so this dust bunny walks into a bar....

i'm on a roll.....except when it comes to blogging, apparently, since i just realized (as i was catching up on comments) that it's been a month since i've attempted to pound out something mildly entertaining for your reading enjoyment. as usual, i have an excuse:

i've been cleaning.

i know, i know, it sounds lame. however, since i've been home more than usual lately, i've had time to become fully aware of the clutter in my apartment, right down to the embarrassingly thick dust on the baseboards- most of which, for the record, has been transferred from baseboards to vacuum, which finally experienced its first bag change since its purchase a couple of years ago....and i'm afraid i mean "couple" in a polygamist sort of sense.

with SO only up to visit a couple of weekends a month, i've had ample time on my hands to undo the grungier effects of long-term coabitation. i scrubbed the bathroom counters while on the phone after work one night. the kitchen counters were attacked another evening, though i think a more serious effort (involving clorox and perhaps an industrial-strength buffer) is needed at some point in the near future. probably before i borrow a hammer and chisel to take care of the petrified gunk resulting from five years' worth of spills between the fridge and the edge of the kitchen counter.

i hate to give the impression that we had housekeeping and cleanliness standards akin to those of your average cro-magnon, but after awhile, the little spills add up and quite frankly, after a day of cleaning at work (which is basically what my "personal assistant" position has morphed into), the last thing i feel like doing when i get home is scrubbing linoleum.

so, after a long period of uncertainty regarding its existence, i am pleased to report that i actually had a counter between my kitchen and dining room. i figured there must have been something holding up the envelopes, tax-related paperwork, halloween candy in various stages of petrification, random soda tabs (i knew someone once who was collecting them for a good cause. too bad i can't for the life of me remember who it might've been), george carlin 2005 page a day calendar, and jelly belly jellybean dispenser.

i'd provide photographic evidence, but i'm afraid the shock of seeing a clean horizontal surface in my apartment might finish mama off. she's too young to die, so really, it's in her best interest that i withhold such a photograph.

in addition to scrubbing and vacuuming, i've been decluttering. one of my goals before 30 is to give a box to goodwill per month. right now, i think i'm covered through roughly june 2009. furthermore, i've itemized everything i've parted with since early april.

i'm all over this.

this is a huge step for someone who, up until a couple of weeks ago, still had intact issues of metal edge magazine from the days when it was perfectly acceptable for boys to have big hair.

oh yes, it was that bad.

since i started the great decluttering, i've parted with five boxes of paper (old articles, posters, and magazines), the last four binders of patterns and project ideas from my stint teaching preschool, seven boxes and four tall kitchen garbage bags of possessions bound for goodwill, and three boxes of toys, books, et cetera that i toted off to the "surrogate parents" for their (and their kids') enjoyment.

i still have a long way to go, though. i have to finish numerous photo albums and buy negative sleeves in bulk before two bags of random photos (mostly doubles) can head out the door- and that's not counting the roughly twenty five rolls sitting on my dining room table, waiting to be developed. i have to evaluate whether or not i'm going to ever play a few board games that have been sitting, unopened, on the entertainment center shelf for the past few years. the oversized stuffed lobster and walrus have come close to heading out the door several times, but the lobster will look good in the lobster trap once i've finished cleaning it out, and really, who can deny the appeal of a stuffed walrus that actually groans when you push on its butt?

the appeal of carpeting that no longer crunches when you walk on it, however, is undeniable.