Sunday, June 04, 2006

writer's block

it came yesterday.

no- not my new pet elephant....nor was it the long-awaited invitation to a hot weekend at val kilmer's ranch (at this point, i'm thinking maybe he has my old address scribbled down instead of the current one).

actually, it was an invitation of another sort- the official invitation to my ten-year high school reunion.

the invitation wasn't a huge deal, but i must admit i'm sort of struggling with the "biography form" that was included in the envelope. i mean, some questions are easy enough- i took care of my name, address, phone number and email without any problem.....but then the questions became a little more difficult.

my biggest "problem" (though i don't necessarily see it as one) is my inability to play it straight. (perhaps that's why i was voted the female class clown, but i could be wrong about that.....)

so, when i look at a question like "what are you currently doing?", i'm not going to list my multiple jobs and make up fancy titles for myself so i sound like the most successful member of my class*, nor will i put down what i'm doing at the present moment (which would obviously be playing around on myspace and trying to figure out how to fill out the silly questionnaire).

instead, i'm putting the truth:"trying to figure out how to become rich, famous, and gorgeous by august."

actually, that was easy enough. moving on.....

spouse/significant other: spouse? you're kidding, right? i'm way too young for that.

number of children, names and ages: see what i put over by "spouse"

what's still on your to do list? this one's a bit tricky. i mean, how many of my uptight former classmates will see the humor in my putting "val kilmer, johnny depp, matthew m.**, owen wilson, billy idol...

so i guess i need to ponder this one some more.

other questions i still have to figure out:

favorite place you have lived or traveled: (crap- just one?)

favorite high school memory: what to choose.....having sam kinison as my teacher? how about spending saturday detention getting hit on by judd nelson in the school library? the day sean penn had pizza delivered to our classroom? finding out that christian slater was a basement dj? i'm going to have a hard time narrowing these down to one.

are all reunion questionnaires like this? where are the questions we really want to know the answers to? i don't care where your favorite place to visit might be. instead, how about telling me whether or not you're part of the 10% of my graduating class that took up stripping after graduation. how about a competition to see who's had the most children since high school? the most spouses? i mean, if my $25 is going to cover the cost of "a full night of entertainment/laughter", let's make this entertaining! who's boinked celebrities since graduation? been on a reality show? become a mulitmillionaire? legally? illegally? seen the inside of the playboy mansion the highest number of times? who's been arrested for indecent exposure? made out with paris hilton?

i want drama. i want scandal. i want jerry springer to show up at this shindig! most of all, i want to know why the invitation to val's ranch still hasn't arrived.

*though i am surely more successful than at least one classmate...i mean, i'm not living in a trailer and working at the gas station on the corner or anything like that, after all.

**i'm too lazy to look up the proper spelling of his last name right now, and every time i attempt to spell it, i wind up with a "cough" and about five extra vowels. however, i'll be more than happy to learn it in the extremely unlikely event that he proposes.


Kal said...

Look, I can understand Val, Johnny (Capt. Jack version? Or Ed Wood version?), Matthew Mah-con-a-hey, and, well, even, maybe Owen Wilson*.

But Billy Idol?

ye Gods, I am sooo disappointed..

(*Frankly, I think Luke's the cuter one - I just can't get past Owen's nose...)

duff said...

disapointed that i chose billy idol over you, kal? do you look in black leather pants? i may be moved to reconsider......

Martha said...

When I think of Billy Idol these days, all I see is Spike.

I have a school reunion in October. I don't think there'll be many surprises though, as New Zealand is a small place and I can pretty much look out the window to see what anyone is up to...

Doesn't mean I won't be dieting and doing extensive shopping prior to make myself appear fabulous though.

Labbie said...

I'd do Val (and Jake Gyllenhaal) for ten million dollars... But I wouldn't touch Billy Idol with Bea Arthur's penis.

txdad58 said...

You are too funny!! I got some great laughs out of your list of questions..I have a 30TH HS reunion in August. It's in Maine, I live in Texas. I want to fax the only burning question I have for them (2 exceptions - HS friend Jeff Glidden and the object of my 5 year crush - Sherri Leblanc)...what makes you damn losers think I want to actually SEE what you all turned into after 30 friggin years????

Callie said...

Ugh - reunions. They suck.

Go with the answers you've posted here. That'll get a rise out of them.

Kal said...

Black leather? Holy Chafing...

I do, though, still have a thin black leather tie that I wore to a school dance in 1984...

Gareth said...

So will you be going to it? Alot of people dont bother, they prefer to wait until the 20th anni.

duff said...

martha: i'll pass on the shopping...and i'm forcing myself to pass on huge cheeseburgers and large orders of fries between now and august...which may just kill me.

labbie: you can have jake...i'm not a cowboy kind of girl....unless were talking about doc holliday or about half the cast of young guns II.

txdad58:ooh- a new face! welcome!

where in maine are you from, just out of curiousity?

callie: they're already inked in....what are the bets my invitation for the 20 year shindig gets "lost"?

kal: according to an article i read somewhere last year, billy advocates the use of talcum powder to cut down on chafing. let me know if it works.

gareth: i wouldn't miss it for the world. i figure i should at least out in an appearance, collect the addresses/phone numbers of folks i've missed over the past ten years, and then if it sucks as badly as i fear it might, i will leave.

i'll be attending the 20th as well, even if it's only to laugh at the folks who've already had a ton of plastic surgery by then.

good seeing you around gareth- would love it if you stopped by more often.

MPH said...

I chose today to make my official return. Go figure. See you at

Labbie said...

Heeeee's back. Does this mean that you'll be his secretary again, Duff?