Tuesday, August 16, 2005

pass the frozen corn, please

my ankle is throbbing.

you guessed it- i have been attacked once again by a fire ant with an attitude problem.

as you may recall, the last time this happened, my foot swelled up to about twice its usual size. even my bouncy adidas (laced verrrrrry loosely) left marks on my poor, swollen foot. thankfully, this time i was attacked by a lone ant perched on a taller piece of grass, resulting in a pretty decent-sized lump above the sock line.

and to think, i missed out on this sort of experience for my first 22 years. (that would be sarcasm- fire ants and palmetto bugs are two of the biggest drawbacks to living here. i could come up with more, but we haven't got all day.)

mosquitoes have always found me appealing, so i guess i shouldn't be surprised that the fire ants are fond of me, too. however, scratching a mosquito bite offers some (albeit temporary) relief. (in fact, if i have several bites, i pick one to scratch when i feel the urge- that way the rest heal, but i still get that brief moment of relief.)

ant bites are a whole different story.

~after the first few hours, a little white head forms in the middle of the bite. (i think it's technically a "sting" and but i'm too tired and lazy to go look that up for sure. i suppose if the bug hums "roxanne" as it nails you.....sorry- that's the sort of joke my dad would make.)

~if you give in and scratch the fire and bite/sting, you get a second's worth of relief, followed by a terrible pain, as if you have just gouged your skin with something very sharp and pointy. (that's a technical description, of course.)

~mosquito bites swell. ant bites/stings explode. i look like i'm smuggling a ping pong ball under my skin. ugh.

so far, the only relief i've found is by laying a bag of frozen veggies over the wound to numb the area. caladryl clear has done very little, solarcaine is a waste of time, and i once tried some sort of benadryl gel, but don't have any here at home.


so, i'm going to swap out these slightly-thawed carrots for some frozen corn and head to bed.


ltlme said...

.....great, I go from having some inxs song stuck in my head all day to sting. why can't it be the intro to the muppet show or fraggle rock?

sorry to hear about the fire ants. would you rate it better or worse than jelly fish sting?

Kunstemæcker said...

just pinch it with a needle and pour vinegar over it. It stings for a minute but then it's all over.

Dirty Gypsy said...

Oh, geez, Duff. I hope you heal quickly - that sounds awful...

NJ said...

I'll take the ticks around here instead of the fire ants. I don't know what a palmetto bug is and I'm guessing I don't want to.

Motherdear said...

Palmetto bug - isn't that just a big, nasty-ass cockroach thingie??? And I mean BIG!?!?!

Poor Duff! That sounds horrid! Almost sounds like a spider bite! Have you ever tried putting something like ACCENT or some other MSG product on them to neutralize the venom? It's a protein chain, and the MSG breaks up the protein and renders them less painful. I think papain (papaya enzyme) might do the same thing. That, of course, presupposes that you have MSG on your shelves and a papaya tree on your front lawn....sorry.

Poor kid...that really sux.

Chris Nystrom said...

That ant should be shot!

duff said...

kiddo: are you mocking that special moment the amorous jellyfish and my leg shared a couple of years ago? you're just jealous.

kunstemaecker: needle? vinegar? i'm afraid i'm a little bit of a coward- could you do it for me?

gypsy: it "popped" (or whatever one calls something zitlike involving leakage) a couple of days ago, and while it's not completely healed, i no longer look like i'm smuggling a ping-pong ball under my skin.


nj and motherdear: i'm sure i've written something on palmetto bugs before......if not, i'll have to remedy that situation sometime soon.

palmetto bugs are these huge cockroaches- the biggest i've seen have been a good 2- 2 1/2 inches long and an inch wide. i am convinced that i've a group of these monsters got together, they could carry off a small child.

not too many bugs get to me, but cockroaches are freaking gross.

chris: i didn't have any sort of weapon on me, but i think i flicked it off my leg hard enough to do some damage- at least i hope so, anyway.

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the sting, and yes, that is the sort of joke I would make. What you should have done is mix some meat tenderizer (usually made from a papaya extract) in with baking soda and just enuf water to make a paste and then apply it to the sting. That's what I did to the bee sting on your neck way back when and it worked like a charm.

duff said...

hi, daddy

unfortunately, aside from the water,i did not have those multipurpose kitchen helpers at my disposal when the sting occurred.

thankfully, unlike the last attack (sometime last month- i posted a cloud picture on my blog and said it was more appealing than my swollen foot- or something to that effect), this one healed within a couple of days. all i have left is a little mark on my ankle, and i'm sure sooner or later, that'll disappear, too.

i thought mama made the paste for my neck....though i think i was too busy bawling my eyes out to really notice.