this is not a low calorie post

i'll warn you now- i'm feeling a little rambly today.

i came to work with a pile of projects:

~scribble in photo albums from last weekend's trip to zion national park

~read small pile of magazines (rolling stone, details, self, blender) that has accumulated on the back of my couch

~search for plane tickets for thanksgiving (am i flying into kansas city and driving to albuquerque, or should i just fly directly to albuquerque?) and christmas (only one possible destination to worry about, but when should i go?)

~update random photos

~add more photos to the post below

~get caught up on my blog reading

~scribble on avon catalogs

~update bodhi's blog

~find solution to problem of world peace (or, more accurately, lack thereof)

in typical underachiever style (hey- i just got back from vacation earlier this week, remember? i'm trying to ease back into the routine), i have managed to:

~pry my eyelids open (no small feat, i'll have you know)

~read an article on steve irwin (which reminds me- i really should send an email with my condolences to patrick, as he was highly fond of the crocodile hunter, as evidenced by that time when we were making out and he yelled "crikey". okay- maybe i made that last part up, but believe me, he loved that show.)

~skimmed the first half of rolling stone

~after lamenting the fact that my jeans feel a bit tighter than they were before my big hiking trip (too many baby cheeses, i think), nuked a double cheeseburger for lunch. upon opening the microwave, i was reminded of the time i tried to nuke a leftover ham and cheese melt from arby's....in a foil wrapper. you know that scene in pump up the volume where the chick shoves all of the silverware into the microwave and it, like, blows up? my ham and cheese melt didn't get quite that far, but there's still a lovely scorch mark on the back wall of the microwave.

i mean, uh, how the hell did that get there?

which reminds me- it seems everyone i know is expanding. i thought i was the exception to the rule...until i pulled on these jeans. it could be worse, though- one of the bosses was a tad concerned thursday because he had to temporarily retire not one, not two, but three pairs of pants, due to his expanding gut.

i sort of felt bad for the guy.....until i came home from picking up his firstborn child yesterday and noticed the big freaking box of krispy kreme doughnuts on the kitchen counter.

since i sincerely doubt there's a new version of atkins for folks with a serious sweet tooth, i ever-so-gently inquired as to how these confections were going to help him regain the ability to fasten the buttons on those pants.

"wait a minute.....weren't you just bitching about being unable to stuff yourself into your pants?"

(okay- maybe that's not quite how i phrased it, but i know for a fact that he doesn't come anywhere near my blog, so i'm not going to get called out on it.)

"those are for (insert name of sidekick here)"

riiiiight. and reheating my cheeseburger magically breaks down all 450 calories so they'll have no effect on me whatsoever.

come to think of it, perhaps i should add "rollerblade a few dozen laps around the clear channel building" to my "to do" list.