pass the salt...

...because i'm taking this with a big ol grain of it:

you say you want a resolution......

....well, i hate to disappoint, but i didn't actually make any this year.

interestingly enough, with the pressure off, i've actually been working out regularly, eating better, and managing to stuff more money into the bank. with that in mind, here are a few other resolutions i'm not bothering to make this year:

1. take more trips......and visit at least three places i've never been before.

this should be pretty easy. i've already got ireland lined up for july, and i'm working on bermuda for mid-march, so that leaves me the rest of the year to find myself doing something outdoorsy in a previously unexplored area. (anyone up for camping in a national park????)

2. get more sleep.

this'll be a tough one, as i'll have to give up either working, reading or wild jungle sex*. (if i could get SO to hold my books for me, i could multitask, leaving me more time for naps.)

3. start writing my best-selling autobiography.

actually, i probably should start small....like maybe i should finish mailing out my last five christmas cards (not counting the ones that were returned because some people, for reasons i completely understand, refuse to live in one place their entire lives) first.

*kidding. i don't even hold hands, as SO will tell you, especially if it's my dad asking.

here- let me get that spill for you.....

as i was driving to the radio this morning, i couldn't help but notice that the strip joint i pass along my route has already begun advertising for "the big game". (that would be code for "the superbowl", which we aren't actually allowed to mention by name on the radio.....something to do with copyrights and whatnot. i can only wonder what sort of assumptons borat would make about this. guess i'll have to hold out for the sequel to that excellent film- just as long as "the big game" can in no way whatsoever involve large, hairy, naked men.)

anyway, as i whizzed by at three miles under the speed limit (i mention this only because i know my dad peruses my blogs, and if he thinks i still have my leadfoot, the chances of my scoring the keys to the miata the next time i'm in town are practically nil), i noticed they're appealing to the male masses (and open-minded females, of course):

beer barbecue babes

football

february 4th

i'm sure i'm leaving something out, but even at 42mph (i swear!), i only had time for a quick glance at the sign.

i wonder if any of the employees have ordered their team color g-strings yet........perhaps with matching bibs for the barbecue?

man's best friend= my best friend? not so much.

9:45 pm- dog desperately needs to pee, as expressed by his festive little dance at the door.

9:46 pm- after taking a whiz, dog feels the need to bark at the moon, and then carefully inspects every pile of crap between the mailbox and the front door. just to make sure no other dog has been trespassing.

11:05 pm- dog is once again dancing at the door, incorporating a bit of barking into his routine.

11:05:30 pm- "you just went. now shut up before you wake the kids."

11:06 pm- "gaaaaaah! alright, but make it fast- it's cold out there."

11:10 pm- the cold may be playing tricks on my eyes, but i think, now that he's established that there aren't any other dogs outside anywhere in the neighborhood to bark back at him, the dog might actually be heading back inside, saving me the task of having to wander out in freezing tempteratures in my pajamas.

11:10:30 pm- "would you quit smelling that crap and get in here?"

11:15 pm- dog is finally done smelling that crap and comes inside

1:15pm- awoken by pathetic puppy whining.
"you have got to be kidding. go away."

1:17 am- "$$^%&*^$$%$#!"

1:20 am- "it's the same crap that was there before. would you hurry up and get in here before i freeze?"

4:18 am- "you didn't do anything but sniff old piles of crap last time, and i don't care if you really have to go for real this time. i am not getting out of this bed."

4:20 am- too much barking. got out of bed.

4:25 am- back into bed. (you know what happened in between, i'm sure.)

5:30 am- "look, dog, i have one more hour to sleep. shut up and lie down somewhere. this is freaking ridiculous."

5:40 am- dog has spent the past ten minutes barking at a grand total of squat. i am ready to unleash psychokitty upon him. at this point, i'll even hold him down for her.

5:45 am- still barking....but now he's in the garage. maybe if i stick one of these pillows over my head, i won't hear him.

surprisingly, the kids slept through all this. the cats, however, were about as amused as i was.

has anyone seen my bikini top? anyone?

i'm watching the bosses' kids all week, starting as soon as i get off work at the radio station at midnight. (well, technically as soon as i pull into their driveway, about half an hour after i get off work here at the radio station.) i've done this before, and i'm really looking forward to this week. i've got the bubble bath packed (they have one of those fancy garden tubs with the jets*), as well as my workout gear (helloooooo trampoline!), and as soon as i figure out where my favorite bikini is (that'd be for the jacuzzi, which, given the current state of my butt (still working on perfecting my "bikini butt" for the work trip to miami at the end of march), i will only be partaking of after sundown), i should be set.

i know, i know- it's terribly rough being me.

*as in the kind that blow the water around, not the 80s pop group

looks like i'm it again.....

if you had to choose one vice in exclusion of all others what would it be?
wild, uninhibited, cuddling (never know who's reading this thing, after all......)

if you could change one specific thing about the world what would it be?
global warming, and the ignorance that's allowing it to continue unchecked

name the cartoon character you identify with the most.
i'd love to say "jessica rabbit", but i'm afraid i'll never be mistaken for a busty cartoon sexpot. actually, i've always identified with bashful the dwarf.

if you could live one day in your life over again which one would it be?
can i have 24 hours worth of random moments instead?

if you could go back in history and spend a day with one person who would it be?
let me get back to you on this one...have to narrow down the list

what is the one thing you lost, sold or threw away that you wish you could have back?
lost: kitty blanket...left it in a motel in mississippi when i was maybe 10 or 11
sold: traded, actually- my inxs kick poster. still kicking myself over that one, though my cardboard standup from "pump up the volume" is a close second. i've made some really stupid trades before.
threw away: please- anyone who knows me knows i hardly ever throw anything away, lest i kick myself over it afterwards.

what is your one most important contribution to this world?
so far, it seems to be laughter....though mostly unintentional.

what is your one hidden talent that nearly no one knows about?
i'd like to say cooking, but i'm sure that's a little debatable sometimes.

what is your most cherished possession?
my sense of humor.

what one person influenced your life the most when growing up?
mama

what one word describes you better than any other?
at the moment? hungry.

your turn: kal, roomie, labbie

in the holiday spirit....

i'm thinking at this point, i should probably go ahead and sign my last few holiday cards "hope you had a merry christmas and a memorable new years' eve, and happy valentine's day."

one of those days again? greeeeat.

nothing like sitting down in front of the answering machine with the intent of returning a few missed calls, only to discover that last night, when i thought i was hitting "skip" i was actually hitting "delete".

so, if you haven't heard from me in a while, my absolutely raging dorkiness is to blame.

enough of this foolishness, young man!

i'm too young to have a midlife crisis, right?

i'm beginning to wonder. i mean, at my age, what exactly would a midlife crisis entail? i'm too broke for a sports car (plus i'm young and (relatively) goodlooking, so i obviously wouldn't need one to pick up a guy half my age....since that'd translate to, well, a high school freshman), and i can go to bars in little skirts and not look like i'm trying to recapture my youth (i haven't lost it yet, dammit!), so i'm really racking my brain for some sort of action that would scream "midlife crisis" at my tender young age.

as usual, my dad is to blame for this.

i was fine until about fifteen minutes ago, when i read his latest email.

it seems that not only has daddy decided to retire this year (he isn't really old enough to do that yet, is he? i mean, unless i do the math, i could swer he's only 50....), but he and my stepmother have decided to travel down to florida at the end of the month.....to look at retirement communities.

my dad is not old enough for this. i mean, aren't retirement communities sort of like bars- isn't there a minimum age to get in? surely you have to be at least 75 to live there. i shudder to think about dad and kathie meeting up with some pimply teenager in an alley somewhere and handing over 40 bucks (or whatever the going rate is) for a couple of fake ids just so they can get into the retirement community of their dreams.

i'm supposed to be the one who makes him feel old....not the other way around, dammit.

this is soooooooooo unfair.

just when i thought you'd given up on me...

.....it seems i've been tagged.

perhaps this is just the motivation i need to get back to blogging regularly (well, weekly, at least) again:

(i'm lazy, so i'm cutting and pasting- please excuse the caps)

First, the rules:
1. Players start by listing three things he/she got for Christmas.
2. Then they list three things he/she definitely did not want to get for Christmas.
3. Then he/she tags five friends and lists their names.
4. The ones who get tagged write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, and state the rules clearly.
5. Then tag five more victims.

The tagger needs to leave the tagged a comment that says you have been Christmas tagged! And tell them to read the tagger's blog.

with that in mind....

1a. an ipod nano
1b. a singing donkey
1c. chocolate moose for dinner by fred gwynne

2a. jewelry of great significance
2b. grandma panties
2c. a kick in the pants

3a. martha
3b. college roomie
3c. raven
3d. stef
3e. dani