uncle sam is my gigolo

i've come to the conclusion that word must've gotten out that i was a decent lay or something, because today i found myself, checkbook in hand, bending way over for uncle sam.

given that i was not taken out for a nice dinner beforehand, handed a dozen roses, or even given a peck on the cheek, this distresses me.

year after year, i find myself spending april 14th (or 16th, this year) listening to SO gloat over his huge refund ($12000 this year....or something to that effect. perhaps i accidentally added a zero as some sort of subconscious slip referring to the number of times i'd like to hear his gloating) while trying to suppress the urge to hurl my checkbook at him.....right after i write the government a check that, in ratio to my earnings, seems just a tad exorbitant.

for my money, i'd like to be wined, dined, and perhaps a small thank you note from the government is in order. while various actors, who shall remain nameless (cough cough cough wesley snipes) and reality tv stars (like that dude from survivor- did he honestly think that no one from the irs watched survivor and therefore no one would notice if he "forgot" to report his winnings?) pretend not to be gainfully employed, here i am, shelling out better than 10% of my earnings (and that's after socking money away in a 401k and an ira, folks) just so our fearless leader can buy his daughters another round of frosty beverages.

(actually, i should probably take that last comment back. after all, i don't recall seeing the girls teetering around with tara reid or lindsay lohan recently, so i should probably assume they, like many of us who've made it out of college, have sobered up at least a little.)

with that in mind, perhaps i'm simply paying for mark foley's lap dances, which actually doesn't distress me nearly as much as having to actually pay the state government this year for the first time ever.

yes- you read that right- no relief from anyone. instead, i'm forking over the equivalent of three nights at a fancy hotel to the feds, and paying the state of south carolina for a mint-flavored condom on the pillow.