dead *hack**hack* *cough**cough* sexy

ribbit.

despite consuming ridiculous quantities of hot tea with honey, i have spent the past week sounding like i have a 3 pack a day habit. on the bright side, radio listeners (especially of the male persuasion) seem to dig the oh-so-sexy, husky voice produced by the change in weather, screaming one's head off at a def leppard concert, and/or smoking 3 packs a day.

since i haven't been to any concerts recently and i haven't smoked since a stray cigarette at some random frat party in college, i'm inclined to chalk this one up to the semiannual weather transition. we've been alternating between 85 degrees and sunny and 70 and raining. it's almost enough to remind me of missouri weather, minus the chance of snow.

another possibility occured to me last week, and i figure i'll know in another week or two whether or not it is, indeed, the case:

second puberty.

i'm actually kind of rooting for this one, mostly because it means i might sprout bigger boobs this time.....which solves the problem of what to be for halloween- add a little red hair dye to the husky voice and supersized chest, and jessica rabbit wouldn't be a stretch. (ok....maybe a little stretch)

if this scratchy throat thing doesn't clear up by halloween, i'm so there. what's more, i've found yet another career option. it has the flexibility i need (set my own hours, work from home), and at $2.99/minute, i should be rolling in the dough in no time. i just have to figure out how to control the urge to giggle while picturing some lonely guy sitting around the house on a saturday night picturing rebecca romijn-stamos (or, hey- how about jessica rabbit?) doing exotic things with a live chicken and some peach preserves.*

then again, i hear some guys are into that sort of thing......

*yes, i know that version features a weed eater and cool whip instead, but i'm too lazy (and too aware of my susceptibility to getting sucked into a youtube tangent) to chase down a video with the proper lyrics.

wait a minute- logs don't have eyes....do they?

after wasting three saturdays in a row (only three?), i dragged (well, technically he drove) SO out on a long-overdue hike. santee state park is about an hour and a half from home, which allowed me enough time to wipe out a book (i was almost done) and grab a five minute snooze....which ended about the time we realized we'd somehow overshot the park.

why santee? well, since i work at the radio station until noon on saturdays and SO was barely in the shower when i got home, there was pretty much a zero chance of being able to get up to the waterfall-laden upstate region of south carolina and have enough time to tackle a decent hike and be off the trail by dark. plus, gas in columbia is still a pricey $3.99 a gallon and no, you do not get kissed first. not even a hug, in fact. (i got funny looks when i asked at the local gas station on friday.)

so, we were left with mostly local options....most of which have already been checked off in my handy dandy hiking book.

it should be noted that the handy dandy hiking book might be in need of a little update as, assuming i was reading the map properly, the "swimming pond" looks like this:


(it's probably worth noting that about 100 feet further down the shoreline, if that, there were not one, not two, but three signs advising against swimming and warning of the presence of alligators.)

there was an incident last september where a guy actually disregarded the "no swimming" signs, went snorkeling with a gator, and would up losing an arm, which was retrieved (intact, no less!) from the alligator's stomach. i thought this may have been the "swimming hole" in question, but a little googling proved me wrong.

mr. "snorkels with gators" survived, but i'm thinking he still should get an honorable mention in the next darwin awards book.

SO, was a little uneasy about my trekking down near the water's edge to have a look at the "no swimming" signs. (no worries- they were out in the open, and i would've spotted the gator before he spotted me.)

after leaving the shoreline, we drove to the sinkhole trail for one last mini hike. (with the exception of the bicycle trail, the trails at the park are under a mile long, and at .4 mile, this one's the shortest.) i'm pleased to report there weren't any gators in sight on this trail, which was a good thing, though SO said he had my back in the event of a possible attack:

we are currently experiencing technical difficulties.....

i’m afraid technology is not my friend this morning.

i came into work with such high hopes. SO is in town this weekend, and with him came my laptop, and i figured my best chance to use it to pound out a post would be this morning. i’d type up something witty and brilliant (well, as witty and brilliant as possible when one is trying hard not to catch up on sleep at work), throw it onto my blog, and the rest of the morning could be spent scribbling on avon brochures and working out at our state-of-the art fitness center. (i saw bangkok dangerous last night, and while my abs are decent, i couldn’t pull off the outfits the thai dancers wore, and therefore, i must hit the treadmill and weights until my stomach is so ridiculously taut that foreign currency may be bounced off of it.)

i was going to be so productive.

unfortunately, i had to toss that theory out the window around the third time i had to wheel a chair down the hall so i could reach the wireless router to reset it. (for those of you wishing to keep track at home, that was about five times ago. anyone who knows me well knows i don’t always give up easily.)

the first time i tried to log on, my computer informed me that the signal was about as strong as tea brewed by waving a twice-used teabag over a cup of hot water.

“no problem,” i thought, “i’ll just turn my wireless off and reset it.”

you know, the right solution never seems to be the simple fix, for some reason.

my next plan was to take a chair down the hall to the router, climb onto it, and unplug the router. that’s what the guys do (or at least, that’s all they claim they do) around here, and it’s the same thing i have to do at home…minus the chair, since my router is only about two feet off the ground.

two chairs later (i thought the first one would work, but quickly realized that i’d need either a booster seat or one of those super-elevating chairs if i wanted to be able to reach the thing….though grabbing a yardstick (don’t ask) and knocking the thing down like a piñata was also briefly considered), the signal my computer was receiving was about as strong as the willpower of a compulsive eater at a smorgasbord.

on the upside, all of this wandering back and forth between the studio and the router is probably sufficient enough to count as part of a cardio workout, and the scrambling onto and off of rolling chairs (while trying to keep my balance, i might add) should count for something as well.

for exactly what, i’m not sure- but it’ll give me something to ponder during the three or four more trips to the router that i’ll probably make before finally giving in, beating the thing with the aforementioned yardstick, and posting this from home during my inter-shift break.