in which i practically dare you to make snide "mosquito bites" comments

it has recently come to my attention that i'm overdue for a post again.

(not that anyone actually pointed it out, mind you. i found myself looking for stuff to do instead of doing the stuff i need to do, and somewhere between virtual sightseeing in alaska and obsessively checking my msn messenger to see if it was still working (consider it the modern day version of picking the phone up every half hour while expecting a call....you know- just to make sure everything's working properly), i realized that i had yet to replace my post about my hot date with mr. clean with something a little less...well....lame.)

i would be remiss if i didn't acknowledge the passing of george carlin earlier this week. unlike my sibling, i was actually fortunate enough to see him perform live- twice. he came to my college back in 1997 (or was it '98?) on one tour (i took mama), and i saw him again a few years ago, when he came through columbia on another college tour. SO and i talked about trying to catch him in vegas at some point, but i'm afraid we missed his last show.

of all of his bits, probably his most famous was the "seven words you can't say on television". i've come to the conclusion that they're a lot like the seven dwarves- everyone can remember some of them, but very few people can rattle all of them off on command (and not just because they're out of quarters to put into the "swear can").

for the record, i always seem to try and substitute some version of "@!&*" (either by itself, or as half a word) in place of the one carlin dwelled on the longest. one might wonder if i'd have such a problem were i hauling around double-ds. however, i'm fairly certain were that the case, i'd have more of a problem not walking like the hunchback of notre dame.

and on that note, it's been at least twenty minutes since i checked both the mosquito forecast for denali national park and whether or not my computer's signed me out of messenger without my knowledge.....

oooohhh....shiny

i'm thinking that most cute, semi-single girls my age don't spend their friday nights getting excited over how well imaginary bald men with earrings clean their bathtubs, but hey- it could just be me.

disclaimer, in case SO stops by: no, i don't consider myself "single", but after three weeks without a visit, i doubt i'll recognize you the next time you walk through the door. this could work in your benefit, because suddenly, you could be my brand new boyfriend and the weekend could hark back to that "honeymoon phase" rather than me wanting to drop-kick you for spending all of your time on the couch, watching sports and eating snacks.

ahem. anyway.

so far this evening, i've scrubbed out my tub, given the drip pans under the stove burners their first bath in at least five years, attacked the walls with a generic mr. clean magic eraser, and bludgeoned to death a giant cockroach - sorry- palmetto bug with an empty can of raid. (as you may have assumed, i found out the can was empty right before the bludgeoning. it seemed like the thing to do at the time.)

yeah, i thought i was a loser back in high school, when i either spent friday night at work, at home, or cruising for guys who, really, were far less attractive in hindsight. yet, even then, i never thought i'd one day spend my friday night with mr. clean and a dead roach.

so, who's willing to take me out next friday night?

over the...uh...dry creekbed and through the woods....

after work today, i gave in to the urge. since my hiking buddy moved 2 1/2 hours away, hot dog the gnomad was happy to accompany me on my 6.6 mile trek. here are some views from along the oakridge trail:



i think i managed to tick off every spider along the trail, except for this one. thankfully, i'm short, and he'd constructed his web higher than most of the others.



there's nothing quite like stopping to take in the view....of mosquito breeding grounds. despite being covered pretty much head to toe in bug spray, i did not come away completely unscathed.

plan b: find sugar daddy

they claim you can get rich by working at home. today was my first official day "working from home", and not only am i not rich yet, but i didn't exactly accomplish a whole lot, either.

when the bosses announced they were moving 2 1/2 hours south, i freaked out. i mean, this latest development, combined with SO moving out just over 6 months ago (which basically doubled my expenses), led to a slight sense of financial insecurity. was i going to have to get one of those "grown-up" jobs, where you have to wear uncomfortable clothing in an effort to look "professional"? and this baloney about only getting two weeks' vacation each year? would i have to finally memorize the rules of french conjugation, just so i could emigrate and take advantage of the stronger euro and the seven weeks of vacation time?

thankfully, i was spared all of this potential unpleasantness, because our billing office is swamped with projects, and the bosses were informed by the billing manager that if they didn't get her some help, things would get very ugly very quickly. unfortunately, the billing office is only open mondays through wednesdays, which means that i've gone from around 50 hours/week (much to our CFO's chagrin) to around 27 hours/week.......which pays part of my rent, if i'm extremely lucky.

it was decided that maybe i could work from home the other two days/week....hopefully enough to get me up to at least 40 hours/week.

so, anyway, since i spent yesterday doing some freelance work for yet another boss (i'm up to almost half a dozen by now, technically), today was my first official day "working from home".

the good news: i got a lot accomplished.

the not-so-good news: the list consists mostly of laundry (3 loads!), dishes (1 load), vacuuming, changing sheets, dusting, scrubbing walls with the mr. clean magic eraser, running to the post office, and compiling yet another box of donations for goodwill.

as you may have noticed, none of that sounds particularly businesslike.

total time spent doing actual business-related tasks: 3 hours (including stuff for the freelance gig)

total time spent cleaning, straightening, errand-running, and wondering if it was too hot outside to go wander around my local national park: 8 hours

i'm hoping to be a little more productive next week. otherwise, i might have to look into finding a way to multitask- work at home while scrubbing out the shower (which is on my "to do" list) and trying to master the art of making tabouleh.

waving the white apron

profound realization for the week:

on wkrp, loni anderson probably looked perky all the time because even when it was 100 degrees outside, the radio station was kept at a brisk 50-something degrees.

i kid you not. highs in the low 100s were forecast all weekend, and here i sat, in my cargo pants, t-shirt, and light jacket. someone pointed out yesterday that this building has three different climates, and i don't doubt it. the studio side of the building isn't too bad- somewhere in the 70s, i'd guess. however, when heading to the bathroom, one can't help but wonder if someone left the freezer next door wide open. had i not packed the bosses' space heater last week, i'd contemplate smuggling it into the building, to make those retreats to "my private office" a little less jarring.

anyway, you don't want to read about my struggle to stay warm, yet not look like a total dork when i walk across the parking lot while wearing a jacket on a 100-degree afternoon.

you want to read about something far more exciting:

parsley

woo-hoo! this is what my life has come to- getting excited about garnishes!

i'm kidding. sort of.

one of the goals on the list of "30 things to do before i turn 30" is to master three new recipes. so far, i have gotten crepes under control....which, of course leaves two recipes to go...in the next five or so weeks.

note that i said "still leaves", not "left".

to make a long story short, let me share with you a sample of the email i just sent the master of taboule:

tried to make taboule like yours.

failed.

now, i won't say i failed miserably, as the end product is vaguely edible, but i'm not whipping up a batch for visiting dignitaries anytime soon.

so, rather than potentially embarrass myself by telling you exactly what i did, let me know if i missed anything...

while we're at it, what's the approximate parsley/tomato ratio? i'm pretty sure the breath-freshening power of my trial-run taboule is strong enough to combat that salsa at moe's that's impervious to toothpaste, mouthwash, and a dozen altoids.

i left out the part about the blender....and the debate over how clean a floor has to be before the "five second rule" can be called into play, but i'm pretty sure my email gave enough detail to adequately express my distress.

sort of like loni anderson's boobs and the temperature inside the wkrp building.

(ok, maybe not quite, but i'm sure at least one of my male readers appreciates the visual.)