Saturday, August 26, 2006

hey! pick on someone your own size!

it seems i have fallen behind when it comes to keeping up with current events. i was too busy trying to figure out how to get past blogger's new login setup ("click here to continue" you're kidding, right? i'm clicking like a four year old computer nerd on mountain dew and pixy stix, but i don't seem to be getting anywhere) to notice that my favorite planet is, well, no longer a full-fledged planet.

i am distressed, to say the least.

since i've always been little ("petite" sounds too delicate for a klutz like myself), when i had to write research papers in elementary school, i tended to gravitate (sorry- couldn't resist) toward smaller subjects. when we had to design tourism posters for the state of our choice, i picked rhode island. space travel pamphlets? pluto was the obvious choice.

originally, pluto's status was the basis for a campaign to add three new planets to the solar system: pluto's moon, charon, the asteroid ceres, and a new body bigger than pluto, 2003 ub313.

(i'm still not entirely convinced that this last entry wasn't just a smudge on the lens or a moth flying in front of the telescope, but hey- what do i know?)

however, the scientific bullies...err....the international astronomical union have instead stripped pluto of its status as one of the big 9, reducing it to a "dwarf" planet.

(which reminds me of the british comedy series "red dwarf", which i'm sure you have never seen. pity.)

this is terrible news. (the dwarf status- not the fact that you haven't seen "red dwarf". i mean, the latter is quite a loss, but can easily be remedied with dvds. i'm afraid pluto's not going to get off that lucky.)

i've read multiple articles in the newspaper this morning, which makes me as big of an expert on the subject as anyone. unfortunately, the articles i read presented this story as if it weren't really such a big deal, which couldn't be further from the truth.

~what's going to happen to "my very excellent mother just sat under new pines"? is she going to have to change positions and sit under noodles? nectarines? or dare she bare it all and sit around "unquestionably nude"?

~bullying of the roman god of the underworld by the other deities. in roman mythology, jupiter, neptune, and pluto are sort of the big three deities. jupiter is the king of the gods, neptune rules the seas, and pluto's left with the underworld which, let's face it, isn't exactly prime real estate. this new demotion of the planet named for pluto is sure to have a negative effect on his self-esteem. should we secure that zoloft prescription for him now, or later?

~ditto for goofy's pup. (or is he mickey's dog? i can never remember.)

~finally, and most importantly to me personally, what happens to the "a" i got on my space travel pamphlet? am i going to have to redo the project? thank goodness that particular teacher's not on myspace, greatly reducing her chances of being able to chase me down and force me to pick another planet.


Motherdear said...

She COULD be on myspace...ya never know.

I think maybe she'd consider that

a) you did the paper at a time when Pluto was considered a planet and therefor, met the assignment requirements;

b) the statute of limitations has run out by now on demanding a 'do-over' of grade school assignments;

c) you are sufficiently rabid about Pluto's demotion that you had to blog about it, and thus still believe in the work you did on your space travel pamphlet.

Those should get you a pass, kiddo. Not YOUR fautl the International Commission of Space Buffoons and Dream Wreckers decided to play in your backyard!

Hey, if it helps, Pluto will always be the 9th planet, to me.

Poor duff...too much trauma at your young age. I say we start up a petition and demand a recount!

mama said...

Amen to motherdear! After all, if Pluto can be demoted without so much as a blush, no one/nothing is secure.