Wednesday, June 15, 2005

not quite a poolboy, but you take your thrills where you can

my original plan was to crawl into bed early for the third night in a row.

however, that was before the two-hour phone conversation with mama this evening. (yes, larry- i took her to the bathroom. however, i must point out that i was quite open about it, though she thought she could be slick and take me in undetected. unfortunately for her, i inherited her supersonic sense of hearing and pointed out the telltale background noise.)

but you didn't come here to read about that, did you? (surely someone out there did an odd search, so i don't suppose i could rule it out....)

anyway, it was of vital importance that i relay the events of the past few days to her, from wacky two year olds to the eye candy that has made not one but two visits to our preschool this week. (i swear i had nothing to do with that last part......really.)

of course, you don't want to be bored to death with my wacky misadventures with the two year olds, so let's talk about the hunk that was strolling around the grounds.

before i tell you this brief tale, let me preface it by saying the following:

~i am happily taken. (settle down, dear- i'm not shopping for a replacement.)*
~however, i am neither married nor buried, therefore i may look, ogle, and flat out stare- especially if i happen to be wearing sunglasses at the time and can pretend that i'm actually looking at my two year olds, who are probably busy splashing each other and trying to figure out the mysteries of the elmo sprinkler.

*i will, however, continue to flirt with larry and digitalicat relentlessly.

anyway, our air conditioner has been on the fritz lately, causing my room to resemble one of those industrial freezers (before monday's "repair"), and then a warm oven (after monday's "repair"). unfortunately, when it's 90 degrees outside (makes you want to move out here, doesn't it?), opening the window does not exactly bring relief.

so, the a/c folks had to be coaxed down from charlotte to repair their original repairs. this was not necessarily a bad thing. you see, one of the guys sent down monday to put it?..... not terribly unattractive. usually, i'm a "personality" kind of girl, but i'm afraid even i had to give "frank" (that's what the shirt said, but who knows- his name could really be "cletus" or something equally.....err......unique. sensing that, despite his boyish good looks, this might deminish his luck with the ladies, perhaps "cletus" felt the need to borrow frank's shirt. i don't know, and i haven't really had the chance/chutzpah to ask.) a second look. and a third. (to be fair, the third look happened when i held the door open for him monday as he was finishing up his work.)

anyway, after spending the better part of the day tinkering with our air conditioning, "frank/cletus" headed into the building for one last time- as i was passing by the front door. so, i opened it for him. somehow, this led to a conversation about needing some sort of paperwork signed. i wandered around the building in search of someone with some sort of authority, and then "frank/cletus" told me that it didn't matter if the person who signed the paperwork had any authority, since it was just a work order anyway.

well, in that case......... so i signed it. then i kicked myself for signing my legal name, because if "frank/cletus" was so in awe of my sparkling wit and personality (clearly demonstrated during the brief conversation that followed) and felt the need to google me, he wouldn't find me. or at least i don't think he would. hang on- let me check...........

nope, not me. though there are a few sites that appear to be german and something about a "small penis humiliation site", which, i assure you, does not involve me. (i've certainly never been that drunk.)

anyway, when i got to school yesterday, my room was hot. to confirm that this was not just wishful thinking on my part, i checked with the teacher next door. her room was hot, too, and i don't think she'd laid eyes on "frank/cletus", so i'm pretty sure she her opinion was uninfluenced.

when i wandered into school this morning, my room was even hotter.

since we were looking forward to a 90-something degree day anyway, the game plan was to take the kids outside and play in the pool. since i'm a "hands on" sort of teacher (two year olds are a great excuse to jump in mud puddles, splash in wading pools, and run around in an elmo sprinkler without causing folks to wonder if you're completely nuts.), i donned the controversial tankini (you'll have to hold out for the book on that one), a pair of board shorts, and jumped right in to the wading pool. when my assistant came outside, we were discussing the temperature of the room and the likelihood that "frank/cletus" would receive our distress call and pull up in our parking lot, like a knight in shining armor.....well, a dull navy blue uniform including a shirt that may or may not have been his. i was in the middle of a dramatic retelling of the meaningful conversation that "frank/cletus" and i engaged in the other day when my assistant's eyes got big and she made a couple of noises as if to indicate that the topic of our conversation had just appeared.

and so he had. with shirt untucked (but, sadly, still on), "frank/cletus" had arrived to free us from the oppressing heat in our classrooms.

and there i was, splashing around with my kids, pink (have i mentioned how much i hate pink? too bad it was the only color in stock when i bought the damn tankini) tankini, blue camouflage board shorts, hair up, yet somehow falling down, soaking wet- there i was.

thank goodness he was a good 50 feet away. (i also like to think that, like me, "frank/cletus" did not have the patience to mess with his contact lenses this morning.)

two trips in and out of the building later, "frank/cletus" acknowledged my existence.

"hi," he said.

aha- so he remembered our deep, meaningful conversation from two days ago! were i single, i'd be totally in like flynn. (actually, no i wouldn't- i'd probably be too stunned to function and would have replied by smoothly throwing myself into the wading pool or something.)

"hi," i replied.

i was in the middle of sharing this profound experience with my assistant when she pointed out the bizarre scene unfolding before our eyes. without going into too much detail (i have coworkers who read this), let's just say we witnessed a courtship ritual/phone number exchange that involved enough folks to start up a game of basketball.

were i single, man...i mean, i had a head start and everything. after all- he said "hi", which counts as our second conversation. at that rate, i'd be the one checking the phone every 5 minutes to make sure it was working and using the time in between to flip through my dusty copy of the rules, searching for the proper length of time to wait before calling.

but i'm not. i'm taken...which frees me up so i can spend my time blogging about conversations about conversations about eye candy.......and coming up with ways to sabotage the a/c.

(totally kidding- i'd rather have a comfortable room- really.)


Callie said...

Oooh - we used to have a cute a/c guy when I first started working here. Sadly, he went away after the first year. But what a year! The a/c was ALWAYS breaking down, and I'd get to escort him from the door to where he did most of his work. *sigh*

Larry said...

First of all, if you stopped flirting I would assume you didn't care and them who knows what I might do.

Second, I had a friend named cletus once. Definitely not a looker, but, a great guy and never short of female companionship.

Third, a secret for you, no matter how attached you are you will not stop looking as long as you are breathing. It is the touching that will get you in trouble, anyway.

Kal said...

I am sooo insulted I can hardly type!

How can you resist that picture on the right -- aren't I hopelessly cute?

1 said...

I used to pay the receptionist at my old job with daily lattes, to let me sit at her desk whenever the UPS guy was expected for his daily delivery/pick-up.
The exercise yielded some fun and a few dates.

Danikabur said...

Too bad I haven't had any sexy guys visiting here lately. There was a sexy salesman for a while..

duff said...

kal: you are irresistably cute. however, the last thing i need is for wifeypooh to chase after me with a baseball bat because i flirted with you.

plus, aren't you a republican?

Kal said...

A republican yes, but a liberal republican. Or maybe a libertarian, without all the weirdo ideas.

But good choice with respect to wifeypooh. She's small, but quick.

MPH said...

What? No flirting with me? I can get you into Heaven.

duff said...

mph: i didn't know you cared.

besides, aren't most of the fun people headed the other direction?

but if you're feeling left out, i'd be more than happy to flirt relentlessly with you (but don't tell digi or larry.)

Larry said...

I heard(okay, read) that.

If you want to keep things quiet, there is a thing called email.

*uncontrolable sobbing*

.: raven :. said...

hahaha this was so cute ....

we have a hot UPS guy .... i actually start stuttering when he comes in .... *whew* i'll have to post about it some day.

duff said...

stuttering? i don't have it that bad.....though during our first conversation, i tried to give him my pen, then walked the wrong way down the hall.

i shudder to think what it would've been like were i single and seriously thought i stood a chance.

Dad said...

Duff: by the way, it is spelled "diminish", not "deminish".
Dads never change, do they?

duff said...

daddy: typo noted- thanks.

what are you doing checking in from work? showing my blog to the boss? (bonjour, monsieur smead. mon pere {needs} plus d'argent. merci beaucoup.)

also, seeing you call me "duff" is a little creepy. "pumpkin", "sugar", or "my favorite child" would be fine, though.