Friday, January 19, 2007

man's best friend= my best friend? not so much.

9:45 pm- dog desperately needs to pee, as expressed by his festive little dance at the door.

9:46 pm- after taking a whiz, dog feels the need to bark at the moon, and then carefully inspects every pile of crap between the mailbox and the front door. just to make sure no other dog has been trespassing.

11:05 pm- dog is once again dancing at the door, incorporating a bit of barking into his routine.

11:05:30 pm- "you just went. now shut up before you wake the kids."

11:06 pm- "gaaaaaah! alright, but make it fast- it's cold out there."

11:10 pm- the cold may be playing tricks on my eyes, but i think, now that he's established that there aren't any other dogs outside anywhere in the neighborhood to bark back at him, the dog might actually be heading back inside, saving me the task of having to wander out in freezing tempteratures in my pajamas.

11:10:30 pm- "would you quit smelling that crap and get in here?"

11:15 pm- dog is finally done smelling that crap and comes inside

1:15pm- awoken by pathetic puppy whining.
"you have got to be kidding. go away."

1:17 am- "$$^%&*^$$%$#!"

1:20 am- "it's the same crap that was there before. would you hurry up and get in here before i freeze?"

4:18 am- "you didn't do anything but sniff old piles of crap last time, and i don't care if you really have to go for real this time. i am not getting out of this bed."

4:20 am- too much barking. got out of bed.

4:25 am- back into bed. (you know what happened in between, i'm sure.)

5:30 am- "look, dog, i have one more hour to sleep. shut up and lie down somewhere. this is freaking ridiculous."

5:40 am- dog has spent the past ten minutes barking at a grand total of squat. i am ready to unleash psychokitty upon him. at this point, i'll even hold him down for her.

5:45 am- still barking....but now he's in the garage. maybe if i stick one of these pillows over my head, i won't hear him.

surprisingly, the kids slept through all this. the cats, however, were about as amused as i was.

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