not excited in the least*

it was too late to tell you about this last night, but would you pass up the opportunity to go here?

my butt's hitting the treadmill, beginning tomorrow.

*i swear. no, really, i do. &^%$! #$*&!

fourplay*

*that reminds me- i need to buy a couple of jazz cds next time i'm at the store....which won't be for a while, since i can only afford to set foot in such an establishment once every four to six months.

but we're not here to talk about jazz...we're here to....well...uh...

ah, yes- i need to share something i found over at osbasso's place:

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:

*athletic attic employee
(it's okay if you've never heard of athletic attic- just for feet bought us, overexpanded, and then the whole thing went down like the titanic. still, i can blame my tennis shoe habit on that job and its 40% discount.)

*radio dj
(this, of course, is my favorite out of all the jobs i've held. i've "done" top 40, modern rock/alternative, classic rock, classical/jazz (that one was an npr affiliate in college)....)

*preschool teacher
(i've always gotten along better with kids than with grownups, and i firmly believe that before having kids, every prospective parent should be required to work for at least a month in some sort of childcare environment.....imagine what that could do for the teen pregnancy rate....)

*avon lady
(my most unlikely pastime, since i only wear makeup once a year and- let's face it- i'm just not that girly.)

FOUR MOVIES YOU WOULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:

*real genius
*the princess bride
*the crow
*young guns II

FOUR PLACES YOU HAVE LIVED:

*cheyenne, wyoming
(birth-age 1 or 2)

*thornton, colorado
(whenever we left wyoming-two months before my 4th birthday)

*woodlawn (outside baltimore), maryland
(may 1992-july 2002- we moved a week before i turned 14)

*kansas city, missouri
(high school, as well as being my "home base" during college, when i actually lived in maryville, missouri)

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:

if i had the free time, i'd plop down in front of:

*any of the law & order shows
*my name is earl
*the a-team (i have the first two seasons on dvd
*greg the bunny (also on dvd- that show was underrated)

FOUR PLACES YOU HAVE BEEN ON VACATION:

*barcelona, spain (with mama)
*prince edward island, canada (with mama and SO)
*arizona (all over the place with SO, though the bottom of the grand canyon is a a highlight)
*disneyworld (twice) and disneyland (once)

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:

*artichokes (big surprise)
*baja burro from macayo's (with baja sauce, of course)
*crabs
*cheese

FOUR PLACES YOU WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:

are you kidding? i'm at the radio station- there's very few places i'd rather be!

who's next?

sentence saturday

yes, folks, it's time once again for that weekly tradition- sentence saturday. the first word this week is knaflo, courtesy of lbseahag. scroll through the comments to find your word, make a sentence with it, and then please leave a made-up word for the next person to use...

...and while you wait for someone else to take the baton, check out this post you missed.
....and perhaps you'd like to tackle this challenge.
....and watch this.
...and listen to me here.

the dating game

so, i've been thinking.....i know, i know- a very dangerous thing to be doing, especially at this time of night. anyway, after a recent conversation with my old roomie, i feel it's time to revisit an old topic- well, sort of.

i was asked for advice on writing a personal ad....which is something i've never seriously had to do. that got me to thinking about what i'd put into a personal ad for myself. i mean, would i go for something short but sweet:

date me!
i'm no troll. ***-****

or something a little more...specific:

date me!
i'm no troll, and you shouldn't be one either.
***-****

after all, a girl's gotta have her standards.*

anyway, a little something to slack off with on a friday- if you were to write a personal ad about yourself, what would it say?

*name that movie...anyone? anyone?

the importance of clean underwear

one day, i will learn to shut my big mouth.

in high school, i vividly recall having a conversation about stitches and broken bones on the bus on the way to a wrestling meet. i was the only one who'd experienced neither.

less than six hours later, as i ran down a flight of stairs, i skipped a few, tripped on a couple more, and wound up bleeding profusely from my mouth and eyebrow.

13 stitches and a shattered tooth later (we're talking dangling by the nerve here, people), i decided to keep my mouth shut when it came to things i'd never done before.

after today, i know not to mention those negative sort of "only once" incidents, either.

a good friend and i met up for lunch yesterday before our sexual harassment meeting at work. (post to follow- i'm still practicing my "elevator eyes") during lunch, i happened to mention i'd been unable to figure out how to work my hazard lights until a couple of months ago, when i used them while parked in a loading zone. (for those of you following along at home, that makes once.)

make that twice

"but, duff," you ask, "is that your car parked on the wrong side of the road?"

yes, dear. yes it is. you see, when one's making a turn, and one's steering abilities as well as the vehicle's willingness to move in a forward-type motion call it quits mid-arc, one may possibly find themselves in the left lane.*

"duff," you inquire, "are your flashers on?"

correct again there, darlin'. when one's car winds up stalled in an unintended location, it is customary to flip the switch and let others know that you are not a bad driver with poor parking skills, but that your temperamental car is, in fact, the problem. (i've always been a big fan of the "when in doubt, blame the inanimate object" line of thinking.)

being the non-religious sort, it takes something major to drag me into a church- someone else's marriage or funeral, or...uh...well, that's about it- and this event qualified, mostly because it was a case of either knock on their door or else the door of the house my car wound up sort of unintentionally parked in front of....and who knows what sort of folks live there. i mean, the neighborhood seems nice enough, but it's be just my luck to wind up in front of some meth lab or crack house or something. (let's face it- my day was already going really well, so it didn't seem unreasonable to fear getting shot for knocking on the wrong door and asking to use the phone.

so anyway, into the church i went. i made sure to finish my various impolite exclamations before reaching the building, just because i figured letting a string of expletives out inside the building would probably lessen my chances of being able to use the phone in this pace of worship. (i suppose the threat of lightening on an otherwise clear day would probably be a concern of some folks, too.)i made three four calls- my boss (to explain why i was running late as well as beg for a ride to work), my mechanic (to make sure he'd be able to tend to my car asap), triple a (thank goodness i upped my coverage this year), and, when all else was said and done, to SO (so he'd know of my plight and feel compelled to cheer me up with tacos later.)

my day by the numbers:

pairs of clean underwear i left the house with: 1
pairs that would have remained clean had i wound up in front of oncoming traffic: 0
avon deliveries i was going to make: 5 groups
number made: 1 (because she came and picked it up)
number of unsuccessful attempts to reach my mechanic: 3
successful attempts: 1 (finally!)
number of miles my car can be towed for free with my super-deluxe triple a membership: 100
number of miles between my car's initial location and the mechanic's shop: 26

number of times the car started for me after the stall: 0
number of times it started for the tow truck driver: 0
number of times the car "started right up" for my mechanic: 2
number of times the tow truck driver called me "sweetheart": 5
"honey": 3
"darlin'": 4
some other term of affection: at least 6
number of tacos bought by my sympathetic SO: 0
number of artichokes bought at the grocery store instead: 4

*british readers, of course, are excluded, as you folks think it's silly for us to drive on the wrong side of the road anyway.

this just in...(pt. two)

i have a "real" post to write, but need to get this unrelated item off my chest first.

i have heard many mumblings wondering about the disappearance of my sibling's blog. while i initially thought it was merely for petty reasons, it turns out that something pretty scary happened as a result of something innocent (or so i thought) that i posted.

it seems that when i wrote the last post involving my sibling, i'd overlooked the ability of some folks out there with way too much free time on their hands to pinpoint a person's exact location based upon their i.p. address.

so, sorry, kiddo- i hadn't thought about the possibility of someone stalking you through your i.p. address.

i have been informed that her blog is toast...gone...a done deal, which is a bit of a shame. (i hope this doesn't mean freud's breaking up with me. i mean, i was picking out china and everything.) however, knowing my sibling, she'll be back in some form, whether she's commenting on friends' blogs or helping freud solve life's little problems....and when she does return, i hope everyone treats her with the respect she deserves.

oh, and blogstalker who scared my little sister: back the fuck off, dude. she's got enough going on without having to worry about you jumping out from behind her bushes and whatnot.

-----------------------

oh, and let me just say that this person needs to back away from the computer and find naked people his own age to look at:

ppp-71-133-178-101.dsl.skt2ca.pacbell.net (Pppox Pool - Bras3.skt2ca 082304-0107)
California, Modesto, United States, 0 returning visits

26th January 2006
09:28:00 PM
www.duffsrandommusings.blogspot.com/

search.msn.com/results.aspx?srch=105&q=pics of 11 year olds in shower&first=11&FORM=PORE

dude- please. just back away from the computer and go to your local strip joint, if you must. at least those girls won't land your butt in jail.

(less bitchy post to follow- i promise.)

two top 10s for the price of one

why on earth is the title "young turks", when the line in the song is "young hearts be free tonight?"

(okay, duff, where the heck did that come from?)

one of our sister stations flipped formats a few months ago, and now instead of "lite" music, they're playing mostly 80's stuff.

translation for the non-radio folks in the audience: one of the other stations in our building, is playing better music than the nap-inducing tunes of their past.

anyway, since i'm a bit of an 80s music nerd (the one category at which i dominate when playing the 80s version of trivial pursuit), i have to admit i've been listening a lot lately. (actually, i bounce back and forth between about three stations, but i usually wind up on steve-fm.)

in fact, perhaps i've been listening a little too much, as in the past month, i've found myself singing in the car (and drawing stares from the folks next to me- and not just when i'm picking my nose) a little too frequently lately. however, it's totally not my fault.

the songs i sing along to seem to fall into two categories:

ten songs i've known all the words to for years

1. "shake your love"- debbie gibson
out of the blue was the first tape i ever bought. i played it constantly
...yet i don't have it on cd. go figure.

2. "take on me"- a-ha
yeah, yeah- this one should come as no surprise. i know all the words, but can't hit all the notes.

3. "livin' on a prayer"- bon jovi
the second tape i ever bought was slippery when wet

4. "daydream believer"- the monkees
in the mid-80s, the monkees made a bit of a comeback. (i know, i know- no one else remembers "the new monkees", complete with the giant mouth named helen. however, everyone remembers the originals.) we watched a lot of monkees reruns on tv- how harsh reality was- i still remember thinking those shows were new and that mickey was old enough to be my big brother, not my....dad- and consequently learned most of the songs. when i'm in the mood for a semi-"quiet" song, this is the one for me. (sadly, i was never the homecoming queen...heck, i never had a date to a dance during my high school career...but that's another matter.)

5. "heaven is a place on earth"- belinda carlisle
yeah, i bought the heaven on earth cassette- played the heck out of it, too. while the song's no longer a favorite, singing along is a bit of a reflex, whih brings me to...

6. "the reflex"- duran duran
i thought about putting down "i don't want your love", because that was actualy the first duran duran song i recall noticing on the radio, and i know all the words (to the entire freaking album, but the original, unremixed version of the "reflex" shows up on the radio more often, which means i have more chances to sing along....or something like that.

7. "the promise"- when in rome
remember when you were younger and used to tape songs off the radio, and sometimes the tape would end partway through a song? i had dozens of tapes, and one of them featured the first verse of this song...and then silence. it took me years (seriously- these things really bother me) to figure out what the song was. i mean, i knew the first line after the cutoff, and that was it. i finally found out the answer during my lunch break one weekend at my high school job. after finding the song on a cd (sadly, it was only a compilation), i played it enough times in a row to ensure i'd never forget the words again.

yeah, i'm a little odd like that.

8. "karma chameleon"- culture club
a. for the longest time, i thought it was "comma, chameleon"
b. for even longer, i thought boy george liked girls- he was just...flamboyant

9. "we built this city"- starship
we used to rollerskate to this every wednesday night. singing along gave me something to do while practicing my killer limbo technique.

10. anything off of kick, listen like thieves, the swing, shabooh shoobah, or x by inxs
i know them all...still

and the other category:

ten songs i don't know all the words to yet, so i only look half insane because people in other cars can't tell i'm humming anything not included in the chorus

1. "i'm your boogie man"- kc & the sunshine band
though i heard the white zombie version first (okay- liked it first), i find myself singing along to the chorus of the original, too. still haven't picked up all the other lines, so i get to practice humming in my funkiest style, too.

2. "walking on broken glass"- annie lennox
i know, i know- it was big in 1992, but the station doesn't play just 80s music....

3. "kyrie"- mr. mister
i really need to look up the lyrics to this, as i have no idea what they're saying after her name. none whatsoever.

4. "you got it (the right stuff)"- new kids on the block
just kidding- i know every word to this- still. (don't laugh, or i'll have to break out my jordan t-shirt)

5. "what's on your mind (pure energy)"- information society
actually, i only have to hum the instrumental parts, for the most part.

6. "whatever the song was i had to listen to twelve times in a row last week to learn the first verse....yet now i have no clue what it was i had to keep repeating."
crap- guess i'll have to wait for the station to play it again. (i hate when that happens.)

7. "so in love"- omd
i've got "if you leave covered, but i'm still manage to muddle this one regularly.

8. "electric blue"- icehouse
see? finally got that one straight. now, if i could just get the rest of the words....

9. "now that we found love"- heavy d & the boyz
it's been rumored that heavy's actually lost weight. every time i hear this song, i thionk about that instead of paying attention to the lyrics....except the chorus, of course- everyone knows that part.

and that brings me back to....

10. "young turks"- rod stewart
i only know the chorus, which doesn't match the title, and i tend to spend most of the song trying to figure out the logic behind that.

you searched for what??? (part xvi-ish)

have i ever told you how easily amused i am? really? i haven't? are you sure you weren't just tuning me out and watching my lips move or something?

well, i am- which is why i get such an odd thrill every time i open up my statcounter account and see little tidbits like this:

15th January 2006 02:54:57 PM www.duffsrandommusings.blogspot.com/
search.yahoo.com/search?ei=utf-8&fr=slv1-&p=hilary duff naked%2c with nothing on pics

so this querier (is that a word? it is now.) from kentucky not only wants to see hilary duff naked, but he (she?) also wants to make sure she's not wearing anything in these naked pics.

wow. that almost made too much sense. what doesn't really make sense, though, is how i managed to come in third on this one. i mean, really. i always make sure i have something on.

butt kissed cheerfully happy bunny

it may sound odd, but i actually know why this search pointed to this blog. i took this quiz last month, and, big surprise, i wound up with the "kiss my ass happy bunny" as my result.

like i said: big surprise

interesting combination to search for though, isn't it?

doing stuff while babysitting

i'm sixth- sixth! does google not realize i am a babysitter extraordinaire and, therefore, should show up in at least the top five of any babysitting-related search results? (well, except for the kinky ones- i'm afraid i couldn't tell you squat about grown men who like to wear diapers and suck on pacifiers.)

oh...the searches i just fell into with that one..... *cringing*

numa numa dance from canyon teachers

i...
uhm...
...what's a "canyon teacher"?

somehow, i'm third on msn for what does the aerosmith cd look like, which is completely normal, compared to a rather disturbing trend i just noticed:

Oklahoma, Norman, United States, 0 returning visits

16th January 2006 01:43:00 PM

duffsrandommusings.blogspot.com/2005/12/but-girls-dont-really-poop-do-they.html

search.blogger.com/?q="public bathroom" poop&hl=en&filter=0&ui=blg

Missouri, Chesterfield, United States, 0 returning visits

16th January 2006 01:14:16 PM
duffsrandommusings.blogspot.com/2005/12/but-girls-dont-really-poop-do-they.html

search.blogger.com/?q=%22public bathroom%22 poop&hl=en&filter=0&ui=blg

i go for months without such a search, and suddenly two like-minded folks in different states not only perform the search, but follow the link to me? suddenly, i feel so dirty.

quick- let's find something slightly more pleasant, like:

elmo gone evil

which leads you to me through one of my better posts, though i don't recall writing about elmo's connections to satan......

short love notes to wife

i didn't really tackle this topic, though i certainly advocate such behavior...and since i'm not sporting any jewelry of significance, notes to me are also encouraged....might i suggest leaving them on my car? (it was worth a shot.)

what do dreams about snakes mean

i'm the sixth result for this one (and i just loooove how my abbreviated entry starts out with "don't fart"), yet i don't have any sort of answers for you, despite owning a copy of freud's the interpretation of dreams. perhaps i'll be a little more helpful someday...after i've actually opened the book.

Wyoming, Greybull, United States, 0 returning visits
20th January 2006
07:48:03 PM
www.duffsrandommusings.blogspot.com/
search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=hilary duff in shower&first=11&FORM=PORE

guess there's not a lot to do in greybull, wyoming.
in a disturbing turn, i come up third, behind, well, click the links and see for yourself.

i can't end this edition of "you searched for what???" with that, so instead, let's end it with this:

which papper towel holds the most pennies

not only am i thrilled to show up on the first page of results, but i'm also pleased to report that, for quite possibly the first time ever, i'm not the one who made the spelling error.

yes, reader, i am doing a victory dance as we speak....err....you read.

this just in....

a round of applause for my 25-year old sibling,



who just happens to be responsible for my 25,000th pageload.
as you can see, she's slightly embarrassed to be caught looking at her older (and significantly less cooler) sister's blog, but i have proof:

(Comcast Cable Communications Inc)
Maryland, Columbia, United States, 0 returning visits

22nd January 2006
12:11:22 AM
www.duffsrandommusings.blogspot.com/No referring link
22nd January 2006
01:17:35 AM
www.duffsrandommusings.blogspot.com/No referring link
22nd January 2006
04:23:23 PM
www.duffsrandommusings.blogspot.com/No referring link

at the rate i'm going, we should be celebrating (because only losers celebrate alone) 50,000 by next thanksgiving or so.....

a little of this...a little of that

so there i was this morning, just about to awkwardly ask mark mcgrath if he'd like to, you know, maybe hang out sometime (yes, that's pretty much how i was phrasing it in my head), and suddenly the psychadelic furs began to play, and it was time to get up roll over and hit snooze.

sadly, i was unable to reconjure up the image of mark mcgrath sitting next to me at what i think may have been my upcoming high school reunion (though that doesn't quite explain why herb tarlek, snappily dressed in some sort of plaid polyester getup, kept trying to make out with me on a rock ledge), so i guess we'll never know if

a. i'd actually manage to get up the nerve to talk to him and
b. i'd be able to do it without sounding like a complete dork (unlikely) and
c. he'd actually agree to, you know, maybe hang out sometime.

but just in case, i need to study all the musical trivial pursuit questions from both the genus and 80s editions, just because i remember his uncanny ability to answer every freaking question on rock n'roll jeopardy when i was in college (yes, that's what did it for me- though the adam ant cover was also a factor)....but i digress.

for some reason, i'm in a "random bits of pop culture" sort of mood today (yeah- try to find that on your $5 mood ring, why don't you?), so forgive me if i'm a little long-winded and boring (well, i mean more than usual).

before i move on, i found this through a friend of a friend's blog yesterday.

i almost hate to admit this, but:

1. he doesn't look half bad in slightly-disheveled formalwear
2. he has a pretty decent voice
3. i've watched this video 20 times in the past 24 hours

okay, moving on.....

as i mentioned, that rite of passage is quickly approaching- well, maybe.*

i've spent the past (almost) ten years sort of sketching out in the back of my mind how our ten year reunion will work out:

who: park hill high school's class of 1996

what: ten year reunion

where: i haven't quite sorted out this part yet, though i'm thinking it'll be in the school gym...

when: early evening, like in the movie

who'll be there: a few key former classmates (the "in" crowd, the guy i sort of sometimes dated in high school (i believe i offered to take him with me, though, knowing him, he'll decline), every boy i ever had a crush on who wouldn't give me the time of day (hell, that's a good ten percent of the school right there),and people i actually hung out with), mark mcgrath (as of this morning), andy clark, john bender, and about half of this cast.

my date will be: actually, i'm undecided on that one. sometimes, it's a random celebrity boyfriend, sometimes, it's a more "romy and michele" setup with my best friend, and sometimes i just make an entrance by myself and the whole room stops in awe of my...awesomeness.

(note: that last option is highly unlikely, especially since i've never been the type to intentionally "make an entrance". i'm far more likely to hide out somewhere and try to blend in as best as possible....sort of like my first day at park hill, when i knew absolutely no one and was all set to just spend lunch hiding out in the cafeteria bathroom**)

i'll be rich and famous by the time my ten year reunion comes around, and did i mention i'd also be such an incredible hottie that every attractive, unmarried male at this gathering (and perhaps a few of the married ones, as well) will attempt to flirt shamelessly with me? of course, i'll be too engaged in conversation with my witty, handsome, charming date to pay any attention to their desperate pleas for my attention.

right.

in order for that to happen, i have probably about six months to suddenly become rich, famous, and drop-dead gorgeous....and figure out how to get val kilmer to fall madly in love with me.

time to come up with a plan b. i'm thinking it'd be almost as glamorous to have to miss the reunion because i'm out of the country on an african safari or music video shoot or, hell, even an international book tour would do.....

while i work on that (or, more likely, a somewhat more realistic "plan c"), let's move on to something else.....

like this.

...and of course i'm wearing the shirt in honor of his birthday today....which is probably not behavior that would attract every man in the room at my upcoming reunion, but i'm pretty sure at least mark mcgrath would understand.
----------------------------------------
*i say "maybe" because i haven't actually heard that it's officially happening. perhaps we'll just skip it this year and hold out for a fifteenth reunion instead.

**whoops- meant to save that one for postsecret. damn.

lions camels and tigers and bears elephants...oh my!

i'll admit it- i missed out on many of those childhood rituals: first playstation (well, actually, we had colecovision and intellivision, so i can't really complain too much), first trip to neverland (okay, fine, but can disneyworld really hold a candle to watching movies in michael jackson's private theater? i think not.), first trip to the circus....

yeah- you read that right. i never went to the circus as a kid...and davy jones is totally to blame for it, too.*

however, this isn't the time or the place to discuss why my sibling's favorite monkee is responsible for depriving me of the joy of going to my first circus, nor is it the time or place to ponder why my sibling always got away with so much more than i could even attempt...i mean, really, did she ever get grounded? ever? if i had any money, it'd all be on "no".

but i digress.

my 27-year streak was ruined the other night (cirque du soleil a couple of years ago doesn't count, mostly because the performance lacked both animals and naked peta protestors), thanks to my ever-helpful SO, who called me at work and asked if i wanted four passes to the circus....which i gave to my bosses, except one of them didn't feel up to going, and the other wasn't too thrilled by the prospect of dealing with two very excited children by herself.

so, somehow, i found myself at the circus.

superman should be popping out of there at any moment.


at least three of the animals shown in this picture relieved themselves during their acts. i didn't think i'd ever see this much sawdust outside of a lumberyard.


around the time of this photo, there were some dancing girls hanging out at each end of the arena while the action was in the rings. one of the guys was impressed enough with these girls that he kept zooming in on their derrieres with his digital videocamera. he also zoomed in on the girls at the other end of the arena, but given the speed at which he zoomed back out again, i'm assuming he wasn't impressed.


one of the benefits of sitting in the nosebleed section: circus equipment provides "instant framing".


"i will not slide off this elephant. i will not slide off this elephant. i will not...wait a minute- i think i'm moving....help!"


bello the clown on the left, and some hottish (i was in the nosebleed section, people!) acrobat-type performer with a death wish on the right.


the grand finale. the performers at the lower right were "sky surfers"...i guess it's no longer cool to call yourself a "trapeze artist".

a couple other interesting things i learned at the circus:

~be sure to sell the kidney before you come to the show, because cotton candy will cost you almost as much as an internal organ.(no, i didn't get any.) as for the boiled peanuts...well, do you still have your spleen?

~taking a camera with an actual zoom-type feature would be a wise idea next time.

~it's time to take reality tv (which i don't watch anyway) up a notch....not only should the "stars" of american idol have to mangle popular songs, but the should do it while "sky surfing"....and between seasons, let's rerun old "circus of the stars" specials from the days of yesteryear...espcially the one that featured no less than three members of the cast of "saved by the bell". i need a reminder of what mark-paul gosselaar looked like in his younger years.

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

ah, yes- that's good.

and speaking of good things, it would probably be good if i started prepping for my show. (you can catch me on the air between 10 am and 3pm today and tomorrow on wnok.)

*unless, of course, i'm getting my childhood groundings mixed up, because, well, after several years, they all sort of run together.

early sentence saturday

as you can see ^^^^^^ i'm kicking things off a little early this week, just so my sibling will have something to do in the wee hours of the morning.

last week, labbie last presented us with peniscillin, which is awfully close to a real word, but rules are rules, and so it's our first word this week. would the first person please use it in a sentence, and then make up some sort of nonsense word for the next person in line? thanks...

grrrrr

this has not been my morning.*

i was woken up by a phone call, which really isn't a bother- i'd just hit snooze for only the second time, and this gave me an excuse to pry my lazy butt out of bed.

after i finished with the call, i decided to go work out, since i was up anyway. working out necessitates appropriate clothing (check), gum (check), and my discman (wait a minute- where the hell's my discman? it's always right here arrgggh).

no problem, i know where the old one is. i'll just have to find batteries for it.

hello- what's this? an appointment card for the dentist? i was wondering when my next appointment was...

...yesterday? that can't be right. they didn't call- they always call to remind me. wait a minute- i think we changed the appointment the last time i was there....but to when....?

(i am sincerely hoping it wasn't changed to yesterday, because i'll get charged an arm and my right leg up to the knee for missing it.)

okay. i've got batteries. i've got the old discman, which for some reason refuses to believe it has batteries....%&@#.

i am clearly not meant to hit the treadmill today. furthermore, at the rate i'm going, i half expect my lease to be drawn up for more than usual, my car to have spontaneously combusted in my parking lot, and one of my favorite shoes to be missing (probably hiding with my discm-wait a minute-the last time i worked out, i had to bring boxes back to the apartment, and i put my discman in my blue adidas bag so i could carry everything back....

*runs to living room*

well, son of a gun. had i thought about that 45 minutes ago....

like i said, not my day.

*i have a post i need to compose about last night, but i have neither the time nor the motivation for it, so perhaps it'll appear later this evening...or, more likely, tomorrow.

reason #162

why i am a raging dork, and therefore not "way 2 hot"
by: duff

i am not hot because i am a raging dork. in the wee hours of the morning, i posted my hnt picture, and then wandered over to osbasso's, where i spent no less than half an hour hitting refresh every two minutes and wondering why he had not posted his hnt photo yet. finally, around 12:45, i gave up and went to bed.

i stopped by his site this morning...still no hnt picture. i feared the worst- maybe osbasso had fallen ill. maybe his camera batteries died. perhaps he'd fallen and couldn't get up- or reach his camera. i resolved to check on him later, and wandered off to shower and get ready for work.

i checked my email throughout the day, noting (with, a little pleasure- i'll admit it) that my inbox hadn't filled up with generic comments about my feet.*

"perhaps my telepathy worked", i thought.

it finally dawned on me about an hour ago, as i was putting together the avon order- something i do every wednesday night.

were i feeling slightly more photogenic this evening, the new, improved hnt would be a picture of me with a big, fat "L" on my forehead.

and that, surely, is why my car was noteless again this morning.

*let me clarify: i appreciate that you've stopped by, and that you'd like to wish me a happy hnt, but really, i'm okay with you just hanging out in the shadows rather than feeling the pressure to say something that's already been said 500 (okay, 50- i don't have enough traffic for 500) times that morning.

playing the part.

you know, ever since posting this week's hnt, i've had "vivrant thing" stuck in my head. i like the song well enough, but it's always driven me nuts that it's "vivrant" and not "vibrant".

i feel better getting that off my chest- thanks.

i'm working on my second chuck klosterman book, sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs. so far, i'm up to the part where he's talking about how we fall for celebrities in roles they've played, which is completely true, at least in my mind. here's my list of ten:

1. val kilmer as chris knight
2. judd nelson as bender
3. rik mayall as fred
4. cary elwes as westley
5. david bowie as jareth
6. christian slater as mark hunter
7. brandon lee as erik draven
8. johnny depp as edward
9. val kilmer as simon templar
10. jeremy piven as james andrews

as you may have noticed, i didn't mention the actual movies.

go ahead and read my mind- i'd love to see who can come up with the most correct...

also, i'd love to pick your brain- which characters have you fallen for?

my secret's out

i'm heartbroken.

crushed.

beside myself.

you guessed it- when i wandered out to my car this morning, something was missing. i'd been hoping to recieve another clever saying- you know, the ones normally reserved for those nasty chalky mini hearts that appear in stores for valentine's day(around halloween)- but noooooooo. there was nothing. nada. zip. zilch.

so, here's what i'm thinking:

~my secret admirer ran out of paper.

~my secret admirer ran out of those inspiring chalky hearts and is waiting for a sale before he/she purchases a new pack.

~my secret admirer ran out of witty numeric sayings.
come on- how hard is it to write "crazy 4 you" or "u r the 1 4 me" or "rocket 2 u"? (oh my- what if my admirer is too young to catch that last reference? am i inadvertantly robbing the cradle? i mean, heck, i've already raided the retirement home....)

~i came home too late for my admirer to put the note onto my car

~my admirer realized his/her mistake, now understands that i am not, in fact, "way 2 hot", and is now leaving notes on someone else's car.

~freud took him/her out in a jealous rage.

actually, i think i'm onto something there, because, let's face it, hot chicks:

~don't fart. i mean, really, do you think angelina won brad over with her ability to clear a room?

~probably don't run around with boxes on their heads saying things like "i am dark helmet"

~wouldn't be caught dead jumping in puddles- especially if there's mud involved. (come on- someone had to teach those two year olds how to do it.)

~can walk seductively in 4" stiletto heels (please- i don't think i've ever put on anything higher than 1 1/2" and chunky. besides, i'm so "girl next door" that i'm afriad if i attempted to put on stilettos, i'd look like i was "playing dress up with mommy's shoes". plus, i like my ankles the way they are- unbroken.

~take more than 20 minutes (including shower) to get ready in the morning. i mean, there's hair to be blow dried and makeup to be applied. i'm afraid i'm a bit too low-maintenance for all that.

~do not roll their windows down while driving to flick boogers (where else should i the severely un-classy folks who engage in this sort of uncouth behavior put them?)

~are able to cook with olives without feeling the uncontrollable urge to do this:



i could go on, but really, who wants to dwell on it?

besides, i thought i saw a couple of puddles along the sidewalk by my building.....

hello...what's this?

a funny thing happened on the way to work this morning.

i had all my worldly possessions with me- headphones, computer, enough food to feed a small third world nation- staggered out to my car, unlocked the passenger door, carefully arranged everything on the seat, walked around to the driver's side (just because, well, it's a heck of a lot easier to drive from over there), and found this:


i did a double-take:


of course, the obvious question came to mind first:

how did val kilmer know which car was mine?

no, wait- the first question was:

okay- did everyone get one of these? is it just some sort of clever advertising- a little something to try and attract my attention before i crumple this up into a little ball and toss it in the trash?

so, i looked around. the cars next to mine lacked notes. perhaps they were churchgoing folk and simply hadn't been around when the notes were passed out.

so, i took a quick jog around the parking lot- nothing. no one else got a note.

this was a bit of a shock. i mean, i haven't been the recipient of a note from a secret admirer in years. the first one was six months after moving to columbia, when my flirtatious mailman (who, in retrospect, would have made a great sugar daddy, but, quite frankly, while i found the attention flattering, i just wasn't all that attracted to him) felt the need to express his, uh, fondness for my jeans (or, more precisely, what was in them) via a short missive left in my mailbox. this note was followed about six months later by a note tossed in my driver's side window by a hunky landscaper who worked at school and had been tipped off by a good friend of mine that i'd admired his parents' collaboration. his name was verlon (seriously!), and he had spelling issues (a pet peeve of mine), and i was too chicken to ever call the number.

i still have the note, though, so i suppose if SO ever kicks me to the curb, i have a potential backup lined up...assuming his phone number and marriage status haven't changed in the past 4 1/2 years, that is.

back to the matter at hand: where did this note come from, and was it really intended for me?

the use of the number "2" instead of writing "too" out can lead a few different directions:

1. do you kow how many prince songs feature numbers? obviously, either my secret admirer is either a prince fan, or else he's the little purple pixie himself.

2. my secret admirer can't spell. not only that, but secret admirer knows spelling is pretty close to a dealbreaker for me, and has cleverly employed the use of the numeral instead of trying to figure out which version of "to/too/two" would be most appropriate in this case.

3. freud is stalking me.

what if my admirer isn't a "he"? i mean, you know my track record...sibling attracts men, and i attract girls who like girls. (would you believe she is still cackling over thanksgiving? still.)

while we're at it, when SO and i go out, we usually take my car....and he usually drives. so, what if secret admirer thinks my car is really his car, and the note was intended for him. (quite frankly, if this is the case, the admirer needs to improve her stalking skills, as, well, it's pretty obviously my car.)

what if it's not a "secret admirer" note at all? what if it's merely a commentary on the weather? i mean, it's been in the 70s lately, with the exception of yesterday, of course. maybe the author of this note would prefer about six feet of snow right about now?

there's only one way to find out for sure. if you'll excuse me, i have to start scribbling "did you leave me a note yesterday?" on about 1200 pieces of paper in preparation for my late-evening stroll around the parking lot.

this would have been so much easier if they'd just left a number for me not to call.

sentence saturday.....eventually

i'm not sure how it happened.

the weather was in the 70s all week, and i was finally going to celebrate by wearing shorts today. i shaved my legs and everything, just so i wouldn't scare small children with my long, lustrous leg hair. (did you hear that? that was the sound of my sibling cringing.)

anyway, i crawled out of bed about 45 minutes ago, chased down an appropriate short-sleeved shirt, shorts, and the new bouncy adidas, gathered up my laptop and headphones, opened the front door, and ........very quickly shut that door, dropped all of my worldly possessions, ran into my room, and put on about three more layers.

i'm not exactly sure when or how, but at some point while i was sleeping, it got cold.

now, before my comments fill up with various cracks from folks up to their spleens in snow, let me point out that south carolina is the first place i've ever lived that experiences the fluffy white stuff maybe once a year- if we're lucky. in fact, i'm a big fan of snow....which is one of the myriad of reasons why i spend each christmas in maine. i love flopping down in the snow, i love attempting to make an igloo (sibling and i have never quite worked out how to do it properly, but i still enjoy trying.) i love snowball fights...unless i'm getting my ass kicked. i love sledding, though it's just not the same as when we were little and did it on the hill in the cemetary down the hill from our house in maryland. most of all, i love catching snowflakes on my tongue (except in heavily polluted cities- those kinda burn a little, for some strange reason.)

in short, i like snow.

here in south carolina, when it does snow, you'll find me either snickering at the folks who are clearing out the bread aisle because half an inch is in the forecast, or else swearing up a storm in my car at the ones who are so absolutely scared of the white stuff that they feel the need to drive 20 mph......in the fast lane.

that said, i'm not sure how it happened, but i've become a little bit of a weenie about the cold.*

i mean, i was a little chilly in the 10-degree weather in wyoming (that was on a warm day). i was more than okay in maine, where it was a lukewarm 30 degrees, which did not necessitate the donning of a coat. so why is it that the 40 degrees this morning left me shivering- even after i threw on a thermal long-sleeved shirt, wool sweater, flannel-lined jeans, winter parka, 20' scarf, and three pairs of gloves?**

so, while i thaw out, how about taking part in this week's edition of sentence saturday? our first word this week is xiqek. scroll through the comments to find yours- and don't forget to leave a nonsensical word for the next in line. (or, online, technically)

oh- one other thing this morning- if you click on that link above my picture between 10am and 3pm (eastern time) today or tomorrow, you'll actually hear me on WNOK, playing music to blog by....or something like that.

*my apartment doesn't count- i'm paying the electric bill, and i'm a little cheap, especially since even with the heat off, the bill usually costs me an arm and a leg. i'm beginning to wonder if perhaps SO is recharging a car battery or something in the closet.

**okay, i might be exaggerating just a little. so what?

tastes like....?

how is it that when frosting is added to some sort of edible styrofoam, the result is terribly addicting?

rewriting the alphabet

[A is for age:]
17 27

[B is for booze of choice]
hmmm. well, i can tell you tequila definitely is not on that list.

[C is for career]
since i'm too short for a career as an international supermodel, let's stick with wanting to be a dj and an author when i grow up.

[D is for your dog's name:]
i'm not a dog person, but my cat is named hutchence

[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
deodorant. toothpaste. digital camera. bed.

[F is for favorite song at the moment:]
favorite song ever- "take on me"- a-ha
favorite current song- "feel good inc"- gorillaz

[G is for favorite games:]
monopoly, scrabble, trivial pursuit, yahtzee

[H is for hometown:]
born: ft. collins, colorado
raised: baltimore, maryland

[I is for instruments you play:]
flutophone

[J is for jam or jelly you like]
blueberry

[K is for kids?:]
i like the kind you can borrow for a while, then give back

[L is for last kiss?:]
what? the last one already? who's been munching on my caramel-filled hershey's kisses? 'fess up, you dirty rascal.

[M is for most admired trait:]
in myself, or others? intelligence, sense of humor

[N is for name of your crush:]
val kilmer (duh)

and who says i've only got one crush, huh?

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
none. *knocks wood*

[P is for phobias:]
heights, dark closets, large, poisonous spiders, large, poisonous snakes, large poisonous spiders and snakes hiding in a dark closet in the penthouse suite

[Q is for quotes you like:]
"it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."- antoine de saint-exupery in the little prince

[R is for biggest regret:]
i have a few things i'd love to go back and change, but no regrets.

[S is for sweets of your choice:]
caramel filled kisses

[T is for time you wake up:]
three or four snoozes ago

[U is for underwear:]
yes.

[V is for vegetable you love:].
artichokes!

[W is for worst habit:]
trying to do too much

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
only teeth

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
chicken and mushroom quesadillas, shrimp and black bean quesadillas, artichoke-stuffed mushrooms, crab-stuffed mushrooms, and various nasty ol' experiments that actually turn out pretty well.

[Z is for zodiac sign:]
easy to guess, if you've seen my tattoo

let's see....i'd love to pick kal's brain, and roomie's, and nj's, and kristi's, and madge's, and, well, anyone else who wants to give it a shot.

ps- since it's almost thursday, here's this week's contribution:


(you can check out osbasso's tootsies here.)

a few random tidbits

several mildly amusing post topics have flitted through my mind over the past couple of days, but of course i didn't write any of them down.

so, i guess you'll have to expect something brilliantly hilarious (or, more likely, mildly amusing) from me another evening.

the best i can offer tonight are these random thoughts:

1. it's exciting to see a bunch of cards in the mailbox during the holidays. after the holidays? not so much- so far, i'm lacking the current addresses for three people....guess i'll figure those out, scribble hearts on the envelopes, and resend them as valentines.

2. while i'm not really hungry, i am curious as to what "shrimp & lime" ramen noodles taste like.....though maybe munching on the black pepperjack doritos, which i know i like, would be safer.

3. that reminds me- does anyone else remember jumpin' jack cheese flavored doritos? they were my favorite, but i have yet to meet anyone who doesn't give me a really funny look when i mention them. then again, just about everyone looks at me funny anyway.

4. will sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs be anywhere near as good as fargo rock city? (i just finished the latter last night- i highly recommend it, especially to mossy and kal.)

5. did you see that brainteaser over at rabbit's place last week? i'm constructing one, myself. would anyone be interested in playing, or should i find a more meaningful way to waste my time?

6. why, oh why, is "suddenly last summer" stuck in my head? i haven't heard that song in ages, so i fail to understand why it's in my mental jukebox right now.

7. my foot's asleep. perhaps the rest of me should follow suit.

you searched for what??? (list-happy edition)

please note: this edition of "you searched for what???" is numbered for your enjoyment. (what can i say? i'm on a kick.....)

japanese classroom warm up numa numa

1. i am so relieved i'm not the top result for this....eclectic search.
2. i am trying to figure out how my blog landed in the top ten, considering the entry in question didn't even hint at "japanese classrooms".

random facts about shakopee minnesota

1. there's one more letter in "minnesota" than in "shakopee".
2. i have no idea how to pronounce "shakopee". (shack o' pee? shake o, pee? i couldn't tell you...)
3. kristi saw the new kids on the block in concert there.....last week. (kidding!)
4. somehow, i'm the #1 source for this sort of information. (sorry, folks)

sister watches brother naked

1. who are you?
2. what on earth was behind this search. no, wait- i don't want to know.
3. how did i wind up the go-to girl for this sort of thing? *cringes*

duff naked

1. isn't it a little cold for all this nudity?
2. for once, i am so glad hilary duff comes up before my blog.
3. joel madden would like to have a word with you.

"it's all coming back to me now" celine dion extended lyrics

1. oh, dear.
2. how on earth did a search for celine lead to me?

priceless grandma stripper

1. i am not a grandma.
2. none of my grandmas were ever naked- ever. not even in the shower.
3. somehow, i came up as the second result for this one......eeek.

Melanie Chisholm ticklish

1. first amanda peet, then hilary duff, and now sporty spice?
2. oh.
3. my.
4. .....and how on earth did i become the top result for this one?

duff croissant

1. i'm not quite sure, either.
2. i'm getting kind of hungry......

sexiest kc mo radio dj

1. i'd like to thank the academy for this award. i'd also like to thank...
2...wait a minute. i was never on the air in kansas city, so
3. it can't be me.
4. damn.

val kilmer ticklish feet
(actually, it was in all caps, so the searcher must have been really serious about this topic.)

1. i'm afraid i have no idea whether val's feet are ticklish or not.
2. i'll happily volunteer to find out for you, my curious readers.

speaking of curiousity, i can't wait to see what some of you folks come up with next.....

psst!

i'll do an official post later, but just wanted to point out that line under my picture over there...you know, the "hear me here" one? well, you can...for the next four hours.

i mean, you know, if you have nothing more important to listen to today.

saturday already?

after a two-week holiday hiatus, it's time once again for sentence saturday. this week's edition is brought to you by the makers of the flowbee. (i'm not sure why, either, but you have to admit that "flowbee" is kind of fun to say...)

the first word this week is youcleftus.

(by the way, i finally finished my national park post.)

oh, and when you're done, go tackle this brainteaser from rabbit. (let me warn you, though- i'm about halfway finished with my list.)

burn with me, heaven's on fire....

for some inexplicable reason, "heaven's on fire" has been running through my head (well, just two lines of the song, technically) for the past hour. i can't remember whether paul or gene sings it, but the version in my head is definitely paul (which is odd, because i've always liked gene better....even if he looks a little wild- or is that the appeal?)

i'm holding chuck klosterman responsible, because i know the song was mentioned in the chunk of fargo rock city that i read last night.

i had a college professor (broadcasting, of course) who looooooved kiss. i mean, i'm 99% sure he was a card-carrying member of the kiss army. somewhere in my notes from one of his classes, i know i scribbled down "all kiss songs are about gene simmons' penis or...."

too bad i can't remember what came after "or". perhaps that'll inspire a treasure hunt in daddy's garage next time i'm in kansas city.

in other musical news, aerosmith's coming to charlotte thursday night. if you listen to me online this weekend, you'll hear me playing my favorite aerosmith tunes and giving away tickets. however, i've already been informed:

1. no tickets for my personal use (just as well- i have to babysit anyway)
2. "big ten inch" was not a top 40 hit, therefore, i cannot play it.

so, look forward to "rag doll", "love in an elevator", and another favorite or two of mine. (i'll get a link up in the sidebar before i'm on in the morning so you can suffer through my show, just like the locals do.)

i wore my spiffy new hoodie today. (picture to follow on random pics tomorrow.) it's from alice cooper's joint in phoenix. may follow the rock and roll theme tomorrow too- i haven't decided yet....but i know where my poison babydoll tee is, just in case.

and on that note, it's time to head for bed....which makes me think of this rather obscure one:

So lay back
Call off the attack
Cause if you look deep
Dreams are nothing that I lack
And all I seek
A final chance to speak
And I would let the whole thing keep
If I could just sleep

(yep- too lazy to decapitalize)

some sort of fantastic prize to whomever guesses that one correctly.....as soon as i think of something fantastic to offer up.

did you know...

that this is post #301?

i completely missed the milestone, which is so unlike me.

furthermore, when i finish my national park post (you'll find it below....soon), that'll make this #302.

i'll try to be a little more observant when 400 rolls around.
----------------------

in other news, i'm irked. i'm also ticked and peeved.

were it not for one big mouth, my private life would still be pretty private....and i'd appreciate it if it could quietly go back to being that way.

besides, val's been complaining about the calls in the middle of the night from people he's never heard of asking whether or not we're together. it's beginning to interfere with the character he's trying to get into for his next film.

---------------------

and while i'm discussing random things, you may have noticed i've finally put up new pictures. more to come.....perhaps this evening, if i have time after battling the fuzzy stuff growing in my shower. (i bought a new toy, and i want to see if it lives up to its promises....)

maybe more later...and maybe not. you'll still like me either way, right?

the best laid plans....

tomorrow, i will.....

1. pry my butt out of bed early (and by "early" i mean after only one or two snoozes.....not 12), throw on workout clothes, dig out my new def leppard cd, and spend some quality time with the treadmill.

2. get to work on time....maybe even early....okay- how about earlier than usual?

3. put one last check into the bank, so i can turn around and write a big ol' check to my credit card company.

4. remember to bring home raspberries and blueberries from the grocery store, because they may be overpriced, but i really like them and sometimes it's okay to splurge a little.

5. figure out my 401k paperwork, so my old job doesn't wind up screwing me over once again.

6. get the avon order figured out and entered into my account by 11pm.

7. write up the incentive email/flyer for the next campaign.

8. vote over at the order.

9. end the day with a warm, rubber duckie filled bubble bath.

and maybe, possibly, perhaps blogger will cooperate and i'll be able to upload the rest of my photos....but i will not call the computer nasty names if it doesn't behave.

okay. maybe just one or two semi-nasty ones.

tag- i'm it!

mamakbear was kind enough to hit me with this one.....

"The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits of yourself," and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says "You are tagged" (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours."

(yep- i'm too lazy to de-capitalize.)

so...only five? heck, i can come up with five foods i eat in strange ways....

1. i eat the spaghetti o's first, then the meatballs/franks.

2. i lick the seasonings off my doritoes, then eat them.

3. i scrape the seeds off of pickle spears with my teeth, then gnaw off the flesh, then eat the skins. (slightly harder to do with braces, but still managable)

4. reese's peanut butter cups- "crimped" outer edge first, then top and bottom chocolate disks, peanut butter filling last

5. i'm sure there's another one i should include....some long-running habit that just isn't springing to mind right now.....but, for lack of anything better, i'll admit to licking off the bottoms of hershey's caramel kisses, sucking out the caramel, and then eating the rest of the chocolate shell.

all this talk of food is making me hungry...so i'll tag my sibling, penny, lbseahag, kal, and roomie and head off in search of some sort of nourishment....

a new "to do" list

i'm working on a couple of backdated posts (don't worry- they're recent enough to show up on this page when i finish them), but blogger does not feel inclined to allow me to upload the last few photos.

argh. guess that means i should work on something else for a little while:

a resolution (or ten)
1. be less late.
i've gotten into a very bad habit of running late- always squeezing in "one last thing" when i find i actually have a spare moment or two. last night, i was actually early to babysitting. i'm hoping to continue this trend in 2006.
2. be less late to bed, too.
if i'm not done whatever i'm doing by midnight, i'll put off the remainder until the next day. i'm pretty sure the world will continue to spin on its axis if i don't get all my catalogs labeled in one day.
3. break in my new bouncy adidas on the treadmill.
i have no desire to be mary-kate thin (or lindsay or nicole, for that matter)...but i could stand to lose a couple of pounds off each thigh. besides, i need to be in better shape in case we make it to the grand canyon again in 2006.
4. travel three places i've never been before.
it's worked the last two years, so i'm using it again as an excuse to get out a little more. after all, the world's a pretty big place......
5. read more.
i finished three books while on vacation...and bought about ten more. (bookstores and best buy are my two downfalls, though i'm currently a little mad at the latter for putting my computer on sale....for $150 less than i paid...but bookstores...much love for them.) i miss having time to read.
6. drink more water
surely all that running to the bathroom to pee will make up for the days i don't make it to the treadmill.
7. stash more money in the bank
i suppose i should start thinking about getting a house, and i'm going to need some sort of down payment....so i might as well build up my savings accounts now so i can afford something that can't be transported on a couple of eighteen-wheelers.
8. get bodhi to at least half of his remaining states.
i suppose this sort of goes along with #4, though bodhi's airfare is a heck of a lot cheaper than mine.
9. learn a new skill.
it pays to be versatile...besides, i've always wanted to learn the finer points of underwater basketweaving.
10. start pulling together ideas for my award-winning autobiography.
i mean, it's not just going to write itself...though i'd almost pay to see that happen.