Saturday, September 27, 2008

dead *hack**hack* *cough**cough* sexy


despite consuming ridiculous quantities of hot tea with honey, i have spent the past week sounding like i have a 3 pack a day habit. on the bright side, radio listeners (especially of the male persuasion) seem to dig the oh-so-sexy, husky voice produced by the change in weather, screaming one's head off at a def leppard concert, and/or smoking 3 packs a day.

since i haven't been to any concerts recently and i haven't smoked since a stray cigarette at some random frat party in college, i'm inclined to chalk this one up to the semiannual weather transition. we've been alternating between 85 degrees and sunny and 70 and raining. it's almost enough to remind me of missouri weather, minus the chance of snow.

another possibility occured to me last week, and i figure i'll know in another week or two whether or not it is, indeed, the case:

second puberty.

i'm actually kind of rooting for this one, mostly because it means i might sprout bigger boobs this time.....which solves the problem of what to be for halloween- add a little red hair dye to the husky voice and supersized chest, and jessica rabbit wouldn't be a stretch. (ok....maybe a little stretch)

if this scratchy throat thing doesn't clear up by halloween, i'm so there. what's more, i've found yet another career option. it has the flexibility i need (set my own hours, work from home), and at $2.99/minute, i should be rolling in the dough in no time. i just have to figure out how to control the urge to giggle while picturing some lonely guy sitting around the house on a saturday night picturing rebecca romijn-stamos (or, hey- how about jessica rabbit?) doing exotic things with a live chicken and some peach preserves.*

then again, i hear some guys are into that sort of thing......

*yes, i know that version features a weed eater and cool whip instead, but i'm too lazy (and too aware of my susceptibility to getting sucked into a youtube tangent) to chase down a video with the proper lyrics.


Larry said...

You don't miss the tropical balminess turning to artic frigidness in the span of an hour? It's one of the things I love. The fact that it can go from 80 degrees and sunny in the morning to 25 and snowing by midafternoon is all part of the charm. It's just that you have been gone so long those changes inspire a Kathleen Turneresque voice makeover when they happen to you now. I laugh at your 15 degree tempature change. HA!

ty bluesmith said...

"i know that version features a weed eater and cool whip.."


Anonymous said...

Just post that phone number on your blog for all of us, please.

just some dude said...

I prefer peach chutney, well that and the scene I'm picturing has you in that pirate costume from last year, a goat, 6 gallons of blue paint and one rubber glove.

duff said...

larry: no more than i miss the semi-infected hangnail i had last week. ;)

ty: not nearly as awesome as the original, though i can't say i've tried either one.

colin: 867-5309. wait- forgot the prefix- make that: 1-900-867-5309

dude: six gallons? i'm not that big, dude. surely 5 will suffice.....