Sunday, September 26, 2010

sorry about the traumatized cat, but i'd rather hear about the budweiser frogs

i can think of few things i'm looking forward to more than the end of the political ad season. in fact, i believe the list is basically limited to:

1. my next vacation
2. my next appointment with the hunky orthodontist
3. my next hot date (i'll settle for a lukewarm one, though.)
4. the creation of a jack lalanne power juicer in purple.*

no sooner did my favorite tv shows start gearing up for the fall season than the spaces between wound up filled up with mud slung between candidates. i'd compare it to the fuzzy grout i found in SO's shower a few weeks ago, but really, i think the fuzzy grout may be preferable to spending approximately 12 minutes an hour (after all, tv stations still manage to carve out a little room for their promos and teasers) listening to "regular americans" detail every wrongdoing of their least favorite candidates. i do not care if candidate x used to color his little sister's cabbage patch kids with sharpies. i do not care if candidate y hid all of her lima beans in the nearest potted plant during her younger years. i do not care if candidate x likes to prance around in his wife's crotchless panties. i do not care what candidate y did with a rubber chicken and some peach preserves on a dare in college.

i know it's a question that's been asked before, but why don't the ads ever focus on what a particular candidate is for, rather than the various flaws of their opponent?

i'm voting for the man/woman/hermaphrodite who worries about the environment, doesn't care who you marry, as long as you stay within your species, would rather have a splinter pulled out of their big toe with a pair of needlenose pliers than raise taxes on the middle class, and would rather spend 30 seconds of ad time stating the above than telling us what their opponent may or may not have done with a jar of manic panic and the neighbor's cat back when they were twelve years old.

failing that, i'm writing in jack lalanne, as i'm pretty sure one doesn't make it to 96 without having a little common sense....and then maybe he can hire an assistant to get crackin' on that purple juicer issue.

*i'm kidding. please don't buy me one.

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