baby did a bad bad thing

i did something terribly dangerous last night, and i must discourage you, my three impressionable readers, from following in my footsteps.

what i did last night was extremely risky, and wound up costing me not only precious time and money, but my heart was even a little broken in the process.

for the first time in at least four months, i set foot in best buy.

"so what, duff? that's no big deal. i go there all the time."

yes, jamie, i know you do. however, it's worth pointing out a few little facts:

1. i rarely shop. generally, the only exceptions occur when i'm on vacation (it makes me feel better to add to the local economy, even if it is that of, say, disneyworld. i mean, someone has to pay snow white's salary, don't they?) or SO and i are out of necessities like toothpaste, toilet paper, or cheese.

2. there are only two types of stores where i will find myself hard-pressed to keep my bill under $100: bookstores and music/entertainment stores.

(before i go any further, it's probably worth mentioning that i stopped by waldenbooks on the way to best buy last night, but i'm pleased to report my bill was under $50....mostly because it appears that neither augusten burroughs nor laurie notaro have written anything lately.)

so anyway, after the last best buy excursion (to the tune of $200-something, if i remember correctly), i'd avoided the store like a prom queen avoids having to kiss the captain of the chess team.

until last night, that is....and it's all my sidekick's fault.

i'd finally decided to attend today's birthday party, which left one small problem.

just what do you buy the five-year-old who has everything? i mean, she's into bratz, barbies, princesses and polly pockets, but guess what every other party invitee had been advised to present to her? i needed something original, something that just screamed "duff", something to impress her sufficiently enough that it wouldn't get hurled at the nearest farm animal. (did i mention this party was at a petting zoo? farm animals were all over the place- i didn't want to be responsible for my gift wiping out a chicken or rabbit or other small critter.)

i'm pleased to report i found something perfect, and even more thrilled to report that my sidekick liked it so much that it was one of the few presents that didn't become airborne as soon as it was freed from its wrapping paper.

unfortunately for my checking account, not only did i find the buttercup edition of the princess bride for her birthday, but i also found a special edition set of the original star wars trilogy in a collector's tin for SO's birthday (also today, by the way), as well as a few little things for myself....like the new jason mraz album ($19.99 for a super-duper collector's edition, including a 36-page journal, extra liner notes, and his phone number*....), an inxs dvd, a two-cd robin williams set, jack johnson's latest cd.....no wait- i had to put that one back in favor of a pee wee herman dvd (oh, come on- they're practically interchangable, don't you think?), chris isaak's greatest hits....no, wait- had to put that one back because i grabbed it right before robin williams and, well, even i have to prioritize every once in a while.

ok- maybe that's everything.

"but what about the heartbreak, duff? you mentioned heartbreak, and so far i'm not hearing anything that's bringing a tear to my eye."

ok- since you seem intent on making me relive a painful moment from last night.....

picture our short, blondish hero (uh, that would be me), walking down the dvd aisles of best buy, princess bride already in hand. suddenly, i look down at about ankle level and stop dead in my tracks.

no, i didn't see a giant cockroach/palmetto bug. i saw a movie. not just any movie, mind you, but one of my favorites. this flick has it all- mystery, humor, intrigue, and most importantly, val kilmer.

not only that, but it's one of my favorite kilmer films.....which is why i was....startled to see it marked at only $4.99.

i think i have one reader who, like me, watched gene simmons' family jewels. did you see that episode where gene and his son are shopping for clothes and gene is aghast to find a kiss t-shirt at a vintage store for the bargain basement price of $2? that's about how i felt last night. i briefly considered grabbing a copy of the saint, marching up to the counter, and insisting on paying 20 times the price for it while giving the cashier a lecture on the value of such a cinematic masterpiece, but then it occured to me that, without gene's financial resources, that's a simply ridiculous move. i mean, i tend to get caught up in the principle of things, and the movie's good, but not good enough to render my rent check rubber.

besides, were i willing to spend that much on the saint, something would've had to give, and unfortunately, my backup gift for the sidekick would have definitely taken out least a goose, if not two.

*i'm kidding, but hey- i write all sorts of stuff in my journal- why wouldn't he?