my secret's out

i'm heartbroken.

crushed.

beside myself.

you guessed it- when i wandered out to my car this morning, something was missing. i'd been hoping to recieve another clever saying- you know, the ones normally reserved for those nasty chalky mini hearts that appear in stores for valentine's day(around halloween)- but noooooooo. there was nothing. nada. zip. zilch.

so, here's what i'm thinking:

~my secret admirer ran out of paper.

~my secret admirer ran out of those inspiring chalky hearts and is waiting for a sale before he/she purchases a new pack.

~my secret admirer ran out of witty numeric sayings.
come on- how hard is it to write "crazy 4 you" or "u r the 1 4 me" or "rocket 2 u"? (oh my- what if my admirer is too young to catch that last reference? am i inadvertantly robbing the cradle? i mean, heck, i've already raided the retirement home....)

~i came home too late for my admirer to put the note onto my car

~my admirer realized his/her mistake, now understands that i am not, in fact, "way 2 hot", and is now leaving notes on someone else's car.

~freud took him/her out in a jealous rage.

actually, i think i'm onto something there, because, let's face it, hot chicks:

~don't fart. i mean, really, do you think angelina won brad over with her ability to clear a room?

~probably don't run around with boxes on their heads saying things like "i am dark helmet"

~wouldn't be caught dead jumping in puddles- especially if there's mud involved. (come on- someone had to teach those two year olds how to do it.)

~can walk seductively in 4" stiletto heels (please- i don't think i've ever put on anything higher than 1 1/2" and chunky. besides, i'm so "girl next door" that i'm afriad if i attempted to put on stilettos, i'd look like i was "playing dress up with mommy's shoes". plus, i like my ankles the way they are- unbroken.

~take more than 20 minutes (including shower) to get ready in the morning. i mean, there's hair to be blow dried and makeup to be applied. i'm afraid i'm a bit too low-maintenance for all that.

~do not roll their windows down while driving to flick boogers (where else should i the severely un-classy folks who engage in this sort of uncouth behavior put them?)

~are able to cook with olives without feeling the uncontrollable urge to do this:



i could go on, but really, who wants to dwell on it?

besides, i thought i saw a couple of puddles along the sidewalk by my building.....