for me? you shouldn't have....

dear clumsy owner of the white car parked next to mine for most of the day today, 

thank you so much for the early birthday gift. while i would like to pretend the white streak you left on my car is some sort of racing stripe, i'm fairly certain it can be buffed off the next time i wash and wax my chariot. the quarter sized dent, however, should be a lasting deterrent against car thieves. i thought driving a stick would be sufficient, but this new blemish is off putting enough that it should add an extra layer of protection.

it's unfortunate that i didn't notice your gifts until after i'd driven to subway and gotten out of my car, and that by the time i returned you'd clearly moved on to share your utter disregard for others' possessions with other lucky drivers (well, parkers, i guess), as i was raised with manners and really wish i'd been able to give you a personalized "thank you" note. 

sincerely, 
duff 

p.s.~ may your tailpipe fall off the next time you violate another car.