dear software installation/tech support guru,

i know you're frustrated. no little bird was needed for this newsflash- it was evident by your third sigh. 

let me point out once again something that may not be obvious, though i already mentioned it somewhere between sighs five and six:

i do not work for a major corporation here.* there are a total of three employees in this company. we do not take up an entire floor of a major high rise. we do not have a dozen "workstations" from which to choose. i have a laptop at my disposal for sending out claims, and a desktop computer running windows 98 for word processing. that is it. 

the reason this software installation is taking so long is not my "slow internet connection". (believe me, time warner charges me a pretty penny for what i've got. granted, it's not at the warp speed necessary to play "world of warcraft" or "diablo 57" or whatever, but the day i'm found playing either of those should be no more than a week before some sort of mental health assessment.) the more likely reason for this sluggish installation is the computer itself. it was not new when i obtained it over six years ago. it does not get tons of heavy use. it is turned on an average of once a week, and i set it to "hibernate" in between. 

you already know that last part, though. i mentioned it when you asked when it was last rebooted. (you know, right before your mini-lecture/admonishment regarding the necessity of rebooting "at least twice a week", delivered in the sort of tone normally reserved for a two year old who has smeared a handful of poop on the bathroom wall.)

hopefully, during this half hour break (during which i have rebooted (after you froze the computer up completely), and reinstalled chrome so you wouldn't have to lower yourself to suffering through internet explorer again), you've had adequate time to cool off, maybe grab a bagel from the cafeteria, and collect your thoughts so maybe you won't act like i am a total idiot** during the second portion of our conversation. 

sincerely,
neither techie nor total luddite

*that's a different job completely.
**i'm not one, nor have i ever been one, according to tests ranging from childhood to the internet quiz i took last week.