lots to do.....

just a quick note this morning- i'm on the air until 3, and i'm going to spend most of the shift working on my pages over at wnok.com. i've got a few possible post ideas i'm mulling over, and i suppose what i don't get put up today will appear sometime this week (time permitting, of course).

so, i'm here, just not here this morning........

9:30 pm edit

if you haven't already done so- check out my page at wnok. so far, all i've managed to update was the front page, but that took a little while, since i haven't worked with the new editing features implemented uh...well....about a year ago. (hence the overdue need for some serious tinkering.)

at any rate, i hit [delete] a few dozen times, added a couple of things, and managed to kill several hours watching videos and learning new useless musical trivia, like:

~jamie foxx was in a new edition music video. (seriously- i linked to it on my page)
~men without hats had a single besides "safety dance"- furthermore, it's a song i've been trying to find for years.
~nobody else seems to know the name of the fourth guy in damn yankees. (tommy shaw, jack blades, ted nugent, and some random drummer they found on the corner?)
~tom keifer's hair was once teased high enough that i suspect he had to alert the faa every time he moved, lest a small airplane accidentally run into his bangs. (somehow, i'd forgotten about his mid-80s abuse of hairspray. shame on me.)

now, if i can just manage to get random pictures and bodhi's blog caught up before i get out of here tonight, i'll be satisfied.....

whew!

it's been a busy week- from mama's visit to having to share a car to delivering a huge pile of orders in an attempt to reclaim some space in my living room....to the truck race i'm playing commercials for here at the radio station, less than seven hours before my weekend shifts begin.

however, while here at work, i had a thought- why not start sentence saturday a little early? so, without further adieu, the first word this week is nylaphantomatic. scroll through the comments to find your word, and don't forget to leave a new, made-up word for the next person who stops by.

whatever happened to....?

just when i found myself wondering if mc hammer still sports his famous baggy pants, i saw this while logging into blogger:

blogs of note: mc hammer blog

ah, memories. i think we watched his biographical video at least five times during music class in seventh grade.

as a result, i know a downright scary number of hammer's songs.

don't test me.

it's a mistake.....or twenty

i'm giving myself 25 minutes to screw around before my next undertaking of the evening....so here i am, and here are a few quick diversions, just in case you, too, happen to be procrastinating this evening:

let's start things off on a musical note, shall we? this site features all sorts of misheard lyrics, which is actually a pretty helpful tool when listeners call in and want to hear "well, i'm not sure what the title is, but the singer says something like "kick a chicken with it"...or something like that".

on a related note, have you heard about the movie bloopers site? no? well, you have now. (i must admit, however, that my favorite part of the site isn't the bloopers- it's the easter egg section.)

how about some mistranslations, while we're at it?

okay- enough of other people's humorous mistakes. here are a few things i've learned the hard way over the years:

1. even if it's in a can, whipped cream can go very, very bad.
2. furthermore, spoiled whipped cream is incredibly unsexy.
3. brand new dark red blankets are best washed alone....not with a pile of jeans and shirts- unless, of course you're going for some sort of pink, semi-psychadelic effect.
4. always check pockets before you toss jeans into the laundry-laundered gum is not pretty by any stretch of the imagination.
5. always double-check your fly....especially if you're about to meet a new boss/make a speech in front of twenty strangers/smoothly strut by your crush.
6. substitute "nose for boogers" for "fly" in #5.
7. when saying disparaging things about your sworn enemy, if the person you're speaking to gives you a strange look and begins making subtle gestures, it probably means the object of your ire is standing right behind you.(you would think i'd have caught on to this one by now, but nooooooo. i mean, er, ah, noooooo problem. yeah- that's the ticket.)
7a. know when to shut up.

i...just....can't...do...it

i'm totally procrastinating.

i have a list of things i should be doing- it's roughly as long as my arm.

have i tackled any of it? nope.

not. one. thing.

instead, i've started another round of "sentence saturday".....

....and i updated random photos.....

....and i helped bodhi update his blog (it's a little hard for him to reach the keyboard, in seeing as how his arms are only an inch long).

and...well...i'm halfway through my second radio shift of the day, which has to count for something, right?

perhaps i'm just lacking motivation. the latest issue of rolling stone is calling my name far louder than the avon catalogs i need to label, and though i know i really should get caught up on birthday cards (i think the last one i wrote was in november- if that recently) i'm just not in the mood. in fact, here's today's "need to do" list:

1. avon totals maybe after the kids go to bed tonight- otherwise, i don't see this happening before tomorrow.
2. avon brochures refer to #1
3. birthday cards at this point, i should just buy a bunch of "belated" cards and call it good. until then, attempting to scribble out cards is pointless.
4. clean apartment no way around this- i need to at least clear off the couch and create a little more floor space for mama and her stuff.
5. print flyers to go with #2 i can do this by 3- assuming i'm done blogging by then.
6. stop by work- finish caulking, unload dishwasher maybe, dust blinds, feed cats
7. take a nap assuming i have time, i'm totally all over this one, dude.
8. work out (it'll be my 4th day in a row- go me!) only if i can fit in a nap, as well.
9. clear out freezer space to accomodate a batch of mama's meatballs throw food into over/steamer whie cleaning- consider me the queen of multitasking.
10. update radio station webpage if i can get the other stuff taken care of this weekend, i'll be all over it....starting with changing a few pictures.

surely i'm not the only one having problems getting motivated today.....

already?

my, how time flies. seems like we were doing this just yesterday.....

the first word for this week's edition of sentence saturday is skramdiverous. please scroll through the comments to find your word, and don't forget to leave a made-up word for the next person who stops by.

thanks for playing!

kato? is that you?

i'm not sure how or why it happened, but for some reason, i woke up this morning in the middle of a dream involving a wedding (not mine) and kato kaelin trying to make out with me as i was trying to figure out which gown (all of which were uhm....not my style) to wear.

and no, i didn't eat anything especially weird before bed.

year 2, post 1

i didn't think i'd have time to post tonight, but i'm waiting on a phone call from one of my avon helpers, so, well...here i am.

i suppose i should do a little housekeeping (of the virtual sort- the towering heap of clean laundry shall remain untouched until at least tomorrow morning).

first order of business: the pick up line contest

due to a shortage of entries, we'll skip the voting and i'll just share with you what was submitted in the comments section. bear in mind i cannot promise any of these will yeild any sort of results, aside from perhaps a drink in the face, but they might be fun to add to your repertoire:

from m:

If I told U , U had a beautiful body, would U hold it against me?...

"hey... didnt we work together?..."

"ah....U've got something on your lip..."....waits for response "what, where?" Moves in for the kill..."right here"...puts finger on lip...offers to remove offending item"......

"Are you tired?....U look tired..."
"because you've been running thru my mind all day"....

"do you have a little italian in U?"....."well how 'bout me"....

and from kep:

One of my husband's college roommates actually used to say, "Hey sugar titties, you'll be coming home with me tonight!" and girls would DO IT. Amazing. That one sure wouldn't work on me, no matter how drunk I was or who it was!

and, finally, one from joanne, who openly admits it's a little lame:

"You look familiar. Do I know you?"

some of my favorites are strangely absent:

"i may not be fred flintstone, but i'd sure like to make your bed rock"

"your daddy must be a terrorist, cause you da bomb!" (never mind- that one was much funnier before 9/11. now i'm sure the government is going to watch me a lot more closely, since i mentioned the "t" word.)

hmmm...guess i need to dig up my list next time i'm in kansas city.
---------------------------------------------

valentine's day loot report:

*books
*clothing
*the 40-year old virgin
*a new answering machine

ah, yes....i know you're saying to yourself, "wow- that SO sure is romantic."

*snickering*

actually, the first three items on the list happened a couple of weekends ago while we were out and about and i kept finding things i liked, and the last item happened yesterday, when my answering machine, a relic from the middle of my college career *sigh* let out a dying gasp in an odd chipmunk sort of voice. (for the record, it actually sounded like one of the chipettes.) my ever thoughtful SO, upon realizing that i had an avon order this evening, and therefore, would be expecting a few phone calls, ran out to the store and bought me a new and (maybe) improved machine. (visual aids to follow- i'm too lazy to upload the photos from my camera this evening.)

yeah, he's good like that.

oh- and daddy bought my disneyworld tickets yesterday, so i guess the timing makes that a bit of a valentine's day gift, too. (look for me exiting the haunted mansion and getting right back in line again repeatedly at the end of july.)

-------------------------------------

i finally made it to the treadmill today. i've been getting to bed earlier lately, and waking up earlier, and finally made it over to the workout room, discman in hand. (today's selection: a cd of "punk" bands covering 80s tunes...lovely.)

the horrible sight of my thighs in a spandex blend is enough to make me go again in the morning....which means i should probably head for bed (the new answering machine can catch the phone call for me, if need be) so maybe it won't take a few sticks of dynamite and a percussion cap to wake me up in the morning.

so, on that note.....goodnight.

you searched for what???? (anniversary edition)

one of my favorite features over the past year has been "you searched for what???", just because i can share with you some of the very odd searches that lead folks to my blog.

i considered revisiting some of the stranger offerings in honor of my blogiversary, but there were just so many bizarre queries in this weekend's statcounter results that i felt i'd be remiss in not sharing them with you:

lyrics to "yOu CaN tUrN oFf tHe SuN"

psst- hey, you. yeah, you- the guy/gal in massachusetts who went to msn for guidance on this one- it's "the remedy (i won't worry)" by jason mraz, and you can find it on his album waiting for my rocket to come. you're welcome.

"deliberate wetting" teacher

this one came from the british version of google. i guess they're really into this sort of thing across the pond. sorry to disappoint.

"roaches down the toilet

this searcher from california seems to be so desperate to find out if flushing roaches actually works that they didn't want to waste any time closing their quotes.

i wish i had an answer for you but, quite frankly, i have no desire to get close enough to a roach to pick it up and throw it into the can.

jeremy piven "a girlfriend"

sadly, it's not me. i sincerely doubt jeremy even knows i'm alive...unless he's the mysterious caller who keeps hanging up on my answering machine.

famous rapper topock

all together now: tupac! tupac! TUPAC!

sadly, three different people searched for this yesterday, and yes- all of them were american, so i'm afraid i can't cut you folks any slack on this one.

now, if you'll excuse me, i have a little searching of my own (tokens of my esteem for tomorrow) to do.....

psst!

hey- i'm on...on a weekday, no less! between now and 3pm (est), you can hear me here.

and while you listen, how about donating some pickup lines to the cause? (scroll down two posts)

love is in the air....or is that broccoli?

borrowed this one from stef:

Your Candy Heart Says "Cutie Pie"

You always seem to have a hot date, even though you never try to meet anyone. A total charmer, you have a natural appeal that keeps you in high demand. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: multiple dates with multiple people Your flirting style: 100% natural What turns you off: serious relationship talks Why you're hot: you're totally addicting

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahaha*snort*hahahahahahahahahahahahah*snort* hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha

whew! excuse me! sometimes it amazes me how far off these things can be.

here's another one you can take- "what color heart do you have?"

or this one:

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

....which is interesting, as i absolutely, positively cannot stand gummy bears.

enough of that- how about a different sort of valentine's day diversion? (not sure that's the best thing to play with kids around, but since when do you let your kids read this?)

(and, for heaven's sakes, don't let them see this one!)

okay- enough off-color offerings from ebaum's world. here's a love song suitable for the whole family.

now that you're suitably inspired, how about leaving your best (or worst) pickup lines in the comments section one post below?

know what's wrong with the alphabet?

so, i post about not having anything to post about, and then a couple of hours later, i'm posting again. go figure. (i'm pretty sure it's too early in the month for pms-related moodswings, but hey- i'm a cancer...life's expected to be filled with moodswings, according to the horoscope book i have in the back of my closet, lurking somewhere beneath the pile of jeans that haven't fit since high school and the rubberband-bound piles of holiday cards from years gone by.*)

which reminds me (bear with me- this may actually wind up making sense, which doesn't happen often around here), over the holidays (you know, when i wasn't furiously scribbling out holiday cards) i bought a new book (or eight, actually)- the it's happy bunny astrology book....which reminds me of the book SO bought for me last week- the it's happy bunny book of love.** the latter is an indispensible guide for getting into (and back out of) a relationship. why it isn't at the top of the bestsellers list is beyond me.

warning: that website's dangerous- i've already found four things in the shopping area i can't live without, like this. we now return you to your irregularly scheduled reading.

anyway, with valentine's day on the horizon (c'mon hon- tell me what you want already, or else i'll have to resort to the same boring apparel from that store that starts with "fred" and ends with "hollywood". (not that you'll ever get me to come right out and name names, of course- i'm a good girl, and i wouldn't be caught dead in a store like that.)), i've got love on the brain.***

which naturally leads to a discussion of


useful ways of attracting the opposite sex

1. when in the presence of the object of your affection, get so insanely nervous that you are unable to speak in full sentences or even conjugate simple verbs. (hey, caveman-speak is sure to win them over. after all, it worked for cavemen, didn't it?)

2. playfully punch the object of your affection whenever they're near. (sadly, this was actually a favorite tactic of mine for longer than i'd care to admit.)

3. call the object of your affection while less than sober and tell them how much you love them. (i have never done that. however, i have, while slightly less than sober, found myself crying about a crush for no apparent reason...which is one of the many, many, many reasons why the strongest thing i drink anymore is 0 proof.****)

4. buy him/her a drink*****, and follow it up by introducing yourself and laying one of these snappy pickup lines on him/her:


crickets.

hmmm...that's not good. i mean, how are you going to attract the future love of your life****** without a good pickup line?

i have one main source of pickup lines- my journal. (you want to know why, don't you? admit it- you do.)

when i was in high school, the object of my affection was a boy who i have to be somewhat careful talking about, since i have reason to believe he checks my blog at least twice a day, and therefore will recognize himself immediately. anyway, this boy and i had all sorts of phone conversations, including a third-and-fourth person conversation involving a hypothetical relationship******* and several discussions of pickup lines that don't work on me, but make me laugh, which does work....so i guess they were effrective after all, come to think of it.

anyway, being the typical teenager of the female persuasion, i dutifully recorded everything in my journals, and i know in at least one of them, i have an exhaustive listing of every pickup line andy he used on me.

somewhere.

however, that somewhere isn't here, and therefore, i need to enlist your aid in compiling an exhaustive list of bad pickup lines. in order to give hopeful romeos (and juliets, i suppose) adequate time to practice these lines in front of their mirrors before the big day, i'll post the best suggestions by monday evening, at which point we can vote on the most original, most effective, and most whatever else i can come up with, with meaningless prizes to be awarded on tuesday.

sound like a good plan? is anyone not confused? please leave your offerings in the comments section below.********

*not counting this year's cards, of course- only half of those have been put up on the wall, and the other half are on the back of the couch, next to the roll of scotch tape.

**titles are approximate, as i'm at work and don't exactly have the books in front of me.

***and by "love", i mean "bad pickup lines", but we'll get to those in a minute.

****not counting cough syrup, of course

*****wild cherry pepsi for me- thanks.

******or meaningless fling- your choice.

*******yes, i've always been mature for my age, relationship-wise. thanks for noticing

********did i mention that, since i'm on the air this weekend (10-3 est), i may share some of your lines with my audience?

rambling sentence saturday

my mind is a blank.

i mean, here it is saturday again (we'll get to that in a moment), but i've barely posted all week, and i feel like i owe you more than just the standard "sentence saturday" post.

and that's the problem.

you see, i work....a lot. by the time i make it home, i'm usually a little burnt out, yet i have some other task that needs taking care of before i can go to bed. for quite some time, as soon as i finished whatever task that may have been, i'd fire up my computer, and settle in for an hour or two of blogging (and reading other people's work, as well), and then make it to bed at some really obscene hour.

lately, though, i've tried to honor my whole "get to bed by midnight" resolution, because, well, mornings are much less painful that way.

here's the other problem- i've had nothing funny to write about, and i don't just want to put up some lame three-line offering just to keep you coming back.

not that i don't enjoy seeing familiar folks on my statcounter- it still blows me away that at times, i'll have nearly 100 people stopping by in one day- but i don't like wasting space with some little two-line post about how i'm sorry i haven't posted but i'm really busy and while you're here, try the veal and don't forget to tip your waitress and by the way, your fly's undone.

i shouldn't have to apologize for not posting- after all, it's my blog...theoretically put up simply for my enjoyment and i shouldn't feel like i'm letting anyone down on the days i don't post........

anyway, sorry it's such a pensive post, but it needed to come out.

speaking of "coming out" (yeah, yeah- i give up- george michael really isn't into girls after all- i know), i'd love to see who comes out to play sentence saturday. this week's first word is lingquizmally. scroll through the comments to find yours- and don't forget to leave a made-up word for the next person.

breaking the silence

a few random things before i get ready for work:

my current job involves assisting a geriatrician and his wife. the sad truth of it is, sometimes patients die. last week, a fly on the wall heard this:

"well, she went out the way everyone wants to."

"on top of a thirty-year old poolboy?"

(i'm a little concerned, because in a subsequent retelling, my poolboy was only 20. since this conversation was about a week ago, i'm guessing by now my pool boy may or may not be legal....)

--------------------------------------

there's nothing quite like losing a tooth at 5:30 in the morning. on the bright side, at least i didn't swallow it. HO is out of town this weekend, but the crown and my mouth will be reunited first thing monday morning.

-------------------------------------

SO sent me here yesterday to see photos of val kilmer sucking face with paris hilton. (scroll down and click on the heineken picture to get to it.)

nice try, hon, but the val kilmer clause is still in effect, because:

1. are you sure that's val? he looks kind of like ryan reynolds to me.
2. whoever he is, he's obviously plowed...and doesn't alcohol kill germs?
3. when val shows up at my door, i plan on handing him a test kit that covers every disease known to man, anyway...because i have no doubt he's been around.
4. good news for me (if, in fact, it is val)- val's into younger chicks.

-------------------------------------

i'm sure there's more i need to share with you, but i have to head off to work....perhaps we'll have time to catch up a little more this evening?????

now who will i vote for in 2008?

(google-produced pic)
1923-2006

sentence saturday

is it just me, or did the week fly by? it's time, once again, for another edition of sentence saturday. the first word this week is weezleboon. scroll through the comments to find your word, and don't forget to leave a new made-up word for the next person who stops by.

what the world needs now is a new frank sinatra....

yep, i'm still alive....though some of the folks who sent me holiday cards this year and are still waiting for a reply might think otherwise.

i wish i had something witty to tell you after such a long absence, but i'm afraid i've been running on empty all week....haven't even had time to hit the treadmill in preparation for the april hike.....or orbitz to look for cheap tickets.

so, instead of being witty and inspiring, the best i can do is offer up these musical words of wisdom:

"if i have my time again, i would do it all the same, wouldn't change a single thing, even when i was to blame...."

(or something like that. i know what the lyrics site offered up is waaay off...it'll give me an excuse to dig out the cd when i work out in the morning.)

"you can turn off the sun but i'm still gonna shine"

"transfixed by the inner sound of your promise to be found:
'nothing or no-one will evermake me let you down'"

"nothing's so loud as hearing when we lie
the truth is not kind and you've said neither am i"

"yeah, something called love
well, that's like hypnotising chickens"

my own words by the weekend...i swear.