in which i learn to keep my mouth shut

all has not been right in setzer's little world lately.

i mean, sure- she still enjoys hanging around on "her" (my!) hammock,

and she's still showing an interest in food

and drink, 

but she's been having some, uh, how to put an indelicate matter delicately? 

.................

.................

well, heck. let me just put it out there. 

she's had issues with both condition and location of her poo lately. 

yeah, good times.

after a week and a half of this crap, i decided it was time to tote her into the vet's office for a little poke and prod. maybe the fact that we were going off of her annual schedule would fool her into thinking we were going somewhere fun- walt disney world, perhaps? 

yeah, no.

we called and made an appointment for this afternoon, about an hour before i had to come to work at the radio station. 

i grabbed her carrier out of storage, bagged up a delightful little stool sample (i'd prepaid for a fecal analysis at her last visit, but a sample was never obtained/brought in, so i was looking forward to cashing it in, now that there seemed to be an actual need for it.), attempted to coax her into the carrier, gave up and stuffed her in, and took her downstairs for a ride in my chariot.

setzer liked the very first car ride, nearly three years ago.

unfortunately, that ride led to pokes, prods, and being stuck in places that are insulting to one's dignity. 

subsequent car rides have been filled with chatter (i have no idea where she learned some of that language!), and once or twice she's made some sort of excretory exclamation, as well. 

by the time we got to the vet's office, her little bag of poo was floating in a sea of pee. (perhaps this was to ensure they would not try to obtain a sample of any sort from her.)

a couple of minutes after we walked in, the vet walked by and commented to the lady at the desk that the new cleaner she'd used on the floors earlier smelled funny. i hadn't quite caught it at first, but when she explained to her coworker why she was grabbing a mop, i felt the need to speak up.

"uhm, it might not be the cleaner you used. my cat felt the need to express her disapproval of our car ride artistically. her medium of choice this afternoon was pee."

(i think the floor was still remopped while we were in seeing the vet.)

after taking her out in the exam room, another reason for the pee became apparent. 

it seems i should've shaken out her carrier. 

since i would probably react similarly upon finding myself in close quarters with a large roach, i guess i can't really blame her for completely emptying her bladder during transport. 

thankfully, this was nothing the folks at the animal hospital hadn't seen before. there was little to no reaction as she came out of her carrier and, curious cat that she is, jumped around on every possible surface with her wet tail and paws. in fact, upon weighing her, i'm pretty sure the vet tech included the phrase "soaking wet" when recording that she weighs just over 9 pounds. 

after weighing, i guess she finally realized that she was, in fact, wet, and proceeded to shake herself, much like a wet dog.

unfortunately, at precisely this moment, i was in the middle of discussing her diet with said vet tech, and my mouth was wide open.

so, to recap, there's pee in her carrier, pee on every possible surface in the exam room, pee on me, and potentially little droplets have entered my mouth. 

so, yeah- that's awesome.

i'll spare you most of the other details, though i must brag about hearing the vet tech and the new vet (setzer's old one seems to have fallen off the face of the earth) discussing how friendly and pretty she was.....you know, perfect- aside from the whole "covered in pee" thing. 

so, with less than half an hour before i had to be present and accounted for at the radio station, we left the vet's office, with a clean carrier, slightly moist kitty, and prescription for a mile stool softener in hand.

unfortunately, by the time i got her unloaded and grabbed my backpack, i didn't have time to change. 

so, that smell? it's not the floor cleaner. i'm afraid it's my new perfume- eau de setzer.