Sunday, January 06, 2008

put away the g string, there, buddy

it's that time of year again.

i'm not referring to new years' resolutions.

i'm not going to tell you all about how i'm writing this while bouncing around on a treadmill, trying to undo the damage the holidays did to my thighs. (mostly because i'd be lying. my appetite actually decreased somehow, and i eschew the traditional grub in favor of lobster at christmas, which is not only lower in calories, but i know i also burned a few beating the crud out of that crustacean in order to strip it of all of its meat. but i digress.....)

since i paid for most of my holiday purchases with my checking account, i've saved myself yet another shocking credit card balance. (i learn...eventually.)

and all of my holiday cards were out before new years' day, although i was going to send a copy of the infamous letter to my long-lost cousin in california. i mean, i can't catch her up on the past 25 years in one fell swoop, but i hate to deprive her of the joy of seeing that leggy lamp i found in ireland.

actually, this evening i've got rent on my mind, and not the musical.*

i've lived in my current apartment for nearly 5 years- the past 4 years and 10 months with SO, who now resides in charleston, an hour and a half away. (however, i still have the bed, the washer, and the dryer, which works out well, as he doesn't do laundry and he's usually too busy working to sleep.)

a little love note appeared on my door about a month ago- something about having to verify my income. apparently, apartment management is required to check the financial situations of the residents every three years, and by their calculations, it's been three years since the last time mine was checked, which i believe was 2006. (yes, i know how to subtract. i'm not so sure about apartment management, though.)

normally, this would not have warranted a second thought. i mean, between SO's job and my jobs, we clear $60,000 a year. however, since he no longer lives with me (which is why he would appreciate it if i'd change the name on the phone/cable/internet bill, despite the fact that the only time the cable is used is when he visits and the phone and internet get minimal use, since i'm always at work), the household income had been drastically reduced. this makes me a wee bit nervous. i mean, if they decide i don't make enough money, they could kick me out, which means that not only would i have to find a new place for my stuff, which is a very un-lazy thing to do, i would have to actually haul everything down two flights of stairs (thankfully the only heavyish piece of furniture in the apartment that's actually mine is my futon), and i'd be doing this around the end of the month, when i'll be staying with my six year old sidekick and her ten year old brother while their parents are out of town....

oh, i thought about how i'd manage if worse came to worse. i mean, doesn't forcing children to work build character? (that's what my parents always said, anyway.) aside from that futon, i'm pretty sure the kids could haul my crap up and down stairs, though i'm not sure the six year old could get my 21" tv downstairs without just giving it a good shove outside my front door.

anyway, after putting off my paperwork for a month, mostly out of fear and laziness (fear that i'd have to actually move, which i'm really too lazy to do right now), i finally bit the bullet and tackled it today.

i called the office to point out their mathematical error, to no avail.

mildly daunted, i proceeded with plan b, which was to ask what the income requirement for my $725/month apartment would be.

i was a little concerned, since it took the girl on the other end of the line a little while to get back to me, so i asked if she was trying to figure out how to break it to me that i'd have to take up stripping to pay the rent. **

thankfully, i seem to have avoided that fate thus far, as i cleared the minimum income level by $2000.

which is almost enough to cover a year's worth of cable/internet/phone service, come to think of it........

*however, i'm noticing that sentence actually combined two pet shop boys tunes. how often does that happen? ok, how often does that happen to people who are musically nerdy enough to appreciate it?

**of course, if this were the case, i'd tell people i was doing it to put myself through college. since i was mistaken at a local mexican restaurant for a "little girl" earlier this week, it could work....and it sounds so much better than "i'm taking off my clothes here so i'll be able to afford an apartment in which i can take my clothes off"...which sounds like one half of a vicious cycle, but maybe it's just me


STP said...

I'm 25 and can't lift my TV. After the last time I moved (the first move for the TV), it took me 4 tries to get it lifted up on the TV stand. How the heck did the guy from Best Buy hull it up a flight of stairs and onto my tv stand? How the heck did my brother carry it down the stairs, into the moving truck and into my new apartment? More importantly, why couldn't my brother lift it and put it on the TV stand for me? I need a flat least before the next move...which is a few years away, thank goodness!

duff said...

swayer: when we moved into our current place, SO couldn't haul his 30-something-inch tv up the stairs. in fact, it took me three nights of free babysitting to repay the guys who did. the scary thing is that of the three brothers, his tv is the smallest (and i think he's suffering a little bit of that infamous "tv envy").