well you can tell by the way i use my walk, i'm a woman's man, no time for talk

wanna take a wild guess what was on the radio when i got into my car to drive home tonight?

hearing the bee gees (brothers gibb, for the music nerds in my viewing audience)reminded me of the late 90s hit by one of the fugees that sampled those exact lines. i remember dancing to it each friday night at the "world famous" outback club, which i really doubt you've heard of, but hey- whatever they have to do to attract business, right? you would think after dancing to that song on a weekly basis, i'd be able to easily recall the name of the song, but nooooooo....all i can come up with are those two lines and a fugee. (actually, i suppose i could get up off my lazy butt and look it up, but it's much more fun to see if someone else is willing to figure it out for me.)

anyway, this reminiscing about college (as well as the pimp-daddy song) have left me thinking about a guy in college who was destined to be the inspiration behind the 40-year-old virgin.

he was a nice enough guy, but a little, well....you know how they say you've "got game" when you, uh, have a way with the ladies?

i'm afraid this guy actually had negative game. there were murmurs amongst those in our "crowd" about his inexperience (i believe the phrase "never been kissed" came up a time or two), but we all had our quirks, and i suppose that was just his.

he lived with a few other guys from our college radio station. one of the guys was flat out drop-dead gorgeous, and nice as he could be, to boot. he's the one every girl on the station fantasized about. two of the others weren't as attractive (i really need to dig up a picture of him....), but were amusing and had their followers. (guilty, but i've since come to my senses)

...and then there was the guy with no game.

care to take a wild guess which one developed a crush on me?

i mean, he was nice enough, and he did provide me with an ultra-bootleg version of a tape involving two blurs in a dark room, reported to be bret michaels and pam anderson*, and i did enjoy flopping on their couch and watching movies on a weekly basis....until it happened.

you know how in the movies they'll show the young, innocent teenagers going out to see a film, and after a while the boy will yawn, and stretch, and somehow his arm will wind up around the girl's shoulders, and then he'll give this relieved grin, and then maybe they'll kiss later?

it is not nearly as cute when you've got a twentysomething guy sitting next to you and trying to oh-so-subtly yawn and stretch and i think at that point i either lost it or excused myself to go to the bathroom.

no- i'm not kidding. it was a yawn and a stretch heading toward territory i had absolutely, positively no desire whatsoever to explore. i've never actually seen lost in space, but i'm pretty sure this would be one of those moments when a robot would come rolling out of nowhere screaming, "danger, will robinson!"

i don't think i've ever left a guy's house that abruptly in my life.** looking back, i hope i didn't hurt his feelings or make him give up completely on women or inspire him to live in the woods and make explosives or anything, but quite honestly, the first thing that came to mind right after the "holy shit- did that really just happen, or did i doze off during the movie?" was "i have got to get home and tell my roommates about this....and then i'm calling mama first thing in the morning....and then i need to call......"

i'll admit it- i totally*** kiss and tell.

i think he moved a couple weeks after "the incident", as he'd already graduated and was just sort of bumming around while the lease ran out, and we kept in touch (uh, figuratively) for awhile after that, and then he sort of fell off the face of the earth......or maybe he just moved to the woods.


*though for all i could figure out from the two minute clip, it may as well have been brett butler and louie anderson, quite frankly

**no, wait- i have.

***though it most definitely did not get that far in this case