh…and we picked up a few things at Victoria’s secret, which means those evil bras at home with the roaming underwires are as good as gone..

so anyway, that taken care of, the miata and i headed back to the hospital, then to the apartment to get grandpa settled and tell him goodbye.

back at the house, i took care of most of my packing in about five minutes, then daddy and i hopped into the car (sadly, not the miata), and headed to the store for the holiest of grails- jeans that fit.

three pairs and a sweatshirt later (brace yourself- there’s pink on it), we headed back home, where more worldly possessions were tossed into bags, and kathie and i headed off to the airport, while daddy headed back to the apartment to get this whole hospice care thing straightened out.

half an hour (and the near abandonment of a gnome) after arriving at the airport, i wandered onto the packed airplane. Since i now have three carry-ons (backpack, computer, and camera), i was a little uneasy when i realized that my window seat at the back of the plane featured what was quite possibly the smallest under-the seat storage area on the whole damned plane. however, i inherited the ability to stuff things into small spaces (thanks, mama), and i managed to stuff both my computer and backpack into that tiny little space, and then sort of hid my camera bag next to my leg so a cranky stewardess wouldn’t yell at me for having something unsecured. i also managed to impress the friendly canadian guy (who I’ll call “herb” for posting purposes) sitting in the aisle.

i don’t normally talk to other people on airplanes, mostly because 99% of the time, i wind up sitting next to either a self-absorbed female and/or a screaming child (it’s a gift, what can i say?) but herb and i began chatting about the various merits of kansas city, where we were from, where we were headed, et cetera…until he came along. Just when I figured we’d wind up with an empty seat between us, this big dude comes strolling down the aisle…all the way back to our row. okay…that conversation was pretty much over at that point. i dove into my magazines (to the person who had 21 f after me- you’re welcome), herb tried to catch a few winks, and the dude in the middle commenced coughing up phlegm and wiggling around so that we could all enjoy the faint smell of smoke emanating from his clothing.

the beverage service came around, and i switched from my usual bloody mary mix (i like tomato juice with a little kick) to cranberry juice, which sent the stewardess scurrying for ice after apologizing for my half-empty can. around this time, i noticed herb was awake and looking a little bored, so i breezed through details (no articles from augusten burroughs or anderson cooper this time- what’s up with that?), and passed it over to him.

the favor was returned several fold when he bought me dinner over at burger king during our layover. (the veggie burger’s surprisingly tasty, by the way.) of course, I was too busy talking to eat…..sometimes that happens.
oh- i really should mention a little piece of musical trivia i learned tonight. i knew love and rockets was formed by members of bauhaus, but had never really looked into the specifics of that little tidbit. herb enlightened me- everyone except peter murphy was in love and rockets. i never knew. (i’d never realized peter murphy was in bauhaus either, so i guess i’m still not ready to go up against mark mcgrath in musical jeopardy……maybe one day.)

anyway, herb and i wandered all over the detroit airport, found his gate (which was on the way to mine), where he learned of the postponement of his flight home), then mine, talking all the while.

you’ll love this part.

when we got to my gate, i walked up to the desk to inquire about my flight- make sure i was in the right place and whatnot, as i’d really rather wind up in columbia tonight, instead of…say…the bahamas. (that’s only because i don’t have a bathing suit packed, though.) not thirty seconds after i was assured that i was, in fact, in the right place, the airline representative i’d just spoken to gets on the loudspeaker and says that my flight will be departing from a gate at the other end of the earth.


there's about another half hour worth of conversation left to relate, but since the plane's touching down soon, let me summarize:

~cougar bars
~the perils of washington, dc after dark
~various sitcoms we know and love
~my life story, parts 12 and 13

yeah, that pretty much covers it. now, wanna place a bet on how long it's going to take to locate my luggage?


Joefish said...

My head is full of magic, baby
And I can't share this with you
The feel I'm on top again, baby
It's got everything to do with you.

Ooh, ooh, so alive...

I haven't thought of Love and Rockets for years. Thanks. :)

Joefish said...

As the only commenter, I feel like this post is just for me.

Motherdear said...

Joey, you feel like EVERYTHING is just for you, babe!