Wednesday, May 03, 2006

spring has sprung...or is it flying?

ah, spring.

the sun shines longer, the birds chirp more, the cacti can go outside instead of poking me every time i try to open the bedroom window, and in general, life's just dandy.

yeah, for about five minutes, and then south carolina springs lose their appeal.

don't get me wrong- i really like south carolina. i'm all about being less than two hours from the mountains and beaches, depending on where i feel like driving. the laws here amuse me (but hey- there are finally legal tattoo parlors in this state, though i can't really vouch for any of them, as SO turns a strange shade of pale every time i mention tattoos/piercings/fun haircolors), and so do some of the natives (trucker hats outnumbered dressy outfits at the cirque du soleil performance i attended last night which, by the way, was excellent*).

however, i do not love the notion of needing to take two showers daily in the middle of may simply because it's 90 degrees and sticky and if i only shower once, i will not exactly be making lots of friends in the event i raise my arms after 12:30 pm. while i'm highly fond of some of the wildlife that become more visible with the rising temperatures (lizards), i really could do without mosquitos the size of my fist and palmetto bugs.

what's this? you've never heard of a palmetto bug? consider yourself lucky. sure, to newcomers they sound like some cute little fuzzy caterpillar or something- an adorable state bug- something to show a little state pride. however, palmetto bugs aren't the cute, fuzzy little six legged mascots you might imagine. oh, no sirree...

a palmetto bug is a roach the size of a freakin' buick.

we're talking a couple of cans of raid max here, folks.

these beasts come out as soon as the weather warms up, and heaven help you if you have a gap between the bottom of your front door and the ground, because not only will the little suckers barge right in, but they'll bring friends.

oh, and it gets even better. not only do they invite their friends into your home without asking and try to eat any food you may have laying around, but they can fly, too!

....which, come to think of it, might explain the levitating trucker hat i saw out of the corner of my eye last night.

*the performance, not the trucker hats, though i appreciated the fact that most of them looked like they were relatively clean.


Stef said...

Oh I know all about palmetto bugs... I lived in Georgia for about 7 months in 1988, and i saw plenty of them. The first one I saw was dead after my then 4 year old son pulled it out from inside the closet of the apartment we'd just rented and asked if I'd ever seen a cockroach that big. Um, no, son, I haven't. I found out they could fly when one buzzed my head. yeeeech!

Labbie said...

Who was relatively clean? The truckers?