Sunday, August 30, 2009

brother, could you spare a dime?

on the way to work this morning, i found myself pondering what to write about today, given that it's been over three weeks and i know at least half of my readers (both of you) have probably given me up for dead.

finishing the half-written post about the saga of my car was a thought, but i forgot my pile of receipts, which i'm using to illustrate just how badly the folks over at the AAA car care center felt the need to screw me. (sure, i could approximate, but really- i think my story males more of an impression if i use the actual figures.)

however, inspiration came in a different form after i arrived at work- in the form of a coworker who came in and informed me that his "buddy" won the 220-something million powerball jackpot a couple of weeks ago.

(it is worth noting at this point that the only reason "buddy" won is that i didn't remember it was wednesday until 10:15 that night....well past the powerball ticket purchasing cutoff time.)

anyway, it turns out that "buddy" and coworker used to work together, and after pointing out that useful little factoid, coworker remarked that he sure hoped "buddy" wouldn't "forget" about him.

are you kidding me? i mean, i've heard that after winning a big prize, one can expect all sorts of "long lost" relatives to appear....

"hi. i'm steve, your second cousin's uncle twice removed through marriage. we met at the '83 reunion...i was the tall guy. anyway, i'm having problems making the payments on my brand new hummer, and i was wondering........"

call me heartless and cruel, but the answer would be "no".

in fact, if it were possible to claim the prize and remain anonymous, i'd be all over it like botox in beverly hills.

i'd still work.

i'd still drive my present car until it hits ten years or 200,000 miles.

i'd still unplug the tv and microwave when i'm not using them.

i'd still eat kraft dinner. (hold the dijon ketchup.)

however, i'd probably be writing this from st. john, where i'd be hiking around and making faces at green iguanas for the next two weeks.

that might be what it takes to hide from random acquaintances planning on showing up at my door with their hands to coworker down the hall who, an hour later, is still going on about "buddy", his newfound wealth, and how close they were when they worked together. (which, to be honest, though admittedly a little catty, makes me wonder if "buddy" and my coworker ever shared an actual conversation, or just a ride in the elevator one monday morning......)


Callie said...

That would be the only reason I'd pack up and move immediately after winning something like that. It would be bad enough to hear from the relatives I actually know and keep in contact with to hear the constant barrage of "Can I have . . . ", but to have to deal with people I'd just as soon never hear from again asking for stuff, I'd probably make some enemies fast.

duff said...

callie: is there a version of the witness protection for lottery winners?