Saturday, October 07, 2006

run away! run away!

i have accomplished a grand total of squat today. however, i have come away inspired by this post from dooce. (what do you mean you've never been to liar!)

after spending my entire airshift on wnok scrolling through the comments inspired by that particular post, i've decided to tackle this  very dangerous topic (actually, since only 1 of my old boyfriends dares to read any of my blogs, i figure i'm pretty safe).

here's my list, which (it must be noted) is by no means exhaustive:

~overly religious. 

i'm a pretty open-minded person. i tend to follow the ol "whatever trips your trigger" line of thinking on most things. that said, please don't try to convince me that i need to "find jesus"...i figure there are enough people looking already. as soon as someone finds him, i'm sure it'll be plastered all over the cover of every major newspaper in the western hemisphere. i could use a good nap more than a wild goose chase.


seriously, the last time i was okay with licking an ashtray was during an evening of drunken debauchery in college. (no, i've never actually licked an ashtray, but is kissing a smoker really that far removed from it?)

~lack of sense of humor

were i not so lazy, i'd put this first. seriously.

~what do you mean, "why do you have so many rubber duckies?"

seriously, if my childlike zest for life bothers you, perhaps you should leave. (i should also mention that my childlike zest for life is carefully balanced with my collection of impractical underthings, thankyouverymuch.....and no, they're not stored in the same area of my apartment.)

~hate to travel? a sure sign that this isn't going to work.

life's too short to spend it in one place. i have a really hard time understanding how anyone my age hasn't made it to at least a beach by this point in their life.

~the guy who dumped me for my poor taste in music? done.

so sorry i wasn't into your ambient/techno/crunk music.....especially in the bedroom which, come to think of it, reminds me of the other reason you dumped me. i'm still waiting for you to come out of the closet, quite frankly, and i think that blogging about your beloved "herb garden" is a sure sign that you're on your way.......

~if it takes less than two minutes, it shouldn't count.

call me heartless, but if i wanted quick draw mcgraw, i would have gone after an eighteen year old. (not that the guy in question was much older then that at the time, but still. i mean, really- he was old enough that it shouldn't have started and ended during the same commercial break. every. single. time.**)

don't worry- i'm sure i'll think of more......

in the meantime, what qualities in a potential mate will send you running towards the sunset, never to look back?

**i know, i know- you would think i'd have learned after the first time, but i was honestly convinced that it was a fluke, simply because he hadn't had any attention in awhile. plus, he was kind of hot.


LBseahag said...

whoah...we have dated the same guys...the travel one, and the sense of humor, I feel ya, sister...

Kal said...

Hmm... Since I've been "dating" the same woman for 17 years, this could be a toughie.

Okay, I got two:

1) If she's married. Generally there's only room for one married person in a relationship, so if she's married I don't think it would work.

2) If she won't date me. If I had a nickle for every woman I had to break up with (in my mind) because she just wouldn't date me...

Kal said...

oh, and by the way, I've switched over to Blogger Beta, so the new site is

But I still am not dating married women...

bricotrout said...

all very good points! um... HOW many rubber duckies do you have exactly???

Callie said...

Here's one you didn't mention.

If they drive slower than me.

I hate that. hate hate hate hate. Makes me want to reach my foot over to the accelerator and push their foot down. Grrr.

One other thing - I have to be the pretty one in the relationship. Yes, I'm completely vain. Deal with it. But I cannot date someone who looks better than me. I don't want everyone looking at us thinking, "Geez, the only reason he'd be dating her is if she's good in the sack." Not that I don't want to be considered good in the sack. I just want to be the pretty one.


duff said...

seahag: i just can't handle the ones who are always serious, all the time....i don't care how gorgeous/rich/great in the sack they may be.

kal: 1. i'm not married
2. i'd totally date you. (i know, i know- you've only got eyes for penny, but still.....)

bricotrout: a lot....but none in my bed, and that's what matters, isn't it?

callie: i'm totally with you on that. if i wanted to be in the car with a slow driver, i'd move back to kansas city and ask my dad to chauffer me around.